Foreskins

A super-competitive miniature golfer with anger issues impales himself on the broken shaft of a thrown club after losing to a sweet little 89-year old lady.

- WELCOME EVERYONE, TO OURMINI-GOLF CHAMPIONSHIP, WELCOME.

[cheers and applause]

- MARTIN MANCERIS A FRUSTRATED GOLFER.

HE FAILED TO MAKE ITON THE PRO TOUR

AND NOW, HE'S REDUCEDTO PLAYING MINIATURE GOLF.

- WE HAVE OURFEISTY HAZEL ATKINS.

- THERE'S A $1,000 PURSEFOR THE WINNER,

AND MARTIN IS READYTO BURY GRANNY.

- WOULD YOU LIKEA COOKIE?

WOULD YOU LIKE ONE?

- THE PROFESSIONAL SIDE OFMINI-GOLF GETS VERY COMPETITIVE.

THERE ARE 100 TOURNAMENTSOR MORE THROUGHOUT THE YEAR

AND THOUSANDS OF DOLLARSAT STAKE.

- THINGS STARTED OUTBADLY FOR MARTIN...

- AAH!

- AND THEY JUSTGOT WORSE.

HOLE AFTER HOLE,THE SWEET OCTOGENARIAN

PUT THE HURT...

ON THE FRUSTRATEDLINKSMAN.

[cheers and applause]

all: HAZEL! HAZEL! HAZEL!

- HAZEL WAS AS SWEETAS A RATTLESNAKE.

SHE KEPT FLASHINGHER BRIGHT, WHITE DENTURES

AND SHAKING HER SAGGING,WRINKLED BOOTY...

UNTIL MARTIN AND HIS GAMECOMPLETELY FELL APART.

- NO!

- HAZEL! HAZEL! HAZEL!

- HAZEL GOT THE TROPHYAND THE 1,000 BUCKS.

HUMILIATED...

- [grunts]

- MARTIN THREW HIS PUTTERAT THE SCOREBOARD.

- [groans]

- BUT, THE BLADE SNAPPED OFFAND THE SHAFT

RICOCHETED DEEPINTO HIS CHEST,

PIERCING HIS AORTA.

HIS HEART STOPPED COLDAND IN 15 SECONDS, HE WAS DEAD.

MARTIN COULDN'T CUT ITAS A PRO,

THEN HE GOT HUSTLEDBY AN OLD BIDDY.

IN THE END,HE LOST HIS HEAD...

- [grunts]

- AND GOT THE SHAFT.

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