Green Grosser

  • Season 3
  • Aired 02/08/2012
  • 15,197 Views

A self-righteous woman obsessed with couponing is strangled when her scarf tangles in the checkout conveye.

SOME PEOPLE THINKTHE WHOLE WORLD

IS THEREFOR THEM TO ABUSE.

- EXCUSE ME,WHERE'S YOUR MANAGER?

- UH.- GEEZ.

announcer: MEET LINDY.

A SIMPLE TRIPTO A GROCERY STORE

BECOMES AN EXERCISEIN ANGER MISMANAGEMENT.

- MA'AM, THESE ITEMS HAVEOBVIOUSLY BEEN USED.

- ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?

- WELL, I--

announcer: LINDY WOULD HITAND RUN...

- JESUS!MOVE.

announcer: SHOPLIFT...- AH.

PRICE?

FREE.

announcer: AND SCARF DOWNA FREE MEAL.

- 1/2 A POUND OF HAM.

announcer: ALL AS IF THE WORLDOWED IT TO HER.

- I DON'T WANT IT.IT SMELLS BAD.

announcer: MAYBE ITWAS BECAUSE

AS THE ONLY CHILDOF CHINESE IMMIGRANTS,

LINDY WAS INCREDIBLY SPOILED.

IT'S CALLEDTHE LITTLE EMPEROR SYNDROME.

AND IN LINDY'S CASE,

IT WAS A BEHAVIORALTIME BOMB.

- EXCUSE ME.MA'AM?

- PICK ANOTHER AISLE.

announcer: ON THIS DAY,THINGS CAME TO AN UGLY HEAD

WHEN THE LITTLE EMPRESSHIT THE CHECKOUT AISLE.

LINDY'S BEHAVIOR BOMBHAD A HAIRPIN TRIGGER.

- THIS IS NOT EVENFOR OUR STORE.

announcer: ALL YOU HAD TO DO...- CHECK HERE.

- THE THING IS WE ACTUALLYDON'T EVEN TAKE CHECKS.

- CALL THE MANAGER,RIGHT NOW!

announcer: WAS SAY...

- WE DON'T TAKE CHECKS.announcer: "NO."

- OH MY GOD!

announcer: HOUSTON,WE HAVE LIFTOFF.

- [screaming]

announcer: AS USUAL,LINDY FINALLY GOT HER WAY.

- WE'LL TAKE YOUR CHECK.WE'LL TAKE YOUR CHECK.

- OH, I NEED A PEN!

announcer: BUT THEN,HER STOLEN SCARF

FOUND ITS WAY UNDERTHE REVOLVING CHECKOUT COUNTER.

- [screams]

- OH, MY GOD!

[screams]HELP!

- CALL 911 RIGHT NOW.

- SOMEBODY, HELP!

- WHEN THIS LADY'S SCARF GOTCAUGHT IN THE CONVEYOR BELT,

SHE CAUSEDA LIGATURE STRANGULATION.

NOW, THIS STRANGULATIONAND COMPLETE OCCLUSION

OF THE CAROTIDAND JUGULAR VESSELS

CAUSED HER TO BECOMEUNCONSCIOUS

WITHIN 5 TO 15 SECONDS.

DEATH WOULD HAVE ENSUED

WITHIN A COUPLE OF MINUTESAFTER THAT.

announcer: LINDY BARRELEDHER WAY THROUGH LIFE

AS IF THE WORLDOWED HER A FAVOR.

BUT THEN THE GODS OF KARMADID US A FAVOR...

- CAN I GO ON MY BREAK,DUDE?

announcer: BY REMOVING HERFROM THIS WORLD.

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