Last Call

  • Season 3
  • Aired
  • 19,777 Views

A fantasy football fanatic dies after his jugular is cut in a bar brawl.

narrator: A SPORTS BARDURING THE NFL SEASON

CAN GET PRETTY CRAZY.

[all cheering]

BUT THEN, THERE AREFANTASY FOOTBALL FANATICS

LIKE STELJIS,

WHO TAKE CRAZYTO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL.

- YOU SEE HIM?TAKE IT, BRADY, TAKE IT.

THAT'S 4 POINTS FOR ME.YES!

narrator: STELJISHAD ONLY TWO FRIENDS,

THE TELEVISION REMOTE

AND THE ONLINE PROGRAMTHAT TABULATED

HIS FANTASY FOOTBALL POINTS.

- YES! 7 POINTS.

- I START OUTGOING TO A BAR

WHERE EVERY SINGLE THINGIS PLAYING,

SO EVEN IF IT'SA COMMERCIAL IN ONE GAME,

I'M WATCHINGTHREE OF MY PLAYERS

SCORE TOUCHDOWNSAND RETURN KICKS

IN ANOTHER GAME.

YOU MAY HAVEYOUR RELIGIONS.

I DO TOO.

AND MINE IS 300-POUND MEN

RUNNING INTO EACH OTHERDAY IN AND DAY OUT.

narrator: STELJIS'FANTASY ADDICTION

ANNOYED EVERYONE.

- THAT'S -2 POINTS!COME ON, VICK!

- WHO ARE YOU ROOTING FOR?- VICK!

narrator: HE BOUNCED AROUNDFROM TV TO TV,

KEEPING TABSON HIS VIRTUAL TEAM.

- COME ON, VICK.REDEEM YOURSELF!

LET'S PUT ONTHE DALLAS GAME.

I GOT JASON WITTEN PLAYING.

narrator: UNTIL...

- MAN, WE'RE WATCHINGTHIS GAME!

narrator: HE PISSED OFFTHE WRONG PERSON.

- WHAT THE HELL?- WHAT?

narrator: STELJIS WASN'TMUCH OF A FIGHTER...

AND WHILE THE TABLES TURNED,

HE SLIPPED OFF.

[all shouting and grunting]

HE WAS TRYING TO CATCHA FEW MORE PLAYS.

BUT A SPORTS FANLIKE STELJIS SHOULD KNOW:

NEVER TAKE YOUR EYEOFF THE REAL ACTION.

A PIECEOF THE SHATTERED BEER MUG

CAUGHT A SOFT SPOTIN STELJIS' NECK.

- THE SHARP PIECE OF GLASSFLYING THROUGH THE AIR

WOULD HAVE LACERATEDTHIS GENTLEMAN'S NECK,

CUTTING NOT ONLYTHE CAROTID ARTERY,

BUT THE JUGULAR VEIN.

NOW YOU'VE CUT OFFBOTH THE SUPPLY TO THE BRAIN

AND FROM THE BRAIN,DRAINING THE BLOOD

FROM THE BRAIN OUT QUICKLY.

HE COULD HAVE EASILY LOSTTHREE LITERS OF BLOOD

WITHIN MINUTESAND DIED.

narrator: STELJIS LIVEDIN A FANTASY WORLD

WHERE NOTHING MATTERSBUT TOUCHDOWNS,

INTERCEPTIONS,AND YARDS PER CARRY.

BUT THEN HE GOT MUGGEDBY REALITY.

MARK IT DOWN, STELJIS.

YOU'VE BEEN SACKED.

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