Ouch Potato

  • Season 3
  • Aired 03/30/2011
  • 59,651 Views

A family man ditches his family for the bachelor life, but while building his ultimate man-cave, he makes the fatal mistake of buying a seat from an old F-16 fighter... with the ejector rockets still live.

WE GET A LOT OF LOSERSON THIS SHOW.

- WHOO!

announcer: BUT A GUYWHO TURNS HIS BACK

ON HIS OWN FAMILY,

I'D LIKE TO KILL HIM MYSELF.

- TELL ME YOU'RE GONNAPUT THAT UP.

- RIGHT HERE?- RIGHT UP AGAINST THE DOOR.

announcer: MITCH LEFTHIS WIFE AND KIDS

IN ORDER TO FIND HIMSELF.

- ♪ WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA

announcer:AND NOW HE CAN BE FOUND

JUST GETTING DRUNK AND WASTEDWITH HIS DUMB, FAT FRIEND JOCKO.

- [singing]

[cell phone ringing]

- IT'S SOFIE'S RECITAL, AND YOUKNOW HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO HER.

announcer:BUT IT MEANT NOTHING

TO THIS SELFISH BAGOF PIG EXCREMENT.

- I HAVE TO WORKTHE WHOLE WEEKEND, ALL RIGHT?

DEAL WITH IT.

announcer: THE ONLY THINGMITCH CARED ABOUT

WAS SETTING UPHIS NEW GUY PAD.

- AW!

announcer: MITCH WAS STOKED.

HE FOUND THE ONE PIECEOF FURNITURE

THAT TIED THE WHOLE ROOMTOGETHER.

- WHAT'S THAT THING?

announcer: A PILOT SEAT FROMAN OLD SOVIET FIGHTER JET.

- ARE YOU SERIOUS?- IT'S THE REAL THING, BRO.

- [laughs]

announcer: MITCH PLOPPED DOWNIN HIS TOP GUN LOUNGE CHAIR

FOR A TEST DRIVE.

- DUDE, WHAT'S THAT THING THEREBETWEEN YOUR LEGS?

announcer: RULE OF THUMB.

WHENEVER SOMEONE ASKS,"WHAT DOES THIS LEVER DO?"

NEVER EVER PULL IT.

[boom]

- DUDE! MITCHELL!

announcer: TURNS OUTTHE FIGHTER JET SEAT

WAS NOT ONLY AUTHENTIC,IT WAS HOT,

AS IN READY TO LAUNCH.

- MITCH!

- EJECTOR SEATS ARE A LOT EASIERTO GET THAN YOU THINK.

THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BEDEMILITARIZED,

WHICH MEANS THEY TAKE THEROCKETS OUT AND MAKE THEM INERT,

BUT A LOT OF 'EM,PEOPLE GET LAZY

AND DON'T TAKETHE ROCKETS OUT,

AND SURPLUS STORESSOMETIMES SELL LIVE SEATS.

I MADE THREE PHONE CALLSAND FOUND THREE SEATS

IN LESS THAN AN HOURTHAT WERE LIVE.

[boom]

- DUDE! MITCH!

- EJECTOR SEATSWERE DESIGNED

TO GET YOU OUT OF AN AIRPLANEAS FAST AS POSSIBLE.

YOU PULL A MECHANISMTHAT HAS A TIMER ON IT.

THE FIRST TIMERBLOWS YOUR COCKPIT OFF.

YOU HAVE HALF A SECOND.

THEN IT STARTSFIRING THE ROCKETS,

WHICH SHOOT YOU UPA SET OF RAILS

AND OUT OF THE AIRCRAFT.

YOU CAN GO 200 FEET HIGHIN A COUPLE SECONDS.

announcer: MITCH ONLYMADE IT ABOUT TEN.

HIS SKULL CRACKEDLIKE AN EGG,

HIS BRAINS SCRAMBLED.

THERE'S A WORD FOR GUYSWHO ABANDON THEIR FAMILIES.

- I HAVE TO WORK THE WHOLEWEEKEND, ALL RIGHT?

DEAL WITH IT.

announcer: DEADBEAT.

BUT THERE'S A SIMPLER,

EVEN BETTER ONE FOR MITCH.

[boom]

DEAD.

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