Critical Condition

  • Season 3
  • Aired 02/01/2012
  • 11,238 Views

An asshole food critic is writing a scathing restaurant review when the toothpick he had unknowingly swallowed during dinner causes fatal peritonitis.

- BEST SEAT IN THE HOUSE.

narrator: MEET SEBASTIAN,

THE FEARED AND POWERFULLOCAL FOOD CRITIC.

- HE'S HERE.

narrator: MANY A RESTAURANTHAS HAD TO CLOSE

AFTER ONE OF HISTYPICALLY BAD REVIEWS.

THE HEAD CHEF AT CAFE BISTRO,A NEW EATERY...

- THIS IS SO WRONG...

narrator: HAS COME UP WITHA DESPERATE PLAN

TO DEAL WITHTHE GRUMPY CRITIC.

- JUST GIVE HIM MARTINIS.

narrator:MAYBE IF HE'S DRUNK ENOUGH,

HE'LL WRITE A GOOD REVIEWFOR ONCE.

- TRADITIONALLY, A FOOD CRITICWAS SUPPOSED TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS

BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO BETREATED LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

NOWADAYS, THOUGH,YOU HAVE FOOD CRITICS

WHO WILL ANNOUNCETO A RESTAURANT,

"I AM A FOOD CRITIC--I'M GONNAREVIEW YOUR RESTAURANT.

narrator: BUT AFTER SAMPLINGSEVERAL MARTINIS...

- HERE IS THE CHEF'SLATEST DISH.

narrator: AND A FEWOF THE CHEF'S SPECIALS,

SEBASTIAN LEFTIN A HUFF OF DISGUST.

- UGH, WORST RESTAURANT IN...

narrator: TWO DAYS LATER,AS HE CARVED UP CAFE BISTRO

IN HIS REVIEW,

SEBASTIAN SUFFEREDA BAD CASE OF INDIGESTION.

- OH, MY GOD. OOF...

narrator:DESPITE THE PAIN,

SEBASTIAN SOLDIERED ON.

AFTER ALL, THERE WASA NEW RESTAURANT TO SKEWER.

- OH!

narrator: TURNS OUTHIS INDIGESTION WAS ACTUALLY

SOMETHING MUCH MORE SERIOUS.

- OH! OH, MY GOD!

narrator:WHILE SUCKING DOWN MARTINIS

AT CAFE BISTRO,

SEBASTIAN UNKNOWINGLY SWALLOWEDPART OF AN OLIVE TOOTHPICK.

HE HAD BEEN BLEEDINGINTERNALLY EVER SINCE.

- AS THE GENTLEMANSWALLOWED THE TOOTHPICK,

WHICH WAS MADE OF PLASTIC,

IT BECAME LODGED IN THE LININGOF THE STOMACH.

AN ABSCESS FORMEDAROUND THE TOOTHPICK,

CAUSING PERITONITIS,OR AN INFLAMMATION

OF THE LININGOF THE ABDOMINAL CAVITY.

THIS PERITONITIS ISAN INFECTION

THAT WOULD HAVE KILLED HIMOVER A COUPLE OF DAYS.

narrator: SEBASTIAN LOVEDSTICKING IT TO RESTAURANTS...

- THIS IS SO WRONG.

narrator: UNTIL CAFE FATESERVED HIM A DISH CALLED...

- OH, GOD! HELP!

narrator: DEATH.

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