House Pest

  • Season 3
  • Aired 02/29/2012
  • 8,656 Views

A house sitter is chasing an obnoxious talking bird around the home she’s watching and falls two stories to her death.

[doorbell rings]

announcer: THE MESA FAMILYWAS GOING ON A TRIP,

AND THEY HIRED LINDSEYTO HOUSESIT.

THEY FOUND LINDSEY ONLINE.

SHE SEEMED DEPENDABLE.

- YOU HAVE NOTHINGTO WORRY ABOUT.

announcer: THEY HADONLY ONE REQUEST...

- ABSOLUTELY NO GUESTS.

- UNDERSTANDABLE.- OKAY?

announcer: BUT AS SOONAS THE COUPLE WERE HISTORY,

- SEE YA IN TWO WEEKS.

announcer:LINDSEY GOT BUSY.

- HEY, BABY. COME OVER.THEY JUST LEFT.

announcer: MINUTES LATER,SHE AND HER BOYFRIEND MIKE

WERE SOILING THE SHEETS.

BUT THEN...

- [squawks]

announcer: A VOICE.

- IT'S A QUESTION OF HONOR.

announcer: THE MESASHAD FORGOTTEN

TO TELL LINDSEYABOUT THEIR COCKATOO.

- ALL RIGHT,THAT'S JUST WEIRD.

- DO YOU NOT WANNAMAKE OUT WITH ME RIGHT NOW?

announcer:LINDSEY DIDN'T CARE.

announcer: SHE STILL WANTEDMIKE'S COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO.

- [squawks]GET ON HER, AND STAY ON HER!

- ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA GOGET A BEER. THIS IS AWKWARD.

- IT'S JUST A BIRD. I--

- THERE ARETHOUSANDS OF BIRDS.

ONLY SOME OF THESECAN ACTUALLY HAVE, UM--

MIMIC HUMAN SPEECH.

FOR EXAMPLE, THE ONES WE KNOWARE THE PARROTS.

THAT'S EVERYTHING FROM THEMACAWS DOWN TO THE COCKATIELS.

I THINK THERE'SONE BIRD THAT KNOWS--

I THINK IT'S 1,000 WORDSIN ITS VOCABULARY.

THAT'S A HUGE AMOUNT.

THAT'S MORE THAN THOSE HIGHSCHOOL KIDS IN SOME COUNTRIES.

announcer: LINDSEY THOUGHT ACRACKER MIGHT SHUT POLLY'S BEAK.

- AAH!

EFF YOU, BIRD!

I HATE YOU!

OH, NO! YOU BIRD!

announcer:LINDSEY WAS SCREWED

IF SHE DIDN'T GETTHE BIRD BACK IN ITS CAGE.

- COME HERE.

OH, YOU ARE SO ANNOYING.

announcer:SHE ALMOST GOT HIM.

BUT THEN THE PARROTTOOK WING.

- [squawks]

GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME,YOU DIRTY SKANK!

- AAH!

announcer:LINDSEY TOOK OFF.

- [screams]

- WHEN SHE FELLONTO THE GLASS TABLE,

CUTTING HER CAROTID ARTERY,

BLOOD WAS GOINGFROM HER HEART,

DIRECTLY THROUGHHER CAROTID ARTERY,

AND OUT ONTO THE GROUND.

BECAUSE OF THE ADRENALINERELEASED INTO HER BODY,

HER HEART RATEWAS ACCELERATED IMMENSELY,

SO THEREFORE,SHE LOST BLOOD EVEN FASTER

THAN SHE WOULD HAVENORMALLY.

announcer: LINDSEY LIEDTO GET INTO PEOPLE'S HOUSES.

- YOU HAVE NOTHINGTO WORRY ABOUT.

OH!

announcer: BUT AFTER SHE LOSTTHE HOMEOWNERS' COCKATOO...

- AAH!

announcer: FATE STEPPED IN...- [screams]

announcer:AND FLIPPED HER THE BIRD.

- [squawks]YOU'RE DEAD.

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