Surfin' Turd

  • Season 3
  • Aired 12/30/2010
  • 4,624 Views

A war vet encounters an inconsiderate surfer illegally parked in a handicapped spot, who gets smashed in the neck by his own surfboard when he peels out of the beach parking lot.

THE BEACH ISA GREAT PLACE TO RELAX.

BUT PARKING'S A BITCH.

UNLESS YOU'RE HANK.

- WHAT'S UP, LADIES?

announcer:THE PERFECTLY HEALTHY SLACKER

HAD NO PROBLEMUSING HANDICAPPED SPOTS.

PAT HAD LOST HIS LEG IN 'NAM.

BUT THE ONLY THING HE FELTHIS COUNTRY OWED HIM

WAS A PLACE TO PARK.

- HEY, MAN, WHAT'S THE DEAL?

- YOU TALKING TO ME?- YOU DON'T HAVE A HANDICAP.

YOU DON'T NEED TO PARK THERE.- HOP BACK TO YOUR CAR.

- THESE PEOPLE WHODON'T HAVE A HANDICAP PLACARD

PARKING INTHESE DISABLED SPOTS...

OH, MY GOD.I GO CRAZY.

WHENEVER I SEE SOMEONE WHO'SPARKED IN THE HANDICAPPED SPOT,

I WAIT UNTIL THEY GO INSIDE,

AND THEN I WRITE A NICELITTLE NOTE ON THEIR CAR...

WITH MY KEY.

announcer:HANK WASN'T JUST A JERK.

HE WAS A COWARD.

INSTEAD OF CONFRONTINGPAT FACE-TO-FACE,

HE PEELED OUT.

[tires squealing]

[thud, crunch]

[horn honking]OH.

BUMMER, DUDE.

THE 12-FOOT BOARDPIVOTED SIDEWAYS

FROM THE QUICK ACCELERATION.

THE TAIL CAUGHTTHE HANDICAPPED SIGN,

AND FORCEDTHE FRONT OF THE BOARD

INTO THE BACK OFHANK'S HEAD.

[horn honking]

- THE SURFBOARDHIT THIS GENTLEMAN'S HEAD

IN JUST THE RIGHT SPOTAND IT SEVERED

HIS SPINAL COLUMNFROM HIS BRAIN STEM.

THE BODY CANNOT RECEIVEANY SIGNALS TO OPERATE

SO THESE ORGANSJUST BASICALLY STOP.

THIS CAUSED DEATHWITHIN SECONDS.

announcer:THIS SURFER PUNK

WOULD RUN OVER HIS GRANDDADFOR A PARKING SPOT.

- HOP BACK TO YOUR CAR.

announcer: BUT NOWINSTEAD OF HANGING TEN...

[tires squealing]

[thud, crunch]

HE'S DEEP SIXED.[horn honking]

WELCOME TO HELL, HANK.

YOU CAN PARK HEREAS LONG AS YOU LIKE.

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