Wedding Swinger

Season 3 3:16

A wedding singer is hitting on all the female guests, including the bride, at a wedding reception when he chokes to death on his wireless microphone.

[crowd cheering]

EMILY AND JOHNJUST GOT MARRIED,

AND NOW IT'S TIMEFOR THE PARTY.

- KISS!

- THE BAND THEY BOOK CANCELEDAT THE LAST MINUTE,

AND SO THEY WERE FORCEDTO HIRE SANDY...

- WHOO!

- A ONE-MAN BANDWEDDING SINGER,

SIGHT UNSEEN.

- WHOO!OH!

WHOO!RUNNING MAN--REMEMBER THIS?

narrator:A SUCCESSFUL WEDDING RECEPTION

DEPENDS A GREAT DEALUPON THE ENTERTAINMENT.

- OH, YOU WANT SOME, TOO, MAMA?ALL RIGHT!

- WITH HIS TACKYPAWN SHOP TUXEDO...

- IT'S A PARTY.EVERYBODY DRINK UP!

- OBVIOUS DRINKING PROBLEM...

- NURSE!

- AND KNACK FOR INSULTS...- HOW YOU DOING, MOM?

THIS YOUR SON?

- SANDY WAS SHAPING UP TO BENO DAY AT THE BEACH.

- WHOO!

- THE WEDDING SINGER,BEING THE FRONT MAN OF A BAND,

TYPICALLY GETS ANYWHERE FROM$3,500 TO $10,000

FOR A WEDDING.

I'VE SEEN PEOPLESNEAK DRINKS,

AND I'VE HAD TO GET ON THEMLIKE, "HEY, YOU'RE HERE,

YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL.YOU'RE WORKING."

THERE'S NO ROOM FOR ALCOHOLIN THIS.

I MEAN,LEAVE THAT FOR THE GUESTS,

BECAUSE THE BRIDE AND GROOMAREN'T PAYING FOR YOU TO DRINK.

[feedback whine]narrator: WHY IS IT WHEN YOU

THINK THINGSCAN'T GET ANY WORSE...

- CAN I HAVEYOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE?

narrator:THEY DO?

- I WROTE A SONGWHILE I WAS TAKING A DUMP,

AND I THINK YOU'RE REALLYGONNA LIKE IT.

[soft music]

♪ HEY, YOU DUMB FOOL

♪ YOU GOT DRUNKAND KNOCKED HER UP ♪

♪ AND NOW YOU'RE MARRIED

♪ YOU STUPID SLUT

♪ LOOK AT YOUR BUMP

♪ YOU SPREAD YOUR LEGS

♪ AND NOW YOU'RE STUCK

♪ WITH A LOSER

♪ HE GAVE YOU HERPESSIMPLEX II ♪

♪ THE TWO

♪ OF YOU

♪ ARE [shrilly] SCREWED

- HE'S RUINING OUR WEDDING!

- ♪ YOU'RE SCREWED

- YOU'RE RIGHT, BABY.

- THE BEST MAN TRIES TO KEEPJOHN FROM COMMITTING MURDER...

- CHILL OUT.- GET OFF OF ME!

- AND THEN THE FREAKIESTOF ALL FREAK ACCIDENTS

HAD SANDY SWALLOWINGHIS WORDS.

[wheezing, feedback]

THE GUESTS WERE TOO SHOCKEDTO DO ANYTHING

BUT WATCH IN HORROR.

- UH...UH...

[moans fade away, Wedding March playing]

- ASPHYXIATIONREFERS TO THE BODY

BEING UNABLE TO OBTAINOXYGEN FROM THE ENVIRONMENT.

NOW, THAT CAN BE CAUSEDBY A NUMBER OF THINGS

SUCH AS AN OBSTRUCTIONIN THE AIRWAY

OR A BLOCKAGEAT THE MOUTH.

THE WAY THE VOCAL CHORDSARE FORMED,

IF A LARGE ENOUGH OBJECTIS PUSHED PAST THEM,

IT CAN PREVENT THAT OBJECTFROM BEING PULLED OUT

BECAUSE OF THE VALVETHAT THE VOCAL CHORDS ACT AS.

narrator: WEDDING RECEPTIONSARE SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.

- GET SOME TONGUE ACTIONIN THERE, HUH?

- SANDY GOT WASTED AND TURNEDTHIS ONE INTO A NIGHTMARE.

- ♪ YOU ARE SCREWED

UH...UH...

- OH, WELL.

TIME TO CUT THE CAKE.

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