He Fell In Love With A Stripper

  • Season 3
  • Aired 05/19/2014
  • 5,511 Views

When a former DJ in a strip club falls for the wrong woman, his poor decisions come back to haunt him. She assaults him with a box cutter and savagely attacks him, now he needs to get rid of the tattoo that constantly reminds him of her.

- LET ME HEAR THIS STORY, MAN.

- I GOT A JOB AS A DJIN A STRIP CLUB.

- OKAY.- I MET THIS DANCER.

AND WE KIND OF JUST FELLIN LOVE INSTANTLY.

- THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKINGABOUT RIGHT THERE.

- OH, SO YOU REALLY DID FALLIN LOVE WITH A STRIPPER.

- OH, I FELL IN LOVEWITH A STRIPPER.

AFTER ABOUT A YEAR OR SO,

SHE STARTED GETTING KINDOF WEIRD, KIND OF POSSESSIVE.

SHE STARTS TALKINGABOUT, YOU KNOW,

GETTING MARRIEDAND LOOKING AT RINGS.

- HOW ROMANTIC WOULD IT BE

IF YOU WERE PAYINGFOR EVERYTHING?

- GIRL, YOU ARE TRIPPING.DO YOU SEE WHERE WE'RE AT?

- I WASN'T EVEN READYTO GO THERE.

- IF YOU LOVE ME, THEN YOU'LLAT LEAST GET MATCHING TATTOOS.

IT'LL SYMBOLIZE OUR LOVE.

- SO MY GIRLFRIEND DECIDEDTO PICK OUT A JAPANESE SYMBOL

THAT REPRESENTEDOUR ETERNAL CONNECTION

AND THE BONDTHAT WE'RE GONNA HAVE

FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

- AAH! I CAN'T BELIEVEI'M DOING THIS!

[groans]- IT'S HOT IN HERE.

- 25 MINUTES IN,WE'RE FINALLY DONE.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'VE DECIDED I'M NOTGETTING A TATTOO.

- WHAT?- I'M NOT GETTING TATTOOED.

SO SUCK IT.- NO!

- THERE'S NO WAY IN HELLTHAT I WAS STAYING WITH HER.

THAT WAS IT.I WAS DONE.

- I STILL LOVE YOU, THOUGH.

- SO THREE MONTHS LATER,I'M SHOPPING.

SHE KNOCKED ON THE GLASSOF THE STORE THAT I WAS IN...

- OH, GOD.- AND SHE JUST WAVES.

LIKE, PSYCHO WAVE."HEY!"

LIKE, I HAVEN'T EVEN TALKEDTO HER FOR MONTHS.

SO I'M INSTANTLY NERVOUS.YOU JUST--

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE THATGUT FEELING THAT SOMETHING'S--

- ABOUT TO GET REAL.

- IT'S ABOUT TO GET REAL REAL.

- SURPRISE!

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- HI, TY.

- AND I STARTED WALKING AWAY.

NEXT THING YOU KNOW,SHE STARTS TO GIGGLE,

AND SHE PULLS OUTA BOX CUTTER.

- HOLY--

- [shrieking]- AND SHE JUST COMES AT ME.

- YOU LEFT ME BECAUSE I DON'TWANT TO GET A STUPID TATTOO!

- [screaming]- [laughing maniacally]

- SHE LITERALLY JUST RUNS OFF.

- DUDE, WITH A BOX CUTTER?

- I END UP GOINGTO THE HOSPITAL.

I GET 160 STITCHES.

I GOT THE SCARS.- OH!

- YEAH, AND IT GOESALL THE WAY UP HERE.

- HOLY SH--

- IT MAKES MY HEART, YOU KNOW,SKIP A BEAT A LITTLE BIT

BECAUSE SHE ESCAPEDTHE SCENE OF THE CRIME.

- NOW I GET WHY THISIS HAUNTING YOU, DUDE,

BECAUSE SHE'S STILL WALKINGAROUND OUT THERE.

- SCARIEST THINGTHAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

- YO, THIS IS CRAZY, DUDE.

- TELL ME ABOUT IT.

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