Bird Brained

  • Season 3
  • Aired 08/09/2010
  • 3,604 Views

Bachelorette Denise is a bit of a teetotaler, but after a few sips of absinthe she'll be wishing for a hangover.

announcer: UP NEXT,A BACHELORETTE GETS WASTED...

[wings flapping, thud]

[men shouting]AND...

THE SPANISH INQUISITIONGETS MEDIEVAL ON...

[men screaming]

EVERYONE.

- AAH!

announcer: THREE CUTE GIRLSPLUS STRETCH LIMO

EQUALS BACHELORETTE PARTY.

- WHOO!

- YEAH!- YEAH!

announcer: DENISE,THE BRIDE-TO-BE,

WAS A YOUNG REPUBLICAN,TEA-PARTYING TEETOTALER.

- OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS.

- YOU HAVE TO WEAR IT,GIRLFRIEND!

announcer: A FEW SIPSOF CHAMPAGNE

WAS AS CRAZY AS SHE PLANNED ONGETTING TONIGHT.

- CHEERS!- CHEERS!

announcer: UNTIL HER BEST FRIENDPULLED A SURPRISE

OUT OF HER PURSE.

- HAVE YOU EVER HEARDOF ABSINTHE?

- WHAT?

announcer: ABSINTHE, THE BAD BOYOF THE BOOZE WORLD,

HAD A BAD REP ASA BRAIN-DESTROYING HALLUCINOGEN,

BUT IT WASN'T TRUE.

- I'VE HEARDABOUT THIS STUFF!

- PERHAPS THE BIGGEST URBANLEGEND SURROUNDING ABSINTHE

IS THAT IT DELIVERS EFFECTS

AKIN TO PSYCHEDELIC DRUGSAND HALLUCINATIONS.

THESE ARE LARGELY EXAGGERATED

AND ARE ROOTEDIN THE FACT THAT THERE WERE

A SMALL NUMBER OF ABSINTHESIN THE 19TH CENTURY

THAT WERE ADULTERATEDWITH POISONOUS CHEMICALS.

announcer: ABSINTHEGOES BY ANOTHER NAME:

THE GREEN DEVIL,

AND DENISE WAS ABOUT TO MEET HIMFACE TO FACE.

[women screaming]

THE NORMALLYQUIET TEA-PARTIER

HAD TURNEDINTO A FULL-ON TEA-BAGGER.

- TAKE IT OFF!

I AM A BACHELORETTE!

I AM GORGEOUS!WHOO-HOO!

announcer:WITH HER BLOOD RUNNING GREEN,

DENISE WAS FLYING HIGH,

UNTIL...

- YEAH! WHOO!

[wings flapping, thud]

- OH, MY GOD!

announcer: A LOW-FLYING PIGEON

BROUGHT THE PARTY AND DENISETO AN ABRUPT END.

- WHEN THERE IS THAT KINDOF BLUNT FORCE

THAT COMESINTO A NECK REGION,

IT CAN SNAP YOUR NECK BACKAND BREAK YOUR NECK

AND CAUSE SPINAL CORD DAMAGE,

WHICH CAUSES YOUTO STOP BREATHING,

SO YOU BASICALLY COLLAPSEAND DIE.

- OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS.

- YOU HAVE TO WEAR IT,GIRLFRIEND.

announcer: IF WE COULD OFFER

SOME POSTMORTEM ADVICETO DENISE,

IT WOULD BE THIS...

- [laughing]

announcer: NEXT TIME SOMEONEOFFERS YOU ABSINTHE...

[thud]

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

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