Wedding Crasher

A spurned lover streaks at his ex-girlfriend’s wedding and dies when he crashes through a glass door

- WE ARE GATHERED HEREON THIS GLORIOUS DAY

IN THE SIGHT OF GOD...

narrator:IT'S CARLA'S BIG DAY.

SHE'S FINALLY TYING THE KNOT.

JAMES MIGHT BEA LITTLE LONG IN TOOTH,

BUT HE'S RICH.

EVERYONE AGREESIT'S A PERFECT MATCH,

EXCEPT FOR CARLA'S EX,PERRY.

HE THOUGHT HE'D BE THE ONEUP ON THE ALTAR.

SO HE SHOWED UPUNINVITED AND DRUNK.

- AS MAN AND WIFEFOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES?

both: YES.- THAT BITCH.

- MARK AND CARLA...

narrator:USUALLY THE FOLLOWING QUESTION

GOES UNANSWERED.

- IF ANYONE OBJECTSTO THIS MARRIAGE,

LET HIM SPEAK NOWOR FOREVER HOLD HIS PEACE.

- CARLA!

narrator:NOT FOR PERRY.

- DON'T DO THIS.I'M SERIOUS!

YOU WANT THAT OLD THINGOVER THIS?

YOU KNOWWHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

[people screaming]

REALLY?SERIOUSLY, CARLA!

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?WHY?

narrator: CARLA CHOSEJAMES' BIG WAD OF CASH...

- OH, MY GOD.OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD.

narrator:OVER PERRY'S BIG WAD.

- [mouths word]

- PERRY, PLEASE DON'T DO THIS.- NO. PERRY, NOTHING!

YOU TELL ME RIGHT NOW.

YOU REALLY WANT THIS OLD THINGOVER THIS?

- YOUNG MAN,THIS IS A HOUSE OF WORSHIP!

- YEAH? WORSHIP THIS, PADRE!

[people gasping]

- GET HIM! GET HIM!GET THAT MAN!

narrator: PERRY MAKES FOR WHATHE THINKS IS AN OPEN DOORWAY...

[people screaming]

- OH, MY GOD!OH, MY GOD!

narrator:AND HIS ASS IS GLASS.

- OH, MY GOD, PERRY.WHAT DID YOU DO?

- AS THE NAKED GENTLEMANSMASHED THROUGH THE GLASS WINDOW

IN THE CHURCH,

THE SHARDS OF GLASS RIPPEDTHROUGH HIS AXILLARY ARTERY,

CAUSING MASSIVE BLEEDING.

HE WAS LOSING BLOODAT THE RATE

OF TWO TO THREE LITERSPER MINUTE,

WHICH WOULD HAVE KILLED HIMWITHIN A FEW MINUTES.

- MY DEAR FRIENDS...

narrator: CARLA CHOSESTABILITY AND MONEY

OVER HER HOTHEADED EX.

- CARLA!

narrator:PERRY DECIDED TO SHOW EVERYONE

EXACTLY WHAT SHEWOULD BE MISSING.

- GET HIM!

narrator:CARLA SAID, "I DO."

AND THEN PERRY SAID,

"I'M DONE."

- MAY ALMIGHTY GODHAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL.

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