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You Foos You Lose

The guys beloved truck stalls, but finds of a foosball table, Tommy Gun drums and Twinkies sweeten the day.

- CAN YOU PLEASE PICK UPYOUR PACE?

'RE GONNA MISSTHIS AUCTION.

ALL RIGHT.I'M GONNA SIGN US IN.

HOLD THE AUCTION!

- WHAT, ARE YOU EXERCISING?EARLY MORNING JOG?

- I THOUGHT I SMELLED GARBAGE.- OH, LOOK AT THIS GUY.

- HOW YOU DOING?HOW YOU DOING?

- WHAT HAPPENEDTO THE TRUCK, BRO?

- I PARKED ITAROUND THE CORNER.

I DIDN'T WANT TO GET ITDINGED UP IN HERE.

- GLAD TO SEEYOU COULD MAKE IT, TON.

- CRAP.THINGS JUST KEEP GETTING WORSE.

FIRST BETSY,NOW THESE TWO.

- LAST TIME WE RANINTO THESE CHARACTERS,

THEY OVERBID USAND SHUT US OUT.

TIME TO BRING THE "A" GAME.

I WISH ALL AUCTION BUYERSLOOKED LIKE YOU GUYS, HONESTLY.

- BRUTALLY HANDSOME?- CAN'T ALL BE GOOD-LOOKING.

- YEAH, WELL, SO I COULD JUSTLOOK OVER YOUR HEADS.

- THIS GUY, THIS GUY.HE'S A COMEDIAN.

- HEY, DON'T BRING YOURSELFDOWN TO THEIR LEVEL.

- AW.

- WELCOME TO THE AUCTION.MY NAME IS KEN.

BUY AN ENTIRE LOCKER AS-IS,CASH ON THE SALE.

YOU HAVE 24 HOURSTO REMOVE EVERYTHING,

ANYBODY FROM THE PREMISES.

THESE ARE THE TERMSAND CONDITIONS,

AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST.

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS,FEEL FREE TO ASK.

YO!

STEP RIGHT UP.TAKE A LOOK.

WE ALWAYSDO THE BEST FIRST.

- YO, TON,YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS ONE.

- YOU LIKE THAT?- HE'S GONNA LOVE IT.

- WHY?- WHOA.

- THIS UNIT COULD BEA BIG RISK.

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT HOSTESSWENT OUT OF BUSINESS,

SO IT'S GONNA BE DIFFICULTTO GET THIS THING

FOR LESS THAN MARKET VALUE.

- DUDE, IT'S TWINKIES!

- EVERYBODY GET A LOOK.

BESIDES THE HUNGER VALUE,

POSSIBLE COLLECTIBLE VALUETHERE.

CAN I GET A $100 OPENING BID?100?

- RIGHT HERE.- I HAVE 100. NOW 125.

100, NOW 125, NOW 150.I HAVE 125, NOW 150.

NOW 150, NOW 175.- RIGHT HERE.

- 500.- 500, NOW 525. 525, NOW 550.

- HERE.- I HAVE 550, NOW 575.

NOW 600. I HAVE 600.

NOW 625, NOW 650,NOW 675, NOW 700.

NOW 725, NOW 750.- $1,000.

- $1,000, NOW 1,100.I HAVE 1,000, NOW 1,100.

1,000, NOW 1,100, 1,000,NOW 1,100, 1,000, NOW 1,100.

- HERE.- I HAVE 1,100, NOW 1,200.

1,100, NOW 1,200.1,100, NOW 1,200.

1,200, NOW 1,300.I GOT 1,200, NOW 1,300.

1,200, NOW 1,300.I GOT 1,200, NOW 1,300.

- HERE!- NOW 1,400.

I HAVE 1,300, NOW 1,400,1,300, NOW 1,400.

GOT 1,300, NOW 1,400.$1,300 ONCE, TWICE.

SOLD FOR $1,300.

- THIS IS EXACTLYWHAT THESE GUYS ALWAYS DO.

THEY OVERBID ON EVERY UNIT,AND NOW THERE'S JUST TWO LEFT.

I GUESS I'LL BE BUYING YOUAN IMITATION TWINKIE

ON THE WAY HOME, BUD.- NOT THE SAME.

LET'S SEEWHAT WE GOT HERE, DUDE.

- OH! BEAN BAG![laughs]

- YOU'RE A BIG BEAN BAG.

- BRO!LOOK WHAT I FOUND.

FENDER, AND IT'S HEAVY.- THAT'S IN THERE.

HOLY CRAP, DUDE.

- I'M SUCKEDINTO THE BEAN BAG LIFE.

I CAN'T SEE!

- HOLY CRAP.THAT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY COOL.

- YOU CAN'T HOLD ME IN SUSPENSETHIS LONG.

HOLY CRAP!

WHY DON'T YOU TAKETHIS STRIPPER POLE...

- IS THAT WHAT THAT IS?OH, MY GOD!

- AND LET ME HAVE A LOOK?- OH, MY GOD!

- ♪ MY DOG HAS FLEAS

♪ MY DOG HAS FLEAS

♪ THEN I PUT HIMIN THE WATER ♪

♪ AND MADE HIM CATCH MESOME CATFISH ♪

WORKED A LONG TIMEON THAT.

- THAT WAS ACTUALLYPRETTY GOOD.

THANK YOU.- THAT'S AWESOME.

- WE ARE GONNA SELL THIS ONLINEFOR 1,500 BUCKS

WITH A QUICKNESS.

TON, HOW DO YOU KNOWIT'S A STRIPPER POLE?

- I JUST KNOWTHESE THINGS.

BUT WE STILL SHOULD CALL INAN EXPERT TO FIND OUT.

I HAPPEN TO KNOW A FEW.- HA!

FOOSBALL WAS NEVER REALLYMY GAME, THOUGH OTHERS LIKED IT.

I WAS MOREOF A PING-PONG MAN MYSELF.

JUDGING BY THE FACT THAT IT SAYS"TOURNAMENT" RIGHT THERE,

THAT TELLS METHAT IT WAS THE RIGHT SIZE

TO BE USEDIN AN ACTUAL COMPETITION.

LOOK AT THAT, BRO.WE GOT BALLS.

- I GOT A PAIR TOO.

OH, DIFFERENT KIND OF BALLS.MY BAD.

- DUDE, WHAT I'M LIKING IS,THESE GUYS ARE VERY OLD SCHOOL.

THIS IS PROBABLY LATE '60s.LOOK AT THE WEAR ON THE GUYS.

KIND OF AN EARLY PLASTIC.

- LET'S SLIDE THIS THINGBACK OUT OF THE WAY.

- THIS GUYMIGHT ACTUALLY BE WORTH

A FEW HUNDREDMORE THAN I THOUGHT.

ALL IN ALL, I THINKIT'S A $500 TO $600 GAME.

MAYBE WITH SOME RESEARCH,WE COULD FIND SOMEBODY

THAT'S INTO THE HISTORYOF IT.

WHO KNOWS,MAYBE THEY'LL GET EMOTIONAL,

WE'LL GET900, 1,000 BUCKS.

- OH, TOOL BOX.

- WHAT IS IT?- HOLY [bleep]!

- WHAT IS THAT?- OH, MY GOD!

- THOSE LOOK LIKEFILM CANISTERS.

- THESE ARE MAGAZINE TYPE "L"THOMPSON SUBMACHINE GUN.

OH, MY GOD.THESE ARE REAL.

- TRADEMARK "THOMPSON,"AS IN TOMMY GUN,

WHICH IS WHAT THE MOBWOULD CALL IT, RIGHT?

- I FORGIVE YOU,BUT MY TOMMY GUN DOESN'T!

[imitates gunfire]

NOW, THIS ISWHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

A MAN CAVEAFTER MY OWN HEART.

MACHINE GUN PARTS![laughs]

- WHEN YOU GET THIS EXCITED,I START TO GET EXCITED,

'CAUSE IT USUALLY MEANSTWO THINGS--

ONE, SOMETHING'SABOUT TO GO BOOM.

TWO,I'M ABOUT TO GET MONEY.

- THESE ARE 1,500 TO 2 GRAND.- APIECE?

- APIECE.THERE'S THREE.

- SO YOU'RE TELLING MEWE'RE TALKING ABOUT $4,500?

- THAT'S--THAT'S AT THE TOPOF THE MARKET.

I MEAN--- ADA-BABA-BEBE-BA.

$4,500?- AT THE TOP OF THE MARKET.

- NO, NO, NO TALKING.THAT'S ALL I NEED.

THIS IS OUR BEST HOPETO MAKE ANY MONEY.

WHAT DO YOU THINKWE'RE LOOKING AT?

UT 500?- OKAY.

YOU THINK MAYBEYOU COULD CUT A FEW COUPONS

AND GET UP TO 900 BUCKS?

I BET WE'RE THE ONLY ONEON CRAIGSLIST

WITH A 50-YEAR-OLDFOOSBALL TABLE.

- I BET THAT'S CORRECT,BUT 900 IS A LITTLE STEEP.

WOULD YOU LIKETO PLAY FOR IT?

- ALL RIGHT,WE'LL TAKE $200 OFF

IF YOU CAN SCOREFOUR TIMES ON US.

IF WE SCORE ONE TIME,HOWEVER, IT'S A $900 PRICE.

- SO YOU'RE LOOKING AT 700?- YEAH.

DO YOU LIKE THE $700 PRICE?- I LIKE THE $700 PRICE.

- WELL,THEN YOU GOTTA SHOW US

HOW THIS GAME IS PLAYED.- OKAY.

- DUDE, DON'T LET THAT SWEET,INNOCENT FACE FOOL YOU.

SHE'S A KILLER.SHE'S HUSTLING YOU.

- WHERE ISYOUR COMPETITIVE INSTINCT?

COME ON, WE CAN TAKE HER!

ONE SCORE FOR $200.

LET'S GET TO IT.- ARE WE SET?

- [grunts]NO!

[laughs]

TON, DEFEND THE--AAH!

OKAY, TEAM TALK.

LISTEN, WHAT YOU WANT TO DO--- [blows raspberry]

- WHAT YOU NEED TO DO HERE,SON--

- [blows raspberry]TALK TO MY BUTT.

- YOU JUST GOT KICKED OFFTHE FOOSBALL LEAGUE.

WHOO! COME ON,I ONLY NEED ONE GOAL!

ONE GOAL! AAH!OH, SO CLOSE!

SHE'S PRETTY GOOD, TON.SHE'S BETTER THAN I--

OOH![groans]

COME ON!LET'S GO!

- GAME ON.- DUDE! DUDE!

[laughs]

OH, WE'RE IN THERE!

AND WE'RE OUT OF THERE.- WHOA.

- OKAY.- ONE SCORE, TON.

- 3-0.- TOLD YOU, BRO.

SHE'S A HUSTLER.

- SHE'S GOOD, BUT LOOK,WE ALREADY MADE 700 BUCKS,

AND WHAT ARE THE ODDS

THAT SHE'S GONNA SCOREFOUR TIMES IN A ROW?

I DON'T THINK SO.

IT'S ABOUT TO GETVERY SERIOUS IN HERE.

[grunts]OH!

DO SOMETHING![groans]

- YOU JUST PASSED ITTO HER!

- NO!

- 4 TO 0, GUYS.

- THANK YOU.- THANK YOU.

- SO APPARENTLY THE CHANCESOF HER SCORING FOUR TIMES

WERE ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD.

- YEAH.DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT, BRO.

- WE HEAD OUT IN THE MIDDLEOF NOWHERE HERE TODAY

TO MEET UP WITH MIKE.

HE'S A CLASS 3 WEAPONS DEALERFOR FILM AND TELEVISION.

HOPEFULLY, HE'S GONNA FLIPOVER THESE DRUMS.

- AND AFTER THAT WORLD-CLASSBUTT-WHUPPING THAT I TOOK

ON THE FOOSBALL TABLE,WE COULD USE A WIN HERE, BUD.

- IT'S CURTAINS FOR BETSY![laughs]

- I'M ALLEN. HI.- MIKE TRISTANO.

NICE TO MEET YOU.- HEY, MIKE, HOW YOU DOING?

- HOLY [bleep]! OH, MAN![laughter]

THESE ARE THREE ORIGINALTHOMPSON MAGAZINES.

- WHEN DID THEY FIRST MAKETHE DRUM FOR THESE?

- THEY MADE THEM FORTHE MILITARY STARTING IN 1938.

GENERAL JOHN T. THOMPSON,

WHO ALSO CREATED THE COMPANYTHAT MADE THE THOMPSON,

HE WAS BASICALLY GEARING THISFOR THE MILITARY

AND FOR LAW ENFORCEMENT,

BUT FOUND ITS FIRST HOMEWITH THE GANGSTERS,

BECAUSE THE GUYSTHAT MADE THE '20s ROAR

WERE GUYS LIKE AL CAPONE,PRETTY BOY FLOYD,

MACHINE GUN KELLY.

- SO PRETTY MUCHBEFORE THIS,

THE ONLY WAYTO GO GAH-GAH-GAH-GAH-GAH

IS WHEN YOU HAD A WAGON DRAGONOR SOMETHING?

- MACHINE GUNS BEFORE THENWERE EITHER TRIPOD-MOUNTED

OR BIPOD-MOUNTED, AND THEREWERE USUALLY TWO-MAN CREWS.

THE THOMPSON SUBMACHINE GUN,EVEN THOUGH IT WAS HEAVY,

IT COULD STILL BE CARRIEDBY ONE MAN WITH SOME DRUMS,

AND IT GAVE ONE GUYA LOT MORE FIREPOWER

THAN THE AVERAGE SOLDIER DIDWITH A BOLT-ACTION RIFLE

WITH A BAYONET.

- WHY HAVE WEGOTTEN AWAY FROM DRUMS

AND EMBRACED SORT OFTHE BANANA MAGAZINE?

- THE PROBLEM WITH THE DRUMSIS THE TIME TO LOAD THEM.

I'LL SHOW YOUHOW THEY COME APART.

YOU HAVE TO TAKEYOUR 50 ROUNDS

AND PUT THEM IN, ONE BY ONE,INTO THESE CHAMBERS HERE.

- OH, DEAR LORD.

- SO WHAT ARE WE LOOKING LIKE,PRICE-WISE?

- THE VALUEOF THE THOMPSON 50-ROUND DRUMS

COULD BE ANYWHEREFROM $1,500 TO $2,000 A DRUM.

- WHOO!

- THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS.

THE BAD NEWS--I CAN'T BUY THESE FROM YOU

BECAUSE THEY'REHIGH-CAPACITY MAGAZINES

FOR A CLASS 3 WEAPON.

- [groans]

- YOU CAN'T SELL THEM

BECAUSE YOU GUYSAREN'T CLASS 3 DEALERS.

- GREAT.NOW WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

WE ARE NOW THE PROUD OWNERSOF SOMETHING THAT WE CAN'T SELL.

- YOU COULD GIVE THEM TO ME.- [chuckles]

I'M NOT INTERESTEDIN THAT.

- WE CAN'T SELL THEM.

- IS THERE ANY SILVER LININGHERE AT ALL?

- HOW ABOUT THIS?

PEOPLE IN FILMLOVE THOMPSONS,

ESPECIALLY WITH THE DRUM.

- THAT IS CORRECT.

- LET'S SAY, HEY, WE ARE GONNAGIVE THIS TO YOU TO POSSESS,

AND, LET'S SAY, KICK US BACK10% FOR EVERY RENTAL.

- SO THIS IS YOUR 401(k)?- DAMN STRAIGHT.

- IT'S A GOOD IDEA.LET'S CHECK THEM.

WE NEED TO SEETHAT THESE FUNCTION PROPERLY.

- I'M MORE THAN WILLINGTO HELP YOU OUT, BROTHER.

SEE? LOOK HOW WELLTHAT TURNED OUT.

I TOLD YOU WE WERE GONNADRUM UP SOME CASH WITH THESE.

- YES, IF MIKE GETS A MOVIEWHERE THEY ACTUALLY NEED THOSE,

THEN WE WILL ENJOY A SMALLPERCENTAGE OF THAT OVER TIME.

REALLY ROLLING IN IT, HUH?

- WELL, YOU COULD LOOK AT ITAS A GLASS HALF-EMPTY,

OR YOU COULD LOOK AT ITLIKE I DO.

I'M ABOUT TO BE SHATTEREDWITH SOME LEAD!

[laughs]

- OKAY, SO YOU'RE GONNALOAD IN OUR DRUM.

YOU ARE ALL SET TO FIRE.

- [exhales]MY GOODNESS.

- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

I WANT TO SEE YOUDO IT GANGSTA STYLE.

- [laughs]- THAT'S BETTER.

[dramatic music]

- YOU'RE NEVER GONNATAKE ME ALIVE, COPPERS!

AAH![gunfire]

[rock music]

DUDE!- WOW!

- AWESOME, HUH?- YEAH!

[laughs]- I KNEW YOU'D LOVE THAT.

- WELL, BRO,

IT PAINS ME TO SAY...- MM-HMM?

- IT LOOKS LIKE WE MADE ENOUGHMONEY TO FIX BETSY AGAIN.

- UNH!

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