Dr. Assman

  • Aired 09/15/2010
  • 7,225 Views

A philandering proctologist gets his lungs full of searing heat and flame when his patient farts on the operating table, igniting the electro-cauterizing scalpel in the doctor's hand.

announcer:YOUR MAMA ALWAYS HOPED

THAT YOU'D GROW UPAND BE A RICH DOCTOR SOMEDAY,

BUT SHE PROBABLYDIDN'T HAVE THIS GUY IN MIND.

DR. BUTERA MADE A GOOD LIVING

IN THE BACK ENDOF THE MEDICAL BUSINESS.

AND IF HEWASN'T STITCHING TAIL,

HE WAS CHASING IT.

HE HAD A PATIENTACROSS TOWN NAMED MAKI.

A POLE DANCER BY TRADE,

SHE OCCASIONALLY MOONLIGHTEDIN THE PORN INDUSTRY.

UNFORTUNATELY,WHILE FILMING ONE DAY,

SHE TOOK IN A LITTLE MORETHAN SHE BARGAINED FOR.

- YOW.

- PORN STARS ARE DEFINITELYTHE ATHLETES AND THE GLADIATORS

OF THE ENTERTAINMENT BUSINESS.

THERE CAN BE SOME HAZARDSINVOLVED PHYSICALLY.

ONE TIME I DIDNEED TO SEE A DOCTOR

DUE TO THE SIZE OF THE PERFORMERAND THE FRICTION.

announcer:THE NEXT MORNING,

DR. BUTERAWAS READY TO WORK HIS MAGIC.

- LOOK,ISN'T THIS BEAUTIFUL?

- A CAUTERIZER IS USEDIN THE OPERATING ROOM

TO CUT SKIN OR OTHER TISSUE.

SO THEN INSTEAD OF A SCALPEL,

WHERE YOU WOULD CUTAND GET A LOT OF BLEEDING,

WITH A CAUTERIZER, WE CUT,AND NO BLEEDING OCCURS.

announcer:BUT RIGHT THEN,

MAKI'S REAR ENDRELEASED SOME EXHAUST.

- OOH.

announcer:IT SEEMS THE PROCTOLOGIST

HAD FAILEDTO TELL HIS PATIENT TO FAST

THE STANDARD12 HOURS BEFORE SURGERY.

- MMM. YUMMY.

announcer:AND LAST NIGHT'S CHILI DOG

WAS STARTING TO GROWL.

BUTERA DOVE INTO A CLOUD OF GASAND WENT TO WORK.

- HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO,IN FOR THE KILL.

announcer: BUT JUST BEFOREMAKING THE FINAL SEAL,

MAKI'S TAILPIPEBACKFIRED AGAIN.

AND DR. BUTERA

WAS ASS-ASSINATED.

- BECAUSE THE GAS IN OUR COLON

IS MADE OUT OF METHANE,HYDROGEN, AND OXYGEN--

METHANE AND HYDROGENARE VERY, VERY FLAMMABLE.

ANY KIND OF INSTRUMENTTHAT CREATES A SPARK,

SUCH AS A CAUTERIZER,

AND IT COMES IN CONTACTWITH THAT GAS,

A FIREIS VERY LIKELY TO OCCUR.

AND IN THIS SITUATION,

JUST AS THE DOCTOR INHALED,

THE PATIENT'S BUTT EXHALED.

THE FLAME TRAVELEDDIRECTLY DOWN THE WINDPIPE

AND COMPLETELYFRIED HIS LUNGS.

announcer: WHEN IT COMESTO PROCTOLOGISTS,

DR. BUTERATHOUGHT HE WAS THE BOMB...

UNTIL HIS PATIENTEXPLODED ONE IN HIS FACE.

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