Taxi Scab

Season 3 2:32

A businessman tries to steal someone else’s cab when he gets hit by a truck carrying a spool of wire which gets caught between the taxi and truck aluminum siding and his body is sliced in two.

- WHAT?

OKAY, THAT'S EXACTLY WHATTHE JERKOFF IN ACCOUNTING SAID,

AND YOU--YOU AGREED WITH HIM?

narrator: MEET TED,A BIG SHOT BLOWHARD

WHO GETS OFF BY MAKINGEVERYONE AROUND HIM MISERABLE.

- YOU FORGOTTO MAKE THE WAKE-UP CALL

FOR ME AT THE HOTEL.

narrator: WHAT TED LACKSIN PEOPLE SKILLS,

HE MAKES UP FORIN IMPATIENCE.

- OH, GREAT,NOW I GOTTA STAND IN LINE

FOR A DAMN TAXI.

YOU KNOW,WHY CAN'T YOU FOR ONCE--

YOU--YOU THINK AHEAD

AND MAYBEGET A CAR FOR ME?

narrator: TED THE BULLYUSUALLY GETS WHAT HE WANTS.

OR ELSE,HE JUST TAKES IT.

- SIR! - HEY.

- SIR, HOLD ON A MINUTE.- YEAH.

- IT'S HER CAB, SIR.- IT'S MINE NOW.

I AM LATE FOR THE AIRPORT.

I NEED THIS CAB RIGHT NOW.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?- SIR, COME ON.

- ON A TYPICAL NIGHT,

12-HOUR SHIFT,

UH, THE AVERAGE WOULD BEABOUT 30 PASSENGERS.

OUT OF THE 30 PASSENGERSA NIGHT,

6 TO 8 PEOPLE WOULD BEFIGHTING OVER THE CAB.

SOME OF THESEWERE FISTFIGHTS.

AND THAT'SKIND OF AN AVERAGE NIGHT.

- SHE CAN FIND ANOTHER CABIN ANOTHER MINUTE.

- HAVE A LITTLE RESPECT.- GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY CAB.

[groaning]

narrator: LOOKS LIKE TED'SGOTTEN HIMSELF

INTO A TIGHT SQUEEZE.

WHAT TED DIDN'T SEE--

BECAUSE HE WAS TOO BUSYBEING A TOOL--

- I NEED THIS CAB RIGHT NOW!

narrator: WAS A UTILITY TRUCKPASSING WITH A TOW LINE

SWINGING LOOSE.

THE HOOK GOT CAUGHTIN THE CAB'S TRUNK.

- [groaning]

narrator: THE STEEL CABLESNAPPED TIGHT.

AND SLICEDCLEAN THROUGH HIS BODY.

- BISECTION INJURYREFERS TO AN INJURY

IN WHICH THE BOTTOM HALFOF THE BODY

IS SEPARATEDFROM THE OTHER HALF.

NOW, THROUGH THE MIDSECTION,

THERE IS REALLY ONLYONE BONE

THAT YOU HAVE TO CUT THROUGH,AND THAT'S THE VERTEBRAL BODY

OF THE LUMBAR SPINE.

THIS BISECTION INJURYWOULD HAVE CAUSED

MASSIVE HEMORRHAGEFROM THE VEINS AND ARTERIES

OF THE GUT.

THIS WOULD HAVE CAUSEDALMOST INSTANT DEATH.

narrator:TED WAS A MAJOR DOUCHE

WHO BADGERED AND BULLIEDEVERYONE

HE INTERACTED WITH.

- THINK AHEADAND MAYBE GET A CAR FOR ME.

narrator: WAITING YOUR TURN

WAS FOR OTHER LOSERS,NOT HIM.

- GET YOUR HANDSOFF MY CAB.

narrator: A NICER PERSONMIGHT HAVE OFFERED

TO SHARE THAT CAB.

- [groaning]

narrator: INSTEAD,TED WENT HALVSIES.

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