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Sudden Death

A prison inmate blows an escape attempt; a sexiled roommate gets revenge; dumb terrorists melt down.

male announcer:HERE'S ONE FOR YOU.

- DID YOU GET THE STUFF?

announcer: WHAT DO YOUGET WHEN YOU TAKE A ROCKER

WHO BLOWS A CASKET...

A FAILED PRISON ESCAPE...

A ROOMMATEWHO GETS BUNKERED...

A "MANCER" WHO CAN'T BREATHE...

A COUPLE OF KOOKSBUILDING NUKES...

A MEDIEVAL LUGWHO GETS THE SQUEEZE...

AND A CONSTRUCTION WORKERBENT ON DESTRUCTION?

- AAH!

announcer:YOU GET THE NEXT EPISODE

OF 1,000 WAYS TO DIE.

DEATH IS EVERYWHERE.

MOST OF US TRY TO AVOID IT.

OTHERS CAN'T GET OUTOF ITS WAY.

EVERY DAY,WE FIGHT A NEW WAR

AGAINST GERMS, TOXINS,

INJURY, ILLNESS,

AND CATASTROPHE.

THERE'S A LOT OF WAYSTO WIND UP DEAD.

THE FACT THAT WE SURVIVEAT ALL IS A MIRACLE.

BECAUSE EVERY DAY WE LIVE,

WE FACE 1,000 WAYS TO DIE.

FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS,

THE NIPS HAVE RULEDTHE JAPANESE ROCK WORLD.

A COMBINATION OF MUSICIANSHIPAND THEATRICS

HAVE KEPT THEM ON TOP.

BUT LATELY,EGO AND JEALOUSY

HAVE BEEN TEARING THEM APART.

WHAT WAS ONCEHEALTHY COMPETITIVENESS

HAS DETERIORATEDTO FLAT-OUT HATRED.

THE PROBLEMWAS THE CONSTANT TENSION

BETWEEN TINAKA,THE LEAD SINGER,

AND BASHO,THE LEAD GUITAR PLAYER.

- IN-BAND FIGHTINGIS ACTUALLY A FUNNY THING,

BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS SEE IT.

IT'S USUALLY A CASE WHERE,

YOU KNOW,YOU'VE GOT YOUR FRONT MAN,

AND THEN YOU'VE GOT,YOU KNOW,

SOME OTHER GUY IN THE BAND

THAT ALSO WANTSTO BE A FRONT MAN.

AND THEN THESE TWO GUYS

WOULD REALLY FIGHTFOR THAT CREATIVE CONTROL

AND FIGHT FOR THE FAME.

announcer: TODAY'S FIGHTWAS ABOUT TINAKA'S NEW PROP--

A COFFIN.

IT WOULD MAKEFOR A KILLER ENTRANCE...

FOR TINAKA.

BASHO WASN'T BUYING IT.

[speaking Japanese]

AS ALWAYS,TINAKA GOT HIS WAY.

THE NIPS' HOT STAGE HANDS

WHEELED OUT THE COFFINWITH TINAKA INSIDE,

READY TO RISE FROM THE DEAD.

BUT BASHO SAW A CHANCETO STEAL THE SPOTLIGHT,

AND LAUNCHEDINTO THE LONGEST GUITAR SOLO

IN JAPANESE ROCK HISTORY.

- [coughing]

- TRAPPED INSIDE THE COFFIN,

TINAKA WAS HEADING FOR A FINALE

HE DID NOT SEE COMING.

BEFORE HE JUMPED IN,

TINAKA DECIDEDTO UP THE THEATRICS

BY FILLING THE COFFINWITH SMOKE

FROM DRY ICE CONTAINERS.

BAD IDEA.

DRY ICE GIVES OFFCARBON DIOXIDE.

IN THE CRAMPED QUARTERSOF THE COFFIN,

TINAKA WAS RAPIDLYRUNNING OUT OF OXYGEN.

WITHIN A MINUTE, HE WAS GASPINGFOR AIR AND SUFFOCATING.

- WITHOUT THE PRESENCEOF OXYGEN,

IN A PURELYCARBON DIOXIDE ENVIRONMENT,

THE INDIVIDUAL WOULD BE UNABLETO OBTAIN OXYGEN

FOR NORMAL BODY FUNCTION.

THIS LACK OF OXYGEN WOULDSHUT DOWN THE BODY'S ORGANS,

AND THEY WOULD DIE.

- [screams]

announcer: AFTER ATHREE-MINUTE-LONG SOLO,

THERE WAS NO MORE OXYGEN

AND NO MORE TINAKA.

TINAKA WANTEDTO MAKE A BIG ENTRANCE.

INSTEAD,HE MADE AN EXIT...

TO DIE FOR.

SAYONARA, TINAKA-SAN.

IF YOU STROLLED DOWNCELL BLOCK "D"

OF THIS NOTORIOUS PRISONIN THE 1930s,

YOU WOULD PASSTHE TEMPORARY HOME

OF FLOYD O'MALLEY,

A LOW-LEVEL CHICAGO HIT MAN.

- MICKEY.

announcer: FLOYD KNEW HIS WAYAROUND A DECK OF CARDS.

- YEAH?

- DID YOU GET THE STUFF?

- YOU DIDN'T GET 'EM FROM ME.

announcer: BUT HE WASN'TTHINKING ABOUT POKER.

FLOYD KNEW THAT PLAYING CARDS

WERE COATED WITHNITROCELLULOSE,

A REACTIVE PLASTIC THAT,WHEN MIXED WITH WATER,

PRODUCES THE HIGHLY VOLATILENITRIC ACID.

IN OTHER WORDS, HE COULD TURNA SIMPLE DECK OF CARDS

INTO A BOMB.

HE TOOK A HOLLOW BED LEG,

STUFFED IT FULLOF TORN UP CARDS,

AND FILLED IT WITH WATER.

THE HOMEMADE BOMB WAS PRIMED

AND PLACED ON A SPACE HEATER

SITUATEDRIGHT NEXT TO THE WALL.

AS SOON AS THE WATERAND CARD MIXTURE HEATED UP,

THE ENSUING CHEMICAL REACTION

WOULD BLOW OPENA HOLE TO FREEDOM.

BUT NOTHING HAPPENED.

DID HE FORGET SOMETHING?

FLOYD CHECKED THE DEVICE.

THAT'S WHEN HIS ESCAPE PLAN

BLEW UP IN HIS FACE.

WHEN FLOYD PICKED UPHIS CRUDE CARD BOMB,

HE GAVE IT THE FINAL STIRIT NEEDED

TO PROPERLY MIX...

AND DETONATE.

- IN THIS SITUATION,

WE HAVE SHRAPNEL FROMTHE METAL OF THE PIPE BOMB

THAT'S GONNA BE EMBEDDEDINTO HIS SKULL AND HIS BRAIN.

WE ALSO HAVE THE SHRAPNELFROM THE PLAYING CARDS

THAT ARE GONNA DO A LOTOF TISSUE DAMAGE THEMSELVES,

EMBEDDING PIECESWITHIN THE CHEST AND THE HEAD,

THAT'S GONNA BE SOMEWHATLIKE A MULTIPLE GUNSHOT WOUND.

- DID YOU GET THE STUFF?

announcer:IF FLOYD'S PLAN HAD WORKED,

IT WOULD HAVE BEENAN ESCAPE FOR THE AGES.

BUT IT JUSTWASN'T IN THE CARDS.

COMING UP, A NERDLOSES HIS VIRGINITY

AND HIS ROOMMATE.

AND IF THE CORSET DON'T FIT,HE MUST ACQUIT.

[breathes heavily]

announcer: RAVI WAS A NERDWITH THE HIGHEST GPA

IN THE HISTORYOF HIS STATE UNIVERSITY...

AND THE WORST SOCIAL LIFE.

HIS ROOMMATE, TYLER,ON THE OTHER HAND...

- THE FIELD GOAL IS GOOD!

announcer:WAS A STAR FOOTBALL PLAYER

WHO GOT MORE TAILTHAN A TOILET SEAT.

- OH.

announcer: WHILE TYLERGOT HIS ROCKS OFF,

RAVI WAS A BANNEDTO A PLACE CALLED "SEXILE."

- BEING SEXILEDIS WHEN YOUR ROOMMATE,

UH, LEAVES YOU STRANDEDFROM YOUR DORM OR YOUR APARTMENT

UH, IN THE HALLWAY,

BECAUSE THEY'REDOING THE NASTY.

I'VE HAD TO SLEEPIN SOME RIDICULOUS PLACES.

PROBABLY THE WORSTWAS THE GROUP SHOWER

IN THE DORMITORY.

IT'S NOT COMFORTABLE.

- AH.

announcer:EVEN IF MEEK AND MILD RAVI

WAS RIGHT ABOVE,

TYLER KEPT CALLING OUTAUDIBLES TO HIS "COEDIBLES."

- OH. OH.

BLUE 52!

HUT! HUT!

announcer:AND THEN IT HAPPENED.

- UM...

- SO I GUESS I'LLSEE YOU IN CLASS TOMORROW.

announcer: IT WAS RAVI'S TURNTO GET HIS SOCK ON.

- HEY, HEY, HEY,WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?

- THERE'S A SOCK ON THE DOOR.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- YOU WANT TO GOA SECOND ROUND,

LET ME KNOW, OKAY?

announcer: RAVI WASNOT ABOUT TO FAIL THIS TEST.

HE WENT RIGHT ONPOUNDING HER...

BOOKS, UNTIL...

- HEY, BABE.

I GOT A NICE,BIG PIECE OF CHALK DOWN HERE

WHENEVER YOU'RE DONE.

- OH, MY GOD.

- OH, MY GOD.

OH! OH!

- THE WEIGHT OF THE BED

AND THE CORRECT ANGLE ONTOTHE INDIVIDUAL'S NASAL BONE

'CAUSED THE BONESTO BE PUSHED BACK

INTO THE CRIBRIFORM PLATE,

PIERCING IT, AND PIERCINGTHE BRAIN TISSUE UNDERNEATH,

'CAUSING BLEEDINGWITHIN THE BRAIN,

AND CAUSING HIM TO DIE.

announcer:TYLER WAS A SOCK BLOCKER

WHO BANNED HIS ROOMIETO THE HALLWAY,

BUT THEN RAVI GOT SOME FUNKIN HIS BUNK.

- HEY,WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?

announcer:AND TYLER WOUND UP...

BOTTOMED OUT.

DO YOU FEEL LIKE WE DOHERE ON 1,000 WAYS TO DIE?

BALLROOM DANCINGIS FOR GIRLY MEN.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE DELIGHTED

TO HAVE THIS QUIFFIN OUR DEATH SCOPE.

HIS NAME IS ESTEBAN,AND HE'S A TOTAL DOUGHNUT HOLE.

AND THAT'S HIS PROBLEM.

THE ONCE SVELTE "MANCER"EATS MORE D-NUTS

THAN A WHOLE SQUAD OF COPS.

TO KEEP UP APPEARANCES,

THE VAIN "HOOFSTER" RESORTEDTO SUCKING IT IN

WITH A CORSET.

- THE HISTORY THAT WE KNOWTHE MOST ABOUT THE CORSET

IS FROM 1820 TO 1910,

BUT WE BELIEVE THAT IT'S BEENAROUND FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS,

UM, TO STRUCTURE THE SHAPEOF A WOMAN'S BODY.

AS FAR AS MENWEARING CORSETS,

IT IS NOT AS COMMON,UH, BACK THEN AS IT IS NOW.

THERE ARE DEFINITELY MORE,

BUT, UH, WE DON'T GETA LOT OF PEOPLE COMING IN,

TRYING ON CORSETS.

announcer:THE TIGHT LACING

TURNED THE NORMALLYUPTIGHT ESTEBAN

INTO A MACHISMO MONSTER.

- HEEL, HEEL.

GO.

RELAX!

announcer:HIS POOR PARTNER, YOLANDA,

BORE THE BRUNTOF HIS HISSY FIT TIRADES.

- WHAT YOU DOING, YOLANDA?

YOU CAN DO NOTHING!

- IT'S NOT ME.IT'S YOU!

- I'M THE CHAMPION.

- YOU MAKE ME SICK.

announcer:FINALLY, SHE HAD ENOUGH.

- I'VE HAD IT.

announcer:HOW DARE SHE WALK OUT

ON THE ONCE GREAT ESTEBAN.

HE WAS SPEECHLESS.

AND NOT BECAUSEHE WAS AT A LOSS FOR WORDS.

HE COULDN'T BREATHE.

HIS TOO-TIGHT CORSET

WAS PREVENTING HIS RIBSAND DIAPHRAGM FROM EXPANDING.

HIS LUNGSSTRUGGLED FOR OXYGEN.

IT DOESN'TTAKE A BRAIN SURGEON

TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HAPPENS

WHEN A BLOWHARD LIKE ESTEBANRUNS OUT OF AIR.

HE DIES!

- IN THIS CASE,HE'S COMPRESSING HIS LUNGS,

AND THE PRESSURE FROMTHE CORSET AGAINST HIS RIBS

CREATED A FRACTURE.

THE RIB THEN BROKE,AND, BEING CURVED,

IT WENT INWARD,

AND, UNFORTUNATELY,

IT WAS IN THE RIGHT POSITIONTO PUNCTURE HIS HEART.

AND THIS CAUSED, UH,MASSIVE INTERNAL BLEEDING,

AND, UH, CARDIAC ARREST.

announcer:ESTEBAN WAS AN EGOTISTICAL,

PEAR-SHAPED,TWO-STEPPING PRICK.

- YOU CAN DO NOTHING!

- IT'S NOT ME.

announcer: DOES IT MAKE US HAPPYON 1,000 WAYS TO DIE

WHEN A JERK LIKE THISBITES IT?

OF...CORSET...DOES.

UP NEXT, IT'S NO NUKESFOR THESE MOOKS.

AND A LAZY BASTARD

FALLS DOWN ON THE JOB.

- AAH!

announcer: ONE OF THE WORLD'SGREATEST FEARS

IS THAT A GROUPOF FANATIC TERRORISTS

WILL BUILD THE ULTIMATE WEAPON

AND HOLD THE WORLD HOSTAGE.

SOMAD AND SIRAKI

WERE LOOKING TO MAKEA NAME FOR THEMSELVES

ON THE GLOBALTERRORIST CIRCUIT.

THE BAD NEWS WAS

THEY HAD COME UPWITH ENOUGH FISSIONABLE MATERIAL

TO BUILD A SMALL NUKE.

THE GOOD NEWS...

- ♪ I LIKE IT

announcer: THESE GUYS WERE MOREOF A THREAT TO THEMSELVES

THAN THEY WERETO THE REST OF THE WORLD.

- SOMAD.

announcer:TODAY SOMAD AND SIRAKI

WERE TESTINGTHE PLUTONIUM CORE.

WHAT THEY DIDN'T KNOWWAS THAT THIS TEST

WAS NICKNAMED"THE DEMON CORE,"

BECAUSE IT HAD KILLEDSEVERAL SCIENTISTS

THAT ATTEMPTED IT60 YEARS EARLIER.

THE DEMON CORE EXPERIMENTIS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS.

YOU SURROUNDTHE PLUTONIUM CORE

WITH TUNGSTEN CARBIDE BRICKS

TO REFLECT NEUTRONS.

THIS MAKES THE COREMORE REACTIVE.

IF THE BRICKS TOUCH THE CORE,

IT CAN GO CRITICAL,

WHICH MEANS A BLASTOF HARMFUL RADIATION

GETS RELEASEDINTO THE ATMOSPHERE.

JUST AS SOMAD WAS SETTING THELAST TUNGSTEN BRICK IN PLACE,

THE CAMEL BURGERHE ATE FOR LUNCH

CAME BACK TO HAUNT HIM.

- [belches]

- OH!

[devices beeping]

announcer: A BURP CAUSED HIMTO FUMBLE THE BRICK.

THE BRICK MADE BRIEFCONTACT WITH THE CORE.

A BLUE FLASHEXPOSED SOMAD AND SIRAKI

TO AS MUCH RADIATION

AS ANYONE STANDINGWITHIN A MILE OF GROUND ZERO

AT NAGASAKI.

THE CONTAMINATION WAS SO GREAT

THEY NEVER MADE ITOUT OF THE LAB.

WITHIN A FEW HOURS,THEY WERE OVERCOME WITH NAUSEA.

SOON AFTER THAT, THEY WEREBEDRIDDEN WITH EXTREME FATIGUE.

AND THEIR MUSCLESHAD ATROPHIED.

THE CELLSIN THEIR SKIN WERE DYING,

AND WITHIN 48 HOURS,

THE WANNABE TERRORISTSWERE DEAD.

- LARGE RADIATIONEXPOSURE SUCH AS THIS

DAMAGES THE IMMUNE SYSTEM,

AND IT CANNOT PRODUCEWHITE BLOOD CELLS.

THIS RENDERSTHE IMMUNE SYSTEM USELESS.

THE PATIENTIS THEN SUSCEPTIBLE

TO A NUMBER OF PATHOGENS.

IN THIS CASE, THE PATIENTSDEVELOPED BACTERIAL PNEUMONIA.

THE LUNGS EVENTUALLY FILLEDWITH LARGE AMOUNT OF SECRETIONS,

AND THEYESSENTIALLY ASPHYXIATED.

announcer: NUCLEAR TERRORISMIS NO JOKE,

BUT LITTLEDID SOMAD AND SIRAKI KNOW

THEY WERE JUST ONE BURP AWAY

FROM BECOMING WEAPONSOF GAS DESTRUCTION.

[devices beep]

[belch]

- HEY, CHUCK!LOWER THAT ROPE DOWN.

announcer: MIKE WASTHE GOOD-FOR-NOTHING SON

IN SMITH AND SONCONSTRUCTION.

- I GOT A BRILLIANT IDEA.

announcer:WHEN HE WASN'T ANNOYING

EVERYONE HE WORKED WITH...

HE WAS RAISING HIS LEVELOF LAZINESS TO NEW HEIGHTS.

- ALL RIGHT, BRING ME UP.- ARE YOU NUTS?

announcer:MIKE'S LATEST JACK-OFF MOVE...

- PULL ME UP, CHUCK!

announcer: HIJACKINGTHE COUNTERWEIGHT SYSTEM

USED TO HOIST TOOLS

AND USING IT FOR HIS OWNPERSONAL ELEVATOR.

- ACCORDING TONEWTONIAN MECHANICS,

BASICALLY IF YOU HAVE A PULLEYAND YOU HAVE TWO MASSES

HANGING FROM TWO ENDS,

AS THE PERSON STARTS MOVING UP,

THE SUM OF THE FORCESIS NO LONGER ZERO.

THAT MEANS THE OTHER SIDEOF THE PULLEY IS EXERTING FORCE,

SO IT'S GOING DOWN.

- COME ON. HURRY UP.

- I'M TIRED OF DOINGALL THE HARD WORK HERE.

announcer: BUT JUST AS MIKEWAS ABOUT TO REACH THE TOP...

- COME ON, MIKE.- COME ON.

- YOU'RE ALMOST THERE, PAL.

- AAH!

- OH, GOD! OH!

announcer: THE COUNTERWEIGHTWASN'T DESIGNED

TO CARRY A LOAD LIKE MIKE.

MIKE'S WEIGHTPLUS THE WEIGHT OF THE BUCKET

WAS TOO MUCH FOR THE TENSILESTRENGTH OF THE ROPE.

- THE CONSTRUCTION WORKERPROBABLY EXPERIENCED

A NUMBER OF INJURIES,

SUCH AS, UH, RIB FRACTURES,

FEMUR,AND FIBULAR FRACTURES.

FRACTURED PELVIS AS WELL.

BUT THE LETHAL INJURYWAS MOST LIKELY

DUE TO A SIGNIFICANTBRAIN HEMORRHAGE.

announcer:MIKE WAS THE BOSS' SON,

WHO NEVER PUT IN AN HONESTDAY OF WORK IN HIS LIFE.

[knocking]

- LITTLE BUSY IN HERE.WORKING.

announcer:BUT DON'T WORRY.

- ALL RIGHT.BRING ME UP.

- ARE YOU NUTS?

announcer:BECAUSE MIKE WILL NEVER

HAVE TO LIFTA FINGER AGAIN.

- UGH!announcer: EX-SQUEEZE ME.

IT'S ANOTHER ONE OFOUR FAVORITE MEDIEVAL TORTURES.

COMING UP NEXT.

announcer: AS THE 16TH CENTURYWAS COMING TO A CLOSE,

BUSINESS WAS BOOMING

AT THE TOWER OF LONDON'STORTURE CHAMBER.

AND IF MEDIEVAL MUTILATIONHAD A POSTER BOY,

IT WOULD HAVE BEENSIR WILLIAM SKEVINGTON.

HE WAS THE TORTURER IN CHIEFFOR KING HENRY VIII.

HIS SPECIALTY WAS THE RACK.

- THE RACK WAS BUILTTO STRETCH SOMEONE,

AND THE JOINTS OF THE LEGS,THE ELBOWS,

THE ARMS, THE WRISTS,WOULD ALL BE PULLED APART.

YOUR BODY WOULD ACTUALLY BERIPPED LIMB FROM LIMB, PER SE.

announcer: TODAY, SKEVINGTONHAD A NEW CUSTOMER--

A COLD-BLOODED MURDERAND TRAITOR TO THE KING.

THOMAS WAS SENTENCED TO DEATH.

THE ONLY PROBLEM--THOMAS WAS 6'9",

AND THE RACKWAS COMING UP SHORT.

- [laughs]

SCAVENGER, I THINK YOU GOT MEIN THE CHILD'S SIZE.

[laughs]

announcer: SKEVINGTON,WHO WAS NICKNAMED "SCAVENGER"

BY THE LOWLIFE SCUMHE TORTURED,

WAS NOTHINGIF NOT RESOURCEFUL.

- [laughs]

announcer: HE FIGURED,"IF YOU CAN'T STRETCH 'EM,

SQUEEZE 'EM."

AND SO WAS BORNTHE SCAVENGER'S DAUGHTER.

- YEAH, THE DIFFERENCES BETWEENTHE SCAVENGER'S DAUGHTER

AND THE RACK--THE RACK, AS I HAVE SAID,

WAS USEDTO PULL SOMEONE APART.

THE SCAVENGER'S DAUGHTERWOULD BE COMPRESSING SOMEONE.

THIS WAS A TORTURE DEVICEWITH TWO LARGE ARMS

THAT WOULD FORCE SOMEONEIN THE FETAL POSITION.

AS THIS DEVICE WAS TIGHTENED,

IT WOULD CAUSETHEIR BACK TO BREAK,

THEIR ARMS TO BREAK,THEIR LEGS TO BREAK.

IT WOULD 'CAUSE THEMTO HEMORRHAGE INTERNALLY.

NOW,AS THEY WERE HEMORRHAGING,

BLOOD WOULD COME OUTOF THEIR NOSE,

THEIR NOSTRILS,THEIR MOUTH, AND THEIR EARS,

CRUSHING THEM AND KILLING THEMIN THAT FASHION.

- [groaning]

announcer: AS THE STEELPRESSED DOWN ON THOMAS,

HIS RIB CAGE CRACKED

AND BONES DISLOCATED.

HIS LUNGS COMPRESSED

AS BLOOD SQUIRTEDFROM EVERY ORIFICE OF HIS BODY.

IT WAS LIKE SQUEEZINGA WET SPONGE DRY.

- AAH!

announcer:AND THEN THOMAS DIED.

THOMAS WAS TOO BIGFOR THE RACK.

- I THINK YOU GOT MEIN THE CHILD'S SIZE.

announcer: BUT HE MET HIS MATCHWHEN HE HOOKED UP

WITH A NASTY LITTLE WENCH...

CALLEDTHE SCAVENGER'S DAUGHTER.

Captioning by CaptionMaxwww.captionmax.com

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