FUV

An arrogant, cyclist-hating doctor runs a group of two-wheelers off the road, rear ends a truck and winds up with a piece of rebar rammed in his mouth and out the back of his head

announcer: YOU'VE PROBABLYNOTICED MORE CYCLISTS

THESE DAYS EXERCISING,AND EVEN COMMUTING TO WORK.

AMERICA IS TURNING INTOA NATION OF BIKE LOVERS.

- [indistinct yelling]

announcer: BUT MR. SIRAKI HEREIS AN SUV-DRIVING BIKE HATER.

- JUST GET IN THE CAR!

announcer: HE'S A SLEAZYSPORTS DOCTOR

WHO PUMPS HIS PATIENTS,AND HIMSELF, FULL OF STEROIDS.

[horn honks]

SIRAKI IS SO LOADEDWITH TESTOSTERONE,

HE TURNS PSYCHOTIC WHEN A COUPLEOF CYCLISTS SLOW HIM DOWN.

- YOU GET OUT OF THE WAY!

[horn honks]

THAT'S NOT THE BICYCLE LANE!

announcer: ANABOLIC STEROIDSMIMIC THE HORMONE TESTOSTERONE.

THEY BUILD MUSCLE, AND ENCOURAGEAGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR.

AND IN THE CASE OF DR. SIRAKI,

TURN YOU COMPLETELY NUTS.

- DO YOU SEE A BICYCLE LANE?

[horn honks]

announcer: SIRAKI RUNSTHE CYCLISTS OFF THE ROAD.

- OW!

- AH!

- [laughs]- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

announcer: SOMETIMES THE BAD GUYGETS AWAY WITH MURDER.

- [screams][crash]

announcer: BUT NOTON THIS SHOW.

- AH!OH, MY GOD!

[screams]

- TRAVELING AT40 MILES AN HOUR,

THE REBAR, LIKE A SPEAR,

IMPALED HIM THROUGHTHE FRONT OF HIS BRAIN,

RUPTURING HIS FRONTAL LOBES.

BUT AS IT PASSED OUT THE BACK,IT BUILT UP PRESSURE

AND EXPLODED HIS BRAIN STEM--

THE CENTRAL CONTROL MECHANISMFOR YOUR HEART AND YOUR LUNGS.

THAT'S WHAT KILLED HIM.

[horn honks]

announcer: DR. SIRAKI THOUGHTHE OWNED THE ROAD.

TO HIM, A CYCLIST WAS A MENACETO HIS STEROID-DRIVEN,

PUMPED-UP LIFESTYLE.

- OW!

- [laughs]announcer: BUT IN THE END,

HE WENT FROM ROAD RAGE...

- [screams]announcer: TO ROAD...

- [screams]announcer: KILL.

- OH, MY GOD![screams]

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