The Final Straw

An actress turned coke addict sneezes while snorting a line, sending her metal coke straw into her brain.

- HELLO!

HI!

announcer: HILLARY BECAMEA MINOR CELEBRITY

AFTER BEING VOTED OFFA NOW-FORGOTTEN REALITY TV SHOW.

- HEY! IS THIS A PARTY?

- WHOO! WHOO!

announcer:HER 15 MINUTES ARE OVER,

BUT SHE KEEPS CHASINGTHE SPOTLIGHT.

- OH, YOU GOT THE PARTY.

announcer: LATELY,SHE'S HIRED A BODYGUARD

AND SURROUNDS HERSELFWITH A BUNCH OF SUCK-UPS

WHO BELIEVE IT WHENSHE TELLS THEM SHE'S FAMOUS.

- I GOT ONE FOR YOUAND ONE FOR ME.

announcer:TO COMPLETE THE PICTURE,

SHE SNORTS MORE COCAINETHAN A COLOMBIAN DRUG LORD.

- I HAVE THIS!

announcer: SHE EVEN HADHER OWN PLATINUM COKE STRAW.

- [snorting]

AH! HA HA!

HOO!

- WHEN YOU HAVE MONEYAND DRUGS

AND SEX WITH BEAUTIFUL PEOPLEPUT IN FRONT OF YOU,

IT'S HARD TO SAY NO,

AND WHEN IT GETS TO THAT POINTWHERE NOBODY SAYS NO,

THAT'S WHEN THINGSBECOME A PROBLEM.

THEY KEEP SPIRALINGAND SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL.

- THERE YOU GO.

announcer:THE FORMER REALITY CASTOFF

HAD COMPLETELY LOST TOUCHWITH REALITY.

- [laughing]

announcer: SHE DID ANYTHING...

- WHAT ARE YOU DOINGWITH MY BOYFRIEND?

announcer:AND ANYONE SHE PLEASED.

- WHY ARE YOUR PANTS UNDONE?

- WE'RE DONE HERE.KEVIN!

KEVIN, GET RID OF THIS THINGTHAT'S IN MY FACE.

- LET'S GO.

- SEE YA! BYE!

THAT'S HILARIOUS.

[snorting]AH HA!

announcer: HILLARY WAS GOODAT PRETENDING TO BE A STAR.

WHEN ONE OF THE PARTY LOSERSTOOK HER PICTURE,

SHE REACTED AS IF IT WASA PAPARAZZI ATTACK.

- OH, MY!- YOU'RE HOOKIN' ME UP!

announcer:AND LIKE A TRUE STAR,

SHE CALLED IN HER MUSCLE.

- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

KEVIN, CAN YOU TAKECARE OF THIS, PLEASE?

- GIMME THE CAMERA, BOY!

- HEY, GET OFF ME, MAN!

[straw squishes]

- OH, MY GOD!

announcer:THE SIX-INCH METAL TUBE

TRAVELED UP HER NOSTRIL,

BLEW THROUGH HER SEPTUM,

AND LODGEDIN HER FRONTAL LOBE.

- THE STRAW,LIKE A SWORD,

PUNCTURED THROUGHTHAT THIN, BONY WALL,

OF THE POSTERIORNASAL PASSAGE,

PENETRATINGINTO THE BRAINSTEM,

CAUSING IMMEDIATE HEMORRHAGE

AND DAMAGE TO THE CENTRAL AREAOF OUR BRAINSTEM

THAT CONTROLSOUR HEART AND OUR LUNGS,

AND SHE DIEDALMOST INSTANTANEOUSLY.

- HEY! IS THIS A PARTY?

announcer: SOMEONE ONCE SAIDFAME IS FLEETING...

- I HAVE THIS!

announcer:BUT STUPIDITY ETERNAL.

- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

KEVIN!

- OH, MY GOD!

announcer: ENOUGH SAID.

- CALL 911!

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