Fang Banged

Only these two guys would find a way to combine alcohol and guns but die from a snake.

(announcer)WHAT DO YOU GETWHEN YOU MIX

A COUPLE OF GOOD OL' BOYS,

TOO MANY BEERS, AND A SMALLARSENAL OF FIREARMS?

YOUR BASIC HILLBILLY HOLIDAY.

BUT THESE GUYS GOT MORETHAN THEY BARGAINED FOR.

IN A WORLD WHERE THERE'S1,000 WAYS TO DIE,

THIS ONE STRIKES YOUWHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.

[gun shots]

BOBBY JOE AND DARRYLWERE TWO BROTHERS

LOOKING TO BLOW OFF SOME STEAM.

WHAT BETTER WAY THANTO JUMP INTO YOUR PICKUP TRUCK,

GO OUT IN THE MIDDLEOF NOWHERE,

AND SHOOT OF SOME GUNS.

[gun shot]

OTHER THAN THE BRAIN-CRIPPLINGHANGOVER THEY WERE FACING

NOBODY GETS HURT AND THEY GETA DAYS' WORTH OF LAUGHS.

[laughs]

THINGS WERE GOING ACCORDINGTO PLAN

UNTIL DARRYL DECIDEDTO SCARE THE PANTS

OFF HIS LITTLE BROTHER.

JESUS!

[shouting]

(announcer)BOBBY JOE HIT THE GROUND

AND WAS DEAD WITHIN MINUTES...

BUT NOT FROM A GUNSHOT WOUND.

BOBBY HAD THE BAD LUCK

TO FALL ON TOPOF A RATTLESNAKE,

WHO DUG HIS FANGSINTO BOBBY'S CHEST

AND RELEASED HIS VENOMJUST ABOVE HIS HEART.

MY NAME IS JULES SYLVESTER

AND THIS IS ENOUGHRATTLESNAKE VENOM

TO KILL OVER A DOZEN PEOPLE.

95% OF THE PEOPLEGETTING BITTEN BY SNAKES,

THEY'RE UNDER 27 YEARS OLD,

THEY'RE WITH THEIR BUDDIES,

THEY'VE HAD A COUPLE OF BEERS,

AND THEY THINKTHEY'RE HOT STUFF.

AND THE SNAKE SAYS,"NO, YOU'RE NOT.

I'LL KILL YOU."

READY?SAY "AH."

[snake hisses]

UGH.

JESUS CHRIST.

VERY PISSED OFF.

SEE THE DROPS THERE?

TEN DROPS CAME OUTOF ONE FANG ALONE.

ALL IT TAKES IS ONE DROPTO KNOCK YOU ON YOUR BUTT.

THE FANGS ARE HOLLOW

JUST LIKE A HYPODERMIC.

AND IT'S A PERFECT DESIGN.

THEY'LL GO IN, STAB, SQUIRT,

AND PULL OUT IN A FRACTIONOF A SECOND.

THEY'RE VERY, VERY FAST.

(announcer)RATTLESNAKE VENOM CAN CAUSEMAJOR DAMAGE

THROUGHOUT THE BODY,

DESTROYING TISSUEAND ORGANS

AND DISRUPTS BLOOD CLOTTING.

SEVERE ENVENOMATION COMBINED

WITH DELAYED OR INEFFECTIVETREATMENT

CAN LEAD TO THE LOSSOF A LIMB

AND ULTIMATELY DEATH.

[snake rattling]

(man) SO IF YOU'RE A DRUNKEN REDNECK

AND YOU SPENT THE WHOLE DAY OUT IN THE HOT SUN

DRINKING, LIKE, 12 BEERS AND SHOOTING OFF GUNS

AND YOU FALL ON A SNAKE

AND YOU BASICALLY JUST GOT BIT,

WHAT DO YOU THINK'S GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND?

OUR FATHER WHICH ART IN HEAVEN,

HALLOWED BE THY NAME--

THAT'S ABOUT IT.

NOT GONNA MAKE IT, MATE.

[laughs]

(announcer)TECHNICALLY, RATTLESNAKESARE NOT POISONOUS;

THEY ARE VENOMOUS,

DELIVERING THEIR TOXINDIRECTLY INTO THE BLOODSTREAM.

A POISON IS INGESTED.

YOU COULD ACTUALLY DRINKA VIAL OF RATTLESNAKE VENOM

AND FEEL NO ILL EFFECTS.

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