Tattoo Artist Distracted By Girlfriend's 'Assets'

  • Season 2
  • Aired 03/24/2014
  • 2,714 Views

This distressed man with a terrible tattoo tells the harrowing tale of how he received an awful tattoo. For all of you would-be tattoo canvases out there: It's never a good idea to bring your attractive significant other to the tattoo shop.

HOW DID YOU GET THIS?- JASMINE.

- WHAT'S GOING DOWN?- I TOLD MY GIRLFRIEND,

"I'M GOING TO GOGET ANOTHER TATTOO."

- ISN'T THERE ANYTHING I CAN SAYTO TALK YOU OUT OF IT?

- YOU CANNOT CHANGE MY MIND.

YOUR WORDS JUST GO BING-BING,BONG-BONG.

- I JUMP IN THE CARAND CRUISE DOWN TO THE SHOP.

THE OWNER'S THERE,HE'S THE ONLY ONE IN THERE,

KICKED BACK LIKE HE'S AT HOMEIN A LA-Z-BOY.

- I'M GETTINGA THIRD TATTOO TODAY.

NO ONE CAN TALK ME OUT OF IT,NOT EVEN HER.

I WANT A WOLF HEAD.

- I'LL GIVE YOU THE WOLF HEAD.

- ABOUT 10 OR 15 MINUTESINTO THE TATTOO,

MY GIRLFRIEND,AS SHE'S WALKING OUT,

I FEEL THIS HUGE WEIGHT,

I FEEL MY SKIN RIP...- OH!

- I'M LIKE, "SON OF A BITCH!"- REALLY?

- I ASKED HIM, I SAID, "WHATTHE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU?"

HE'S TALKING TO HER.

- WHAT, DO YOU, LIKE,WORK OUT A LOT?

OH, SQUAT!

YEAH.

- FOCUS ON WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

- OH, I AM.- NOT WHAT I MEANT.

- I SAID, "MAN,THIS [bleep] GOT TO STOP.

YOU NEED TO PAY ATTENTIONTO MY BACK, NOT MY OLD LADY."

45 MINUTES LATER,I MEAN, HE'S DONE.

- DUDE, WHAT THE [bleep]IS THIS ON MY BACK?

- THAT'S WHEN I JUST ABOUTBLEW A GASKET.

I LOOKED AT IT, MY GIRLFRIENDSTEPS IN BETWEEN US.

- I'LL SMACK THOSE STUPIDSUNGLASSES OFF YOUR FACE!

- CALM DOWN!- WHOA.

- HE HEADS OFF,RUNS INTO THE BACK ROOM,

LOCKS IT, MY GIRLFRIENDGRABS A HOLD OF ME ...

- I GUESS THAT'S KIND OF GOODTHAT HE DIDN'T FIX IT,

BECAUSE I DON'T THINKHE PROBABLY COULD HAVE ANYWAYS.

- NO. CAN YOU IMAGINEWHAT THE HELL

THAT WOULD LOOK LIKEIF HE TOUCHED IT AGAIN?

- EXACTLY, AND HOPEFULLY,WHEN I'M FINISHED

WITH THIS THING,YOU WILL NEVER, EVER

HAVE TO SEEWHAT'S UNDERNEATH IT.

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