Terrorist Wedding

A misguided American woman marries a terrorist, but accidentally kills herself during the wedding celebration when she mishandles an AK-47.

[middle eastern music]

- TANYA USED TO BEAN AWARD-WINNING JOURNALIST

WORKING THE MOST DANGEROUSPLACES IN THE MIDDLE EAST.

BUT SHE LOST HERPERSPECTIVE.

SHE DENOUNCED THE U.S.,BECAME A MUSLIM.

AND NOW,TO SEAL THE DEAL...

- MY WIFE.[jubilant shouts]

- SHE'S ABOUT TO MARRYA TALIBAN TERRORIST.

- MOST OF THE PEOPLETHAT ARE RECRUITED

INTO TERRORISTORGANIZATIONS

ARE INDIVIDUALSWHO FEEL UNDERVALUED.

AND THEY'RE EASILY ENTICEDINTO GOING INTO ANOTHER WORLD,

WHERE THEY CANNOT ONLY EXCEL,

BUT BE PART OF SOMETHINGTHAT'S LARGER THAN LIFE.

WHICH WOULD YOU RATHER BE,A BUS DRIVER

OR A SUPER-TERRORIST?

- A TERRORIST WEDDING ISA SIMPLE AFFAIR,

FOR THE MOST PART.

A LOT OF BEARDED MENAND OVERLY CLOTHED WOMEN

SHOUTING AND FIRING OFFTHEIR CUTE LITTLE NOISEMAKERS.

[gunfire]

HAVING BEEN A SPOILEDAND PAMPERED INFIDEL,

TANYA WASN'T USED TO HANDLINGANYTHING AS HEFTY

AS AN AK-47.

[all shouting]

BUT SHE WANTED TO SHOWSHE COULD TALIBAN

AS HARD AS EVERYONE ELSE.

all: SHOOT! SHOOT! SHOOT!

[all cheering]

[panicked shouts]

- SHE SHOULD HAVE STUCKWITH HER LAPTOP.

ONE OF THE ROUNDSBOUNCED OFF A METAL PITCHER,

AND DIDN'T STOP UNTILIT BANGED AROUND HER SKULL,

TURNING HER BRAININTO MUSH.

- WITH THE VELOCITYTHAT IT HAD,

IT WAS ABLE TO ENTERTHE CRANIAL CAVITY,

BUT DID NOT SUSTAINENOUGH VELOCITY TO EXIT.

WHAT ENDS UP HAPPENING ISIT BOUNCES OFF

EACH SIDE OF THE CRANIUM,

LIKE A BALLIN A PINBALL MACHINE.

THE RESULTING DEATHWOULD BE FROM

MASSIVE INTERNAL HEMORRHAGE.

- TANYA WAS JUST ANOTHERBLEEDING HEART

WHO WENT NATIVE.- MY WIFE.

- SHE THOUGHT SHE WASGOING TO HELP

OVERTHROW THE U.S.

IN THE END, SHE DID HER COUNTRYA HUGE FAVOR...

BY DYING.

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