Ferret In The Hole

  • Season 3
  • Aired 03/09/2012
  • 21,638 Views

A "ferret legging" enthusiast dies a horrible and painful death after two ravenous ferrets try to get to a bleeding hemorrhoid deep in his alimentary canal.

EVERY YEAR, A CONTEST OCCURSTHAT DEFIES DESCRIPTION.

- THIS IS NOTTO BE SEEN SOBER.

THE PLAYERS MUST ENDUREEXTREME PAIN...

- THEY ARE TRUE ATHLETES!

announcer:OVERCOME THEIR DEEPEST FEARS.

- LIKE MAN VERSUS MAN,MAN VERSUS NATURE.

- WHEN THESE GUYS UNDOTHEIR PANTS,

THAT'S WHEN THE GAME IS ON.

announcer:LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

IT'S TIME FOR THE ANNUAL...

- FREAKY FERRET FESTIVAL!

ALL RIGHT!

announcer: THE MAIN EVENTAT THIS FURRY FREAK SHOW--

SOMETHING CALLEDFERRET LEGGING...

A SPORT CREATED IN SCOTLANDTHAT'S NOW FOUND ITS WAY

OVER TO AMERICA.

- FERRET LEGGING IS...

YOU PUT A FERRET IN YOUR PANTS.

YOUR PANTS ARE SEALEDSO THEY CAN'T GET OUT.

THE LONGER YOU HAVE THE FERRETIN YOUR PANTS, YOU WIN.

WHEN PEOPLE ASK MEWHAT IT FEELS LIKE,

THERE'S A SCALEFROM "WARM AND FUZZY"

TO "PLEASE BLUDGEON MEIN THE HEAD."

- HERE THEY ARE,YOUR THREE CONTESTANTS!

- WHOO!

- DOWN YOU GO, LADDIE.

- CHEER HIM ON!NUMBER TWO, ALL RIGHT.

- DON'T BE AFRAIDOF NO FERRET!

- NUMBER THREE,DOWN THE HOLE!

announcer: AS SOON AS THE FURSTARTS FLYING...

- [giggling]- COME ON!

announcer:TWO OF THE, UH, ATHLETES...

DROP OUT.

IT'S DOWN TO REGGIE,

AND HE'S LOOKING TO BREAKTHE WORLD RECORD--

5 HOURS AND 26 MINUTES.

- OOH, NO, NO, NO, NO.OOH, OOH, OOH.

announcer: HE WANTS IT SO BAD,HE'S CHEATING.

- GO TO SLEEP.

GO TO SLEEP.

announcer: HE LEARNEDTHAT IF YOU STARVE FERRETS,

THEY BECOME DOCILETO PRESERVE ENERGY.

- NO.

announcer:HOURS GO BY.

THE AUDIENCE HAS WASTED AWAY.

JUST AS REGGIE IS ABOUTTO BREAK THE RECORD...

- YA-AHH!

announcer:HE FEELS A NASTY NIP

WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE.

REGGIE HAD A SWOLLENINTERNAL HEMORRHOID

THAT BURST LIKEAN OVERRIPE GRAPE.

- [screaming]

announcer: AND THERE'S NOTHINGLIKE A LITTLE BLOOD

TO WAKE UPA STARVING FERRET.

DINNER IS SERVED.

- AAH!

AAH!

- ONCE THE FERRET BURROWEDINTO HIS RECTUM

AND CLAWED AND GNAWEDAT HIS HEMORRHOIDAL TISSUES--

IT CAUSES A TREMENDOUS AMOUNTOF BLEEDING

FROM THESE HEMORRHOIDALBLOOD VESSELS.

BLEEDING CAUSED FROM THIS INJURYFROM THE FERRET

LED TO HIS ULTIMATE DEATH.

- NO, NO, NO.OOH, OOH, OOH.

announcer: REGGIE WENTLOOKING FOR A RECORD.

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

announcer: THE FERRETS WENTLOOKING FOR BLOOD.

- AAH!

announcer:FINAL SCORE--

FERRETS 1, REGGIE...DONE.

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