Dead Carpet

  • Season 3
  • Aired 11/14/2011
  • 15,081 Views

A nightclub bouncer on a power trip gets in a tussle with an impatient guest when the awning collapses and impales his skull, causing a fatal concussive brain trauma

CLUB HOPPING CAN BEA FRUSTRATING EXPERIENCE.

- YOU TWO.FRONT OF THE LINE, NOW.

- WHAT?

announcer: AT THIS ONE,TO MAKE IT PAST THE VELVET ROPE,

YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT PASTBENNY THE BOUNCER.

- HEY, WHAT'S--WHAT'S THE--

- HOLD ON.

announcer: FOR THISINTIMIDATING EX-CON,

MONEY DEFINITELY TALKS.

IT ALSO HELPEDIF YOU WERE SMOKING HOT

AND FLASHED A LOT OF SKIN.

IF YOU WERE ADAM AND SAM,

JUST ANOTHER COUPLE OF DUDESLOOKING FOR FUN,

GOOD LUCK.

- WE'VE BEEN HERE A WHILE.

- WHAT PART OF "HOLD ON"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

GO TO THE BACK OF THE LINE.- WHAT?

- GO TO THE ENDOF THE LINE.

announcer: BENNY'S HAIR-TRIGGERTEMPER WAS A BRICK WALL.

- HERE ARE THE TWO TYPESOF BOUNCERS:

YOU HAVE THE GUY WHO DID NOTMAKE THE CUT IN THE NFL,

AND HE'S MAD AT THE WORLD.

THEN YOU HAVE THE GUY THATCOULD NOT PASS THE POLICE TEST.

ANY TIME WE HADAN UPSCALE CROWD,

THEY WOULD PURPOSEFULLYPICK ON ANYBODY

THEY COULD IDENTIFYAS A COLLEGE BOY.

ONE DAY, A GUY'STRYING TO GET IN,

SO THE BOUNCER REACHED ACROSSAND SNATCHED THE GUY

OVER THE RAIL,AND WAS ABOUT TO POUND HIM.

announcer: FINALLY,AFTER A TWO HOUR WAIT,

ADAM AND SAMARE BACK IN FRONT.

- ARE WE NEXT?

- GO TO THE ENDOF THE LINE.

- [chuckles]

- OH, I'M A JOKE,NOW?

- REALLY?- I'M A JOKE?

- I'M SORRYIF I MADE YOU MAD.

I'M SUPPOSEDTO MEET SOMEBODY.

- ARE YOU TOUCHING ME?

- [groans]- ARE YOU TOUCHING--

announcer: ONCE BENNYGOES OFF...

- DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH ME,MAN!

announcer: THERE'S NO STOPPINGMR. ANGER MISMANAGEMENT...

UNTIL...

- DON'T TOUCH ME!DON'T TOUCH ME!

- [grunting]

AH!

- [gasps]

[screaming]

- FALLING AWNING ENTERSINTO THE BRAIN TISSUE,

DRIVING FRAGMENTS OF BONEINTO THE BRAIN TISSUE,

DESTROYING ITS ASSOCIATEDBLOOD VESSELS.

BLEEDING OCCURSAS A CONSEQUENCE.

RESPIRATORY FUNCTION CEASES,

AND YOU'RE BASICALLY LEFTIN A VEGETATIVE STATE,

AND ULTIMATELY,THE SUBJECT DIES QUICKLY.

announcer: THE CLUB SCENECAN BE EXASPERATING...

- YOU TWO.

announcer: UNFAIR...- GO TO THE END OF THE LINE.

- SUPPOSED TO MEET SOMEBODY--- ARE YOU TOUCHING ME?

- NO--[groans]

announcer: AND FORAN AGRO-BOUNCER LIKE BENNY...

- [gasps]

[screaming]

announcer: DEADLY.

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