Boned Redneck

A moron tries to remove his own plaster arm cast with a table saw and succeeds, but dies from a fat embolism caused by his incorrect setting of his broken bone.

announcer:COOTER WAS A WORTHLESS PIECE

OF TRAILER TRASH.

- [coughs]

- IF HE CARED ABOUT ANYTHING,

IT WAS BOOZE, GUNS,AND HIS WELFARE CHECK.

- HERE. HERE, PUPPY.

[dog yipping][laughs]

announcer: BUT BEFORECOOTER GOT TOO DRUNK,

THERE WAS WORK TO DO.

IT GETS COLD AROUND HEREAT NIGHT,

AND HE NEEDED TO HITTHE WOOD SPLITTER FOR SOME FUEL.

MAKE THAT "FOOL."

HE WAS SO TRASHED...

- AAH!

announcer:HE BROKE HIS ARM INSTEAD.

- GOD DAMN!SON OF A BITCH!

- I'VE WORKED AROUNDHEAVY EQUIPMENT MOST OF MY LIFE.

A LOG SPLITTER IS PROBABLYONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS.

SOME OF THESE WOOD SPLITTERS,

THEY'RE PUTTING OUT10, 15, 20 P.S.I.

RIGHT THERE AT THE TIP.

IT'D BE LIKE GETTINGYOUR ARM RUN OVER

BY AN M1 ABRAMS TANK.

announcer:COOTER SAW HIMSELF

AS ONE OF THEM RED-BLOODEDAMERICAN DO-IT-YOURSELFERS,

AND HE WASN'T ABOUT TO WASTE

ANY HARD-EARNEDGOVERNMENT WELFARE MONEY

ON A DOCTOR.

- IT'S A WORK OF ART.

announcer:A MONTH LATER,

COOTER WAS READY TO CUT OFFHIS HOMEMADE CAST.

HE BROUGHT OVER

HIS FAVORITE ILLEGITIMATEDAUGHTER, TAMMY, TO HELP.

- YOU SEE THIS THING HERE?- UH, YEAH.

- NOW, THERE'S A DOCTOR.

- WHAT?WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- WE'RE GONNATAKE THIS THING OFF.

I NEED YOU TO HOLD IT.- NO, NO. STOP, STOP.

announcer: COOTER HADA THING FOR POWER TOOLS.

IF HE BROKE HIS ARMWITH A LOG SPLITTER,

MIGHT AS WELL USE A TABLE SAWTO REMOVE THE CAST.

THE REDNECK GODS SMILED DOWNUPON THE USELESS DRUNK.

- SEE THAT?TOLD YOU I WAS FINE.

announcer:AND THEN THEY PULLED HIS PLUG.

- OH!- OH, MY GOD!

announcer: WHEN COOTERDECIDED TO PLAY DOCTOR,

HE MADE TWO MISTAKES.

ONE, HE DIDN'T SETTHE BONE PROPERLY.

AND TWO, HE MADE THE CASTTOO TIGHT.

WHEN HE TOOK IT OFF,

FAT GLOBULES THAT WERE LEAKING

FROM THE MARROWOF HIS BROKEN BONE

WERE FINALLY RELEASEDBACK INTO HIS BLOODSTREAM.

THEY WENTSTRAIGHT TO HIS HEART

AND CAUSEDA FATAL EMBOLISM.

- [coughs]

announcer: THE ONLY THINGTO SAY ABOUT COOTER--

HE WAS A WORTHLESS,MEAN-SPIRITED DRUNK.

[gunshot]- THAT'S IT. YOU RUN!

AAH!

- Y'ALL DON'T COME BACKNOW, YA HEAR?

- AAH!

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