Stoner Tattoos Won't Impress Your Boss

  • Season 3
  • Aired 04/08/2014
  • 3,874 Views

When a young man gets a "smokey" tattoo in order to impress his wife's father, he doesn't take into account the negative effects it would have in his workplace.

SO HOW IN THE WORLDDID YOU END UP

WITH THIS HEART BONGON YOUR BACK?

- WELL, MY WIFEAND I GET MARRIED.

SHE'S A BIG-TIMEDADDY'S GIRL,

AND THAT WAS ONEOF HER THINGS.

I HAD TO GET IN GOODWITH HER DAD.

OTHERWISEIT WASN'T GONNA WORK.

I WOULD SIT IN THAT HOUSEFOR HOURS,

AND HE WOULD JUSTSTARE AT THE TV.

HE WOULDN'T SPEAK TO ME.

- HE WOULDN'T SAY A WORD?- NOTHING.

WELL, ONE DAY,HE NEEDED A FREEZER MOVED

FROM UP IN THE BASEMENT.

- OH, SO HE NEEDS A FAVOR.

- WE GOT DONEMOVING THE FREEZER...

- LIFT WITH YOUR LEGS, SON,NOT WITH YOUR LABIA.

- NO, IT'S OKAY.I'M FINE.

- MAN HANDS ME A JOINT.

YOU HEARD THE HEAVENSOPEN UP.

[ethereal music]

- FINALLY,WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!

[laughing]

- I FELL IN LOVEWITH MY WIFE,

NOW I FELL IN LOVEWITH HER DAD.

WE WOULD TALK ABOUT LIFE.

WE'D TALK ABOUT SPORTS.- [coughing]

- [laughing]

- IF WE MIX CHOCOLATEWITH CARAMEL AND RICE,

WE GOT SOMETHING NEW HERE.

CHOCOLATE "CRACK-A-MY" RICE.

- HE LOOKS AT ME AND GOES,"HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I GOT A TATTOO MACHINE."

- SO YOU FEEL LIKE GETTINGA TATTOO, SON?

- I WANT A TATTOO.

[gasps]I HAVE AN IDEA.

- I LOVE MY WIFE.

I LOVE POT.

- [laughing]- IT JUST MAKES SENSE.

- YEAH, YOU PUTTHE TWO TOGETHER, AND YOU GET--

- A HEART BONG.- THERE YOU GO.

I GET HOME TO SHOW MY WIFE.

- HONEY, HONEY, I JUST HADTHE BEST BONDING EXPERIENCE

WITH YOUR DAD.

- I WAS LIKE, "WE GOT HIGH,

AND HE GAVE ME A TATTOO."

- YOU ARE AN IDIOT!

- WHA--- "WHAT ABOUT YOUR JOB?

"EVERYONE IS GONNASIT THERE AND GO,

'YOU HAVE A BONGON YOUR BACK.'"

I'M LIKE, "HUH?"

- [laughing]

- A COUPLE WEEKS LATER,

ONE OF MY COWORKERS SEES ITIN THE LOCKER ROOM.

COMPANY PUTS MEINTO A, LIKE,

COMPANY-SPONSOREDDRUG PROGRAM.

- OH, NO.

- IT'S JUST A TATTOO--

[groans]

- YOU KNOW, AND IT--IT HIT ME.

I WAS NOWTHE POTHEAD OF WORK.

- THAT IS NOT COOL.

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