Sloppy Seconds

  • Season 3
  • Aired 02/01/2012
  • 18,979 Views

A sexy Southern Belle working a kissing booth dies of anaphylactic shock when she puckers up with a star baseball player who had been chewing sunflower seeds.

- THREE BALLS, $1.TRY YOUR LUCK.

narrator: WELCOME TO COBBCOUNTY'S ANNUAL CHARITY FAIR.

ALL OF THIS YEAR'S PROCEEDS

WILL GO TOTHE NEW CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL.

- HOT DOG?

- KISSES FOR CHARITY.

narrator: LOUISE,THE HOTTEST GIRL IN TOWN,

WAS WORKINGTHE MOST POPULAR BOOTH.

IT WAS CASH ONLY,BUT DON'T EVEN THINK

OF GETTING YOUR BIG MOUTHNEAR HER JUICY RED LIPS.

- COME ON.EHH! ON THE CHEEK.

BYE.

- THE MOUTH TRANSMITSA LOT OF DISEASES

BECAUSE IT'S A BREEDING GROUNDFOR BACTERIA.

MONONUCLEOSIS,AKA THE KISSING DISEASE,

IS TRANSMITTED BY SALIVA,AND HERPES SIMPLEX 1

IS TYPICALLY FOUNDON THE MOUTH.

EIGHT OUT OF TEN AMERICANSHAVE ORAL HERPES,

AND SOME OF THEM--MILLIONS OF THEM--

DON'T EVEN KNOW THEY HAVE IT,

AND THEY TRANSMIT ITUNKNOWINGLY.

narrator:THE THING ABOUT LOUISE--

SHE WAS HER OWNFAVORITE CHARITY.

MORE MONEY WOUND UP ON HERTHAN IN THE JAR.

BUT THEN HER OLD HIGH SCHOOLCRUSH ENTERED THE SCENE--

JOHNNY, THE ONE-TIME STARPITCHER OF THE BASEBALL TEAM.

- COME OVER HERE, HANDSOME.

narrator: FOR JOHNNY,LOUISE WAS MORE THAN WILLING

TO PART THOSE WET LIPSAND SUCK FACE.

BUT THEN JOHNNYTOOK HER BREATH AWAY.

- [choking]

narrator: JOHNNY KEPT ONE HABITFROM HIS BASEBALL DAYS--

CHEWING ON SUNFLOWER SEEDS.

ONCE THEY SWAPPED SPIT,

LOUISE SUFFERED A FATALALLERGIC REACTION.

- IN THIS CASE,ONCE SHE'S EXPOSED

TO THE SUNFLOWER SEED OIL,

HER BODY STARTS AN IMMEDIATEIMMUNE RESPONSE--

SHORTNESS OF BREATH,

HER TONGUE WOULD HAVE SWOLLEN.

SHE WOULD HAVE STOPPEDBREATHING.

HER ENTIRE CIRCULATORY SYSTEMIS INCAPACITATED

AND DEATH WILL ENSUEWITHIN A FEW MINUTES.

- EHH! ON THE CHEEK.

narrator:LOUISE WAS A BAD GIRL.

STEALING MONEY MEANTFOR CHARITY WAS WRONG.

- [choking]

narrator: SHE PAID FORHER SINS WITH HER LIFE,

AFTER SWALLOWINGSOME GUY'S...

[carnival "ring the bell"sound effects]

SEED.

Loading...