Bleader

Season 3 3:20

A Kim Jong-il-esque tyrant openly condemns America culture while he’s secretly OBSESSED with it in his private chambers, and an ill-advised mimicking of cowboy gunplay kills him.

- YOU AMERICANS ARE STUPID!

GET OUT OF OUR COUNTRY!

narrator: HAFIZ ISTHE BRUTAL DICTATOR

OF A SMALL, OIL-RICH COUNTRYIN THE MIDDLE EAST.

- YOU THINK YOU COME TO OURCOUNTRY AND STEAL OUR OIL?

WE ARE NOT A GAS STATION!

narrator: HE GIVES DAILYTELEVISED SPEECHES

DENOUNCINGTHE UNITED STATES.

- AMERICA, GO TO HELL!

- AUTHORITARIAN REGIMESNEED A UNIFYING POINT

TO KEEP THEIR PEOPLEBEHIND THEM.

WE ARE THE ENTITYTHAT THEY CHOOSE TO USE

TO SHOW THEIR PEOPLE,LOOK,

WE DON'T HAVEANY OF THESE THINGS

BECAUSE AMERICAHAS IT ALL.

AMERICA TAKES IT ALL.

AMERICA CONTROLSTHE WHOLE WORLD.

SO THESETOTALITARIAN LEADERS,

UM, JUST SIMPLY USE USTO KEEP THEIR PEOPLE FOCUSED.

- DEATH TO AMERICA!

AND THIS IS ALL I HAVE TO SAYNOW!

narrator: THIS U.S. BASHERHAS A SECRET.

[twangy music]

- ♪ OH, BEAUTIFUL

♪ FOR SPACIOUS SKIES

narrator: WHEN HE TAKES OFFHIS UNIFORM,

HAFIZ IS AMERICA'SNUMBER ONE FAN.

- WELL, PILGRIM, I THINK THISPRETTY LOOK DAMN GOOD.

narrator: HAFIZ HADA SECRET PLAYROOM

WHERE HE WAS FREE TO INDULGEIN HIS OBSESSION

WITH ALL THINGSRED, WHITE, AND BLUE.

- TO ME, THIS LOOKS LIKECAMEL PENIS.

narrator: HE WAS A WEIRDCOMBINATION OF COWBOY

AND JIHADIST.

- ♪ MINE EYES HAVE SEENTHE GLORY ♪

♪ OF THE COMING OF ALLAH

narrator: THE MOST PRIZED PIECEIN HIS AMERICANA COLLECTION...

- GIDDY-UP, AHMED,GIDDY-UP!

narrator: WASA BRAND-NEW MECHANICAL BULL.

- YEE-HAW!

narrator: THE KILLING,TORTURE,

CHEMICAL WARFARE...

- RIDE 'EM, COWBOYS!

narrator: IT ALL MELTED AWAYWHEN HAFIZ

WAS ON TOP OF OLD SMOKEY.

- [ululating]

narrator: HIS ASSISTANT AHMEDWASN'T TOO CLEAR

ON HOW TO CONTROL IT.

- MY FAT WIFE MOVESFASTER THAN THIS!

narrator: THE DEATH THREATSDIDN'T SEEM TO HELP.

- FASTER, AHMED,OR I'LL CUT YOUR HEAD OFF!

HURRY UP!FASTER! FASTER, AHMED!

FASTER! YEE-HAW!

narrator: FINALLY IT WAS TOOMUCH BULL FOR THE CAMEL JOCKEY.

- AAH!

narrator: HAFIZ WOUND UPWITH A "MONUMENTAL" HOLE

WHERE HIS BLACK HEARTUSED TO BE.

- AH!

- WITH 175 POUNDSOF HIS BODY WEIGHT,

THE MONUMENT PUNCTURED THROUGHHIS BODY COMPLETELY.

IT WENT THROUGH HIS HEART,

MAKING HIM BLEEDALL OVER WASHINGTON, D.C.

WITH A TRAUMATIC PUNCTURE WOUNDTO THE HEART,

YOU WOULD LOSE BLOODINTO YOUR BODY.

WITHOUT BLOOD BEING ABLE TO GOTO ANY OF YOUR ORGANS

OR INTO YOUR BRAIN,YOU WOULD DIE INSTANTLY.

narrator: HAFIZ'S LOVEFOR AMERICA

WAS STRANGE BUT MISGUIDED.

- ALLAHU AKBAR!

narrator: IN THE LANDOF THE FREE...

- [ululating]

narrator: HE WAS NOTHINGBUT ONE MORE DEAD BAD GUY.

- AAH!

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