Rafted

  • Season 3
  • Aired 07/18/2011
  • 11,648 Views

A tan-obsessed guido blows up when he fills his inflatable raft with flammable tire sealant and then lights up a cigarette.

BEFORE WE START,

DOES EVERYONE KNOWWHAT A JABRONI IS?

- NOBODY GOT NOTHING ON YOU.

- IT'S SOMEONEWITH A BIG MOUTH

WHO MAKES ANYONE WHO MEETS HIM

WANT TO LOSE THEIR FOOTDEEP UP HIS ASS.

- OH, YEAH, BABY.

- MEET SAL.

SAL WAS OBSESSEDWITH HIS BODY.

EVEN HADALL THE HAIR REMOVED.

- THAT'S THE MONEY, BABY.THAT'S THE MONEY.

- WHEN HE WASN'T PUMPING UP...

- WHERE'S MY BEER?

- HE WAS CUTTING DOWN...HIS GIRLFRIEND MANDY.

- YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL.

- WHERE'S THE STRAW AT?

- MANDY WAS LIVING PROOFTO THE THEORY

THE BIGGER THE FAKE BOOBS,THE SMALLER THE I.Q.

- WHAT,YOU GIVING ME ATTITUDE NOW?

- I'M NOT GIVING YOUAN ATTITUDE, SAL.

- IT'S THE ONLY THINGTHAT EXPLAINS

WHY SHE DIDN'T TAKE A BAT

AND CLUB HIMLIKE A BABY SEAL.

- NICE, EVEN COAT.

- HE HIT ON HER GIRLFRIENDS.

- HOW YOU DOING, SWEETHEART?

- GOOD.

- AND TREATED HER LIKE A DOG.

- YOU SEE THAT FLOATBEHIND YOU?

BLOW IT UP FOR ME.

I WANT TO TAKE A DIPIN THIS POOL.

- THE BEST WAY TO DEALWITH A JABRONI...

- IT'S NOT WORKING, SAL...

- GIVE IT HERE.I GOT AN IDEA.

- SIT BACK AND WATCH HIMSCREW HIS OWN POOCH.

- FINE.

- TIRE SEALANTTO BLOW UP A RAFT?

- THAT'S HOW WE DO IT.

- WHY NOT?

- WHAT CAN I SAY?I'M A FRICKIN' GENIUS.

[women scream]

- OH. THAT'S WHY.

- HE'S SITTINGIN THIS INFLATABLE TOY,

WHICH HAPPENS TO BE LINEDWITH A SEALANT,

A CHEMICAL THAT ACTUALLYIS VERY COMBUSTIBLE.

IT IGNITEDAND IT EXPLODED.

THE EXPLOSIVE FORCE ACTUALLYCAUSES DAMAGE TO THE BRAIN,

AS IF HE'D BEEN HIT UPSIDETHE HEAD WITH A BASEBALL BAT.

THIS WILL ACTUALLYCAUSE BLEEDING

AND IN MANY WAYS PULVERIZE

AND CAUSE A HUGEHEMATOMA IN THE BRAIN,

DISRUPTINGTHE BRAIN'S FUNCTION,

'CAUSING HIMTO STOP BREATHING AND DIE.

- YOU GIVING ME ATTITUDE NOW?

- SAL WAS CRUDE...

- NICE, EVEN COAT.

- CRUEL...

- WHERE'S MY BEER?

- AND BRAINLESS.

- GIVE IT HERE.

- HIS MORONIC DEATHWAS HARDLY TRAGIC.

- WHAT CAN I SAY?I'M A FRICKIN' GENIUS.

- IT WAS FORTUNATE.FOR THE REST OF US.

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