Jersey Score

Two Jersey Shore wannabes sneak into a tanning salon to amp up their fake tans. Their love of spray tan leaves them both as orange corpses.

- WE'RE GONNA GET SUPER DRUNK,AND THEN SUPER TAN,

AND THEN HIT THE CLUBS.

- YOU NEED A TAN, YOU LOOK LIKECASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST,

HUH?- HEY, LOOK AT YOU.

- IMAGINE A LIFESTYLEBASED ENTIRELY ON CHEAP JEWELRY,

TEASED HAIR, AND A HEROICDEDICATION TO PARTYING.

- GUESS WHAT I GOT?- WHAT?

- BOOM!- NOW WE'RE TALKING!

- YEAH.- HA, HA!

SAY HELLO TO TWOOF NEW JERSEY'S FINEST:

- BOOM.- FREDO AND ALLY B.

- GUESS WHO'SGETTING LAID TONIGHT?

FREDO. ME.

- AS PART OF THEIR FRIDAY NIGHTGARDEN STATE RITUAL,

THEY MEET AT ALLY'S TANNINGSALON BEFORE HEADING OUT

FOR A NIGHT OF CASUAL,DRUNKEN SEX.

- GRAB THE DRINKS,LET'S GO.

- LET'S DO IT.- COME ON.

[dance music]

- ALLY B. GETS IT GOINGWITH A LITTLE SPRAY TAN.

- THIS IS GREAT AND ALL,BUT I NEED SOMETHING BETTER.

I NEED TO BE DARKER.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

I LIKE MY MEN A LOT DARKER.- I'LL BET YOU DO.

- TONIGHT, ALLY B.HAS A SPECIAL SURPRISE

FOR HER N.J.B.F.F.

- CHECK IT OUT,CHECK IT OUT.

LOOK, IT'S MY VERY OWNATOMIC TANNING BOOTH.

- WHOA.- TA-DAH!

- YOU'RE GONNA GET DARKERTHAN AN ESPRESSO. BEAN.

- LET'S DO IT.

- ALLY B.'S ATOMICTANNING BOOTH

IS ACTUALLY CLOSERTO AN AUTO BODY PAINT BOOTH.

- AW, IT FEELS GOOD.

- I'M DEFINITELYGETTING LAID TONIGHT.

- INSIDE THISOVERSIZED SPRAY CAN,

THEY GET BLASTED WITH A MISTOF THE CHEMICAL DHA,

DIHYDROXYACETONE.

- YEAH, GETTHE PITS, BABY.

- THIS REACTSWITH THE AMINO ACIDS

IN DEAD SKIN CELLS...- WHOO!

- PRODUCING THAT CLASSICJERSEY SHORE MAHOGANY TAN.

- THAT WAS AWESOME!

BUT, BABY, I NEEDSOMETHING DARKER.

- FREDO AND ALLY B. WANT TO TAKETHEIR TAN THE EXTRA MILE.

BUT FIRST...- I NEED CIGS.

GRAB MY SMOKES.- TIME FOR A CIGARETTE.

- GOT IT,I GOT IT.

- THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GOFROM ATOMIC

TO FULL-ONNUCLEAR MELTDOWN.

- IT'S NOT LIGHTING,IT'S NOT LIGHTING.

- COME ON, WHAT'STHE MATTER WITH YOU?

GET THIS THING GOING.

- THIS SUBSTANCE, WHILEBEING SPRAYED, WOULD IGNITE,

VERY SIMILAR TO AN AEROSOL CANOF HAIRSPRAY.

THEY NEEDED JUSTTHE SLIGHTEST SPARK,

WHICH CREATED A FIREBALL,

WHICH BURNEDTHEIR ENTIRE BODIES,

NOSE, THROAT, AND LUNGS,CAUSING DEATH.

- WE'RE GONNA GET SUPER DRUNK,AND THEN SUPER TAN,

AND THEN HIT THE CLUBS.

- IF IGNORANCE IS BLISS,

FREDO AND ALLY B.WERE THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE

ON THE PLANET.- WHOA!

- FEELS GOOD.

- I'M DEFINITELYGETTING LAID TONIGHT.

- WE COULD SAY MOREABOUT THEIR UNFORTUNATE DEMISE,

BUT ON SECOND THOUGHT,

FUGGEDABOUTIT.

[ominous music]

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