Any Given Gunday

  • Season 3
  • Aired 07/11/2011
  • 15,749 Views

A woman obsessed with athletes uses an oven that has a loaded gun hidden inside.

PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES ENJOYALL THE TRAPPINGS OF SUCCESS,

BUT THEIR FAME AND FORTUNEMAKE THEM TARGETS.

- YOU MAY FEEL LIKE,HEY!

announcer: JEROME ISA STAR FOOTBALL PLAYER.

CINDY, THE GIRLHANGING ALL OVER HIM...

- LET'S GET IN THE HOUSE.

announcer: IS WHAT'S KNOWNAS A JERSEY CHASER.

THE NIGHT BEFORE,SHE BRIBED A BOUNCER

TO GAIN ACCESSTO A CLUB'S V.I.P. SECTION,

WHERE JEROME WAS PARTYING.

NOW SHE'S IN LOVE...

WITH HIS CELEBRITYAND HIS BANK ACCOUNT.

- JERSEY CHASERS, YOU KNOW,

JUST LIKE THE GROUPIESFOR THE ROCK STARS,

IT'S THE SAME THING,YOU KNOW.

THEY COME FOR US.

I'VE SEEN GIRLS IN YOUR ROOM,IN YOUR BATHROOM

WHEN YOU GO IN THERE.

YOU DON'T KNOWWHERE SHE CAME FROM,

BUT SHE KNOWSALL YOUR INFORMATION,

SHE KNOWS WHO YOU ARE,KNOWS YOUR NAME, BIRTH DATES.

YOU KNOW, THEY'REREALLY RELENTLESS

AT WHAT THEY WOULDTRY TO DO.

announcer: IT WAS JUSTANOTHER SCORE FOR JEROME,

BUT WHILE HE SLEPT IT OFF,

CINDY MADE HERSELF AT HOME.

MAYBE IT WAS THE CONCUSSIONHE SUFFERED THIS SEASON,

BECAUSE WHEN JEROMEWOKE UP,

HE HAD NO RECOLLECTIONOF HIS NIGHT WITH CINDY.

[pan clanks]

JEROME, LIKEA LOT OF PRO ATHLETES,

KEPT A LOT OF CASHIN THE HOUSE

AND A LOT OF GUNS.

- WE'RE LIKE ROCK STARS.

YOU KNOW, WE HAVEA LOT OF CASH ON US,

AND SO WE HAVE TO CARRYOUR GUNS

TO PROTECT OURSELVES.

ONE UPSTAIRS, ONE DOWNSTAIRS,ONE IN THE BASEMENT--

YOU KNOW,IF SOMETHING HAPPENS,

I'LL HAVE THE GUN STASHEDSOMEWHERE

THAT SOMEBODY WON'T KNOW.

- GOOD MORNING, SWEETIE.I'M MAKING BREAKFAST.

I'M JUST GONNA PUT THE BUNSIN THE OVEN.

- NO!

announcer:OKAY, 1000 WAYS FANS,

TIME TO PLAY,"WHY DOESN'T JEROME

WANT HER TO USE THE OVEN?"

IS IT, "A," A GAS LEAK,

"B," THAT'S WHERE HE DRIESHIS JOCKSTRAPS,

OR "C"...[oven bell dings]

- OHH!

announcer:THAT'S WHERE HE KEEPS A GUN.

[bell dinging]

- WHEN THE REVOLVER WAS PLACEDIN THE OVEN

AND THE OVEN TURNED UPTO 400 DEGREES,

METAL BEING AN INCREDIBLECONDUCTOR OF HEAT,

REALLY CONDUCTEDALL THAT 400 DEGREES

TO THE ROUND THAT WASIN THE CHAMBER OF THE WEAPON.

THIS WOULD CAUSE THE ROUNDTO COOK OFF FROM HEAT,

CAUSING THE GUNPOWDERTO IGNITE,

AND THUS,FIRING THE BULLET.

announcer: YOU DON'T NEEDTO BE A BRAIN SURGEON

TO FIGURE OUTHER CAUSE OF DEATH.

ONE QUESTION LINGERSAFTER WATCHING

THIS TRAGIC TALEOF MODERN ROMANCE.

- GOOD MORNING, SWEETIE.I'M MAKING BREAKFAST.

announcer: JEROME, WHY THE HELLDID YOU HIDE A GUN IN THE OVEN?

- OHH!

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