Peter Pork-Her

A cheating boyfriend is bitten by the Brazilian Wandering Spider, resulting in priapism (a never-ending erection) and subsequent death.

announcer: PETER WAS ABOUTTO HAVE THE DAY OF HIS LIFE.

THE ONLY PROBLEM,

IT WOULD END WITH THE ENDOF HIS LIFE.

- HEY, BABY.

announcer: IT STARTED OFFWITH HIS LONG-TIME GIRLFRIEND,

BRIANNA.

- THANK YOU.

announcer:SHE WAS THE NURTURING TYPE.

- YOU'RE SO SWEET.- I KNOW.

announcer: SHE WOULD FILLHIS FRIDGE

AND THEN PETER WOULD FILLBRIANNA.

AFTER BRIANNA,HE GOT A BIG SURPRISE.

- HEY, YOU STILL THERE,BIG GUY?

announcer: PETER'S PETERWAS STILL STIFF

AS A PARKING METER.

WHAT BRIANNA DIDN'T KNOW,PETE WAS A DIRTY DOG CHEATER.

HE BROUGHT IN HIS BACKUP BABES.

- MM. LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE READYFOR ME.

- OH, YEAH.

announcer: FIRST LUKASHA,THEN DESIREE.

LITTLE PETER WAS DOING FINE,BUT BIG PETE WAS NOT.

FINALLY, AFTER A COUPLEOF MORE THRUSTS,

THE STUD WENT THUD.

AFTER CLOSE EXAMINATION,

OUR 1000 WAYS INVESTIGATORSPIECED TOGETHER

PETER'S DEATH PUZZLE.

EARLIER IN THE DAY,

PETER WAS UNPACKING BRIANNA'SGROCERIES.

- AH! AH!- WHAT HAPPENED?

- WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

announcer: THAT WAS A NASTYLITTLE CREATURE

CALLED A WANDERING SPIDER.

- THE WANDERING SPIDERIS FOUND

THROUGHOUT SOUTH AMERICAAND CENTRAL AMERICA.

OCCASIONALLY IT WANDERSINTO BANANAS

AND THOSE BANANAS GET SHIPPEDTO THE UNITED STATES.

- AH! AH!- WHAT HAPPENED?

announcer: THE WANDERINGSPIDER'S VENOM WILL KILL A HUMAN

IN ANYWHERE FROM 2-12 HOURS.

- THE NEUROTOXIN OF THE SPIDER,WHICH IS IN THE VENOM

STARTED SPREADING REALLY FAST.

AS A RESULT,

THIS NEUROTOXIN WAS ABLETO GET TO CRITICAL ORGANS

QUITE QUICKLY.

AND, ULTIMATELY,PETER'S BODY SHUT DOWN.

AND HE DIED OF COMPLETEHEMODYNAMIC

AND CARDIOVASCULAR COLLAPSE.

announcer: BUT THE WANDERINGSPIDER GIVES A GIFT

BEFORE IT TAKES A LIFE.

A ROCK-HARD,PERMANENT ERECTION.

ITS TOXIC VENOMRELEASES NITRIC OXIDE,

WHICH CAUSES ARTERIESAND VEINS TO DILATE,

SENDING A RUSH OF BONER BLOODTO THE PENIS.

- YOU'RE AWESOME.- YEAH.

announcer: PETE WAS A CHEATWHO THOUGHT IT WAS NEAT

TO BANG THREE GIRLSIN ONE DAY.

ALONG CAME A SPIDER.- AH!

announcer:AND WHILE HE WAS INSIDE HER,

A HEART ATTACKBLEW PETER AWAY.

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