Fatty Splatty

Season 3 3:07

A moron's DIY liposuction goes awry when the vacuum he's using pierces his abdominal wall and latches onto his small intestine.

DAVE HAD A DREAM.

HE WANTED TO LOOKAS CARVED AND CUT

AS A PROFESSIONALBODYBUILDER.

THE PROBLEM WAS DAVEWAS AS LAZY AS HE WAS VAIN.

FOLLOWING THE PATHOF LEAST PERSISTENCE,

DAVE CAME UPWITH A PERFECT SHORTCUT--

LIPOSUCTION.

THERE WAS NO WAY DAVE COULDAFFORD A REAL PLASTIC SURGEON.

HIS SOLUTION--DO IT HIMSELF.

BUT HE'D NEED HELP.

- JOHNNY.

WHAT'S UP, BOSS?

- DAVE, HOW ARE YOU, BUDDY?

- I'M GOOD. YOURSELF?- GOOD, MAN.

announcer:BEST FRIEND JOHNNY

WAS THE LOYAL-TO-A-FAULT,

DO-ANYTHING-YOU-ASK,FOLLOW-YOU-ANYWHERE

KIND OF FRIEND.

- SEE, IF WE JUSTMAKE INCISIONS,

LITTLE INCISIONS.- I'LL DO IT.

- YEAH, I KNEW YOU WOULD.NICE!

announcer: WITH LESS THANHALF A BRAIN BETWEEN THEM,

THEY CAME UPWITH A HALF-ASSED PLAN.

FOR ANESTHESIA,SOME FREEZE SPRAY...

- MY ARM'S ALREADY NUMB.

announcer: AND A HANDFULOF PAINKILLERS.

FOR THE ALL-IMPORTANTSUCKING POWER,

A GARAGE VACUUM.

- OH, HEY.

- ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT METO DO THIS?

- DO IT!- OKAY.

announcer: DR. JOHNNYMADE A CRUDE INCISION,

STUCK AN EVEN CRUDER TUBEINTO DAVE'S STOMACH,

AND HIT THE SWITCH.

- IT'S WORKING.HOLD STILL, OH!

I'M GETTING FAT.

announcer:DAVE'S VACUUM COULD SUCK

210 CUBIC FEET OF AIRPER MINUTE.

A NORMAL HOUSE VACUUMIS IN THE 30 TO 40 RANGE.

A TYPICAL LIPOSUCTION MOTOR

HAS A C.F.M. RATINGOF ONLY THREE.

- I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

- MAKE SURE IT'S EVEN.

- THIS ISN'T RIGHT.

- MAKE SURE IT'S EVEN!

- IT'S EVEN.

announcer: FOR A MINUTE,IT LOOKED LIKE

THEIR CRAZY PLANWAS ACTUALLY GOING TO WORK.

- AAH!

- HOLD STILL.WHOA.

announcer:BUT THEN THE FAT HIT THE FAN.

JOHNNY MISTAKENLY LOCKED ONTOA PIECE OF DAVE'S INTESTINES

AND BEGAN SUCKING THE LIFEOUT OF HIS DUMB FRIEND.

- YOU IDIOT!

PULL IT OUT!TURN IT OFF!

TURN IT OFF!

announcer: BEFORE HE COULDPULL THE PLUG,

JOHNNY HAD SUCKEDENOUGH OF DAVE'S GUTS

TO TURN HIM FROM A FATTYINTO A FATALITY.

- A CANNULAIS A HOLLOW-TUBE INSTRUMENT

DESIGNED TO GORIGHT UNDERNEATH THE SKIN

TO SUCTION OUTTHE FAT CELLS.

IN THIS CASE,

HE USED A FULL-STRENGTHINDUSTRIAL VACUUM HOSE,

WHICH PIERCED THE SKIN,THE FAT CELLS,

THE MUSCLE LAYER, AND THROUGHTHE ABDOMINAL CAVITY,

CAUSING THE INTESTINESTO SUCK UP ONTO THE CANNULA,

'CAUSING BLOOD LOSS, SHOCK,AND DEATH.

announcer:IT'S NOT HARD TO FIGURE OUT

LIPOSUCTIONIN YOUR OWN GARAGE

IS NOT A GOOD IDEA.

- YOU IDIOT!

announcer: DAVE DIDN'T HAVEA LOT OF BRAINS,

BUT HE SURE HADA LOT OF GUTS.

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