Silent Night

Season 3 2:28

An ornery mall Santa dies after being struck by a falling icicle.

'TWAS THREE WEEKSBEFORE CHRISTMAS,

AND RIGHT OUTSIDETHE MALL,

NOT A CREATURE WAS STIRRING,

EXCEPT TWO HOT ELVES,AND A STONER SANTA NAMED PAUL.

- YOU WANT?- NO.

- TRY THIS. THIS IS GOOD STUFF.- NO, THANKS.

- THERE WERE NO CUTE CHILDRENTO SIT AND TO POSE.

THEIR PARENTS WEREALL BROKE,

THEIR HOMES ALL FORECLOSED.

THIS WAS NO ST. NICK,BUT HE SURE LIKED HIS HOS.

HE FELT UP THE ELVES...

- LOVE THAT OUTFITOF YOURS, BABY.

- TILL THEY SLAPPED HIMAND SAID...

- IF YOU LAY ONE MORE OF YOURFILTHY FINGERS ON HER,

I'M GETTING OUR MANAGER.

- A BEGINNING SANTA CAN MAKEUP TO 100 BUCKS AN HOUR,

WHEREAS A VETERAN SANTACAN MAKE UP TO

175 TO 200 BUCKS AN HOUR.

IF SANTA WORKS 40 HOURS A WEEKDURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON,

HE CAN BRING IN UP TO $10,000IN HOLIDAY WAGES.

- ON REEFER, ON SPLEEF,ON BLUNTY, ON BONE,

[laughing maniacally]

THIS SANTA WAS A JUNKIE...- MMM.

- ALL HE DID WAS GET STONED.

THE MALL MANAGER GOTFLUSTERED,

AND LET OUT A BIG CRY.

- YOU'RE FIRED, OKAY?

- OH, COME ON!- GET OUT OF HERE!

GET OUT OF HERE!- AND SANTA GOT BUSTED

FOR BEING SO HIGH.

- WHAT'S GOING ON?HEY!

- THIS RAT-BEARDED STONER

FINALLY LOOKEDTO THE SKY,

AND TOOK A LARGE ICICLE...

- AAH!- [gasps]

- RIGHT IN THE EYE.[both screaming]

- THE KEY TO AN ICICLEIS THE FACT THAT

WHEN WATER RE-FREEZES,IT RELEASES HEAT.

AS THE WATER DRIPS DOWNTHAT ICICLE,

THE RELEASED HEAD ACTUALLYFORMS LIKE A BLANKET.

THE TOP OF THE ICICLEFORMS SLOWLY.

THE TIP OF THE ICICLEFORMS RAPIDLY.

ICICLES COULD GROWAS BIG AS 100 FEET.

SHOULD THOSE ICICLES BREAK,YOU'RE TALKING

INCREDIBLY DANGEROUSSITUATIONS FOR PEDESTRIANS,

PEOPLE DRIVING IN CARSBELOW.

OF COURSE, THERE HAVE BEENSITUATIONS

WHERE PEOPLE HAVE ACTUALLYBEEN KILLED

BY ICICLES FALLINGFROM BUILDINGS,

AND FROM DIFFERENTLOCATIONS.

- THIS SANTA WAS A LOSER,NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT.

- LOVE THAT OUTFITOF YOURS, BABY.

- MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL...

- YOU'RE FIRED. GET OUT OF HERE!- OH, COME ON!

- AND THANK GODHE GOT WHACKED.

- AAH!

[both screaming]

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