Scold Maid

Privileged College coeds come home for Thanksgiving break and decide to have a “redneck” party and die when they drop a frozen turkey into a deep fryer.

[laughter]

- HOWDY, FOLKS, Y'ALL READYFOR A DOWN HOME

REDNECK THANKSGIVING?- OOH, YEAH!

narrator: WELL,YOU WON'T FIND IT HERE.

THIS IS JUST A BUNCHOF SPOILED BRATS PRETENDING.

IT WAS HEAD BRAT CANNON'S IDEA.

- REDNECK PARTY, BABY.

narrator: HE THOUGHTIT WOULD BE FUNNY

TO GOOF ON HIS COUSIN AMOS,VISITING FROM ALABAMA.

[cheers and applause]

- EVERYONE GIVEA BIG SMILE, EVERYBODY.

- OH, LOOK WHAT I FOUND.- THEY LOOK GOOD,

JUST LIKE MY TEETH, RIGHT?

narrator:THE ONLY THING, AMOS WAS ABOUT

TO GRADUATE LAW SCHOOLAT THE HEAD OF HIS CLASS.

AND CLASS WAS SOMETHING HIS RICHAND PAMPERED COUSIN CANNON

SEVERELY LACKED.

- EVERYBODY GET UP.LET'S DO SOME SQUARE DANCING!

- THE TERM "REDNECK,"AROUND 1823,

WAS USED SIMPLYAS AN OBSERVATION

OF HARD-WORKING PEOPLEIN THE RURAL SOUTH

WHO HAD SUNBURNSON THEIR NECK.

IN THE 1970s,THERE WAS A BIG CHANGE.

IT CAME TO MEAN SOMEONEWHO WAS PROBABLY RACIST,

PROBABLY NOT VERY CLEVER,

PROBABLY VERY CLOSED-MINDED.

narrator: THE CHEAP BOOZE LIQUORAND TWINKIE CASSEROLE

WERE JUST APPETIZERS.

- I ALMOST FORGOTTHE BEST PART.

narrator:IT WAS TIME FOR CANNON

TO BRING OUT THE PARTY'SMAIN COURSE--

DEEP-FRIED TURKEY.

- GONNA FRY US UPSOME FOOD, BABY!

[cheers and applause]

[sniffs]WHOO! WHOO-HOO!

[panicked shouts]

- AAH!

narrator:CANNON HAD NO IDEA

A FROZEN TURKEY COULD FLY.

- DROPPING A FROZEN TURKEYINTO 500 DEGREES OF OIL

TAKES THE WATER IN THE TURKEY,TURNS IT INTO STEAM INSTANTLY,

WHICH EXPANDS 1,700 TIMES.

THAT WOULD FORCETHE WATER MOISTURE

UNDERNEATH THE TURKEY,PRODUCING A CANNON,

THE TURKEY BEINGTHE CANNONBALL.

narrator: THE 14-POUNDROCK-HARD TURKEY

SHOT OUT OF THE DEEP FRYER

AND DROVE THE CARTILAGEIN HIS NOSE

DEEP INTO HIS BRAIN,

CAUSING INSTANTANEOUS DEATH.

CANNON'S REDNECK PARTY WASAN INSULTINGLY BAD JOKE.

AMOS TOOK ITIN GOOD HUMOR.

IN THE END, IT WAS CANNONWHO CRIED "FOWL."

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