Haunted Hoax

Season 4

A pair of wannabe ghost hunters is trespassing on private property when they get spooked and one of them is eviscerated by a length of fence attached by a chain to their truck.

[thunder booming]

narrator: THERE'S BEEN A LOTOF GHOST HUNTING SHOWS ON TV.

BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS ONE.

- I'M CHESTER.- AND I'M LESTER.

both:WE'RE THE GHOST MOLESTERS.

[woman screams]

narrator:IN A CROWDED FIELD,

CHESTER AND LESTERTHINK THEY'VE FOUND

THE WHOLE NEW ANGLE:SUPERNATURAL SEX.

- SO WE'RE AT THE RODELLA HOUSE,WHAT USED TO BE A BROTHEL.

- YEAH, THIS PLACE IS FULLOF DIRTY, SLUTTY GHOSTS.

- AND WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SEXWITH THEM.

LET'S DO THIS.

narrator:THE BROTHEL HOUSE

IS WELL KNOWNIN THE GHOST HUNTER WORLD.

IT'S BEEN BROKEN INTODOZENS OF TIMES BEFORE.

- WHAT'S IN HERE?

narrator:THEY SEARCH ROOM TO ROOM

LOOKING FOR PARANORMAL NOOKY.

- CHESTER, CHESTER!- [gasps] WHAT?

- YOU SEE THAT?

- OH, MY GOD.IT'S REACTING TO YOUR SCOPE.

- I KNOW. IT'S--- HOLD ON.

DUDE, THAT'S DEFINITELYGHOST SEMEN.

[eerie groan]

OH, MY GOSH!WHAT WAS THAT?

- I THINKIT WAS A SEX-TERGEIST.

- A SEXUAL POLTERGEIST?- YES.

- THERE'S A BED!THERE'S A BED!

I'M GONNA LIE DOWN.

I'M GONNA TRY TO HAVE SEX

WITH ONE OF THESE SEXY,SLUTTY GHOSTS.

- OH, MY GOD.

- HEY, LESTER.- YES, CHESTER?

- I'M GONNA NEEDSOME PRIVACY HERE.

- ALL RIGHT, MAN.

- WHORE GHOSTS.

WHORE GHOSTS.

- [screaming]

- LESTER, I'M COMING!

LESTER!- OH, MY GOD!

- LESTER?

WHERE ARE YOU?LESTER.

WHAT IS IT?

- I JUST FELT GHOST PUBESRUB AGAINST MY FACE.

- GHOST PUBES?- HAIRY ONES.

- THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

DUDE,

THAT'S A STAIRWAY.

THIS COULD LEAD USTO THE MAIN GHOST SEX CHAMBER.

- THE WHORE-NOMETERIS OFF THE RADAR.

OH, MY GOD.ARE YOU SEEING THIS?

CHESTER?

OH, MY GOD.

[both screaming]

narrator:INSTEAD OF A GHOST,

THEY FOUND THE OWNEROF THE EMPTY HOUSE.

- [screaming]

narrator: AND HE WAS TIREDOF ALL THIS PARANORMAL ACTIVITY.

- THEY WON'T BE BACK.

[laughs wickedly]

- [screaming]

narrator: CHESTER MAKESA BEELINE FOR THE CAR.

LESTER SHOOTS DOWN THE LADDER,

LEAVING THEIR BREAK-IN TOOLSBEHIND,

EXCEPT FOR THE WRENCH.

[wrench clatters]

WITH THESE TWO, GHOST HUNTINGIS A FULL-CONTACT SPORT.

- THE RIB CAGEAND THE SURROUNDING TISSUE

IS NO MATCH FOR THE WEIGHTOF THAT VEHICLE.

THE FORCE OF THE COMPRESSIONACTUALLY CRUSHED HIS SPINE,

EXPLODED HIS HEART,RUPTURED HIS LUNGS,

AND HE DIED INSTANTLY.

narrator:CHESTER AND LESTER

WENT LOOKINGFOR THE ULTIMATE GHOSTGASM.

- THAT SOUNDS LIKEA SUPER HUGE WHORE.

DIBS, DUDE.

narrator:BUT THEN THEY GOT SPOOKED.

[both screaming]

[wrench clatters]

narrator:NOW CHESTER'S

LESS ONE LESTER.

- NO!

LESTER!

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