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Death: A User's Manual

Season 1, Ep 11 20:58

Texters get their signals crossed; a boozing bozo gets blown; a thief's mission becomes impossible.

>> YOU GUYS DOING OKAY?

>> DAVE "THE EGG" RESTUCCI WAS

YOUR BASIC BIG-EATING,

BIG-DRINKING SLOB.

>> HELLO?

>> WHAT?

>> COME ON.

>> IN OTHER WORDS, HE WAS A GUY.

IT'S A WONDER HE COULD ATTRACT

FLEAS, LET ALONE A WOMAN.

BUT HERE WAS AUDREY, HIS NEW

GIRLFRIEND.

>> [belches]

SORRY.

>> NEVER KNOWN FOR HIS TABLE

MANNERS...

>> [flatulence and belching]

>> TODAY DAVE WAS REALLY LETTING

IT FLY.

>> [belches]

>> AUDREY WAS MORTIFIED.

>> UGH!

>> ALL SHE WANTED WAS A NICE

LUNCH...

>> [belches]

>> NOT A TRIP TO THE ZOO.

BUT SOMETHING WAS WRONG.

>> [belches]

>> BELCHING IS CAUSED BY

SWALLOWING AIR OR DRINKING

CARBONATED BEVERAGES.

THE AIR IS EXPELLED BACK OUT AS

A BURP.

DAVE'S PROBLEM?

THE DOZEN OR SO PEPTIC ULCERS

HE'S GOT BREWING DOWN BELOW.

THEY'VE STARTED TO BLEED OUT.

HIS FRAT-BOY DIET IS ABOUT TO

CATCH UP TO HIM.

>> ULCERS ARE LIKE SCABS THAT

YOU GET IN YOUR STOMACH.

THEY'RE VERY SIMILAR TO JUST

SORES ON YOUR SKIN EXCEPT THE

SORE IS IN THE LINING OF YOUR

STOMACH.

IT WOULD BE LIKE HAVING A CUT ON

YOUR SKIN THAT WAS TRYING TO

HEAL BUT IT COULDN'T HEAL 'CAUSE

YOU KEPT POURING BATTERY ACID ON

TOP OF IT ALL THE TIME.

THIS GUY WAS A TIME BOMB WAITING

TO EXPLODE.

>> [belches] COME ON.

>> COME ON, LET'S GET THIS OVER

WITH.

>> DAVE CONVINCES AUDREY TO

PUNCH HIM IN THE GUT, THINKING

THIS MIGHT SOLVE THE PROBLEM.

>> I MEAN, ARE YOU SURE?

>> YEAH, JUST RIGHT--

>> ARE YOU POSITIVE?

>> [belches]

>> ALL RIGHT, I GUESS I'LL DO IT

HARD.

>> [grunts]

[coughs and moans]

>> WHEN HIS GIRLFRIEND POPPED

HIM, IT RUPTURED HIS STOMACH

LIKE A BALLOON WOULD RUPTURE AND

ALL OF THE CONTENTS OF HIS

STOMACH SPILLED OUT INTO HIS

BODY CAVITY.

>> DAVE HIT THE TABLE LIKE A

BEACHED WHALE...AND CROAKED.

>> [belches]

>> [grunting]

>> MIKE ARMS WAS AN AMATEUR

BODYBUILDER WHO HAD DREAMS OF

GOING PRO.

BUT NO MATTER HOW HARD HE WORKED

OUT, HE WASN'T GETTING BIG

ENOUGH FAST ENOUGH.

>> [grunts]

>> HE DECIDED TO TAKE THE PLUNGE

AND HIT THE JUICE.

EVEN THOUGH HE WAS FULLY AWARE

OF THE HAZARDS, MIKE'S OBSESSION

WITH BULKING UP DROVE HIM TO

STICK A NEEDLE INTO HIMSELF

EVERY DAY.

THE COMBINATION OF ANABOLIC

STEROIDS AND HUMAN GROWTH

HORMONE GAVE HIM A RUSH OF

INCREDIBLE POWER AND SIZE.

BUT UNDER HIS HUGE CHEST, MIKE

WAS PAYING AN EVEN BIGGER PRICE.

>> THINGS LIKE ANABOLIC STEROIDS

AND HUMAN GROWTH HORMONES HAVE A

LOT OF BAD EFFECTS ON THE HEART.

YOU CAN DEVELOP A HEART THAT IS

ABNORMAL.

THE TERM FOR THAT WE USE IS

CALLED CARDIOMYOPATHY.

CARDIO MEANS "HEART."

MYOPATHY MEANS "ABNORMAL HEART

MUSCLE."

>> [grunts]

>> JUICED UP AND FULL OF ROID

RAGE, MIKE HIT THE GYM LIKE A

MAN POSSESSED.

EARLY BALDNESS, SHRUNKEN

TESTICLES, AND A CHOLESTEROL

COUNT THROUGH THE ROOF WERE A

SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR A BIGGER,

BADDER MIKE.

BUT WHILE HIS BODY WAS GETTING

PUMPED UP ON THE OUTSIDE, IT WAS

BREAKING DOWN ON THE INSIDE.

>> [gasps]

>> IN THIS COUNTRY, 300,000 OR

400,000 PEOPLE DIE SUDDENLY

EVERY YEAR.

THE MAJORITY OF THE PEOPLE THAT

DIE SUDDENLY, THE BOTTOM OF

THEIR HEART, OR THE VENTRICLE,

GETS OUT OF RHYTHM.

IT'S STOPPED PUMPING AND IF THE

PARAMEDICS WEREN'T ABLE TO COME

QUICKLY ENOUGH TO SHOCK HIM BACK

TO NORMAL, THEN HE DIED BECAUSE

OF THE ABNORMAL HEART RHYTHM.

>> MIKE'S OBSESSION WITH HIS

BODY COST HIM HIS LIFE.

>> [grunts]

>> JUST BLAME IT ON THE JUICE.

[keypad tones]

>> OUR NEXT TALE OF LIFE

INTERRUPTED CONCERNS AN

OBSESSION THAT'S SPREADING

FASTER THAN THE FLU IN WINTER.

TEXTING.

CHET AND TRICIA WERE NO

DIFFERENT THAN ANY OTHER

TWENTY-SOMETHINGS.

THEY SPENT MOST OF THEIR WAKING

HOURS HEADS BURIED IN THEIR

"CRACKBERRIES" AND CELL PHONES,

TEXTING.

>> MOST OF THE SOCIAL DARWINISM

CASES SORT OF REVOLVE AROUND

INDIVIDUAL'S BEHAVIOR.

BUT WHAT YOU HERE SEE IS THE

AVAILABILITY OF A TECHNOLOGY

WHICH CREATES ABILITY FOR A BIG

GROUP OF PEOPLE TO DO THINGS

THAT THEY HAVEN'T BEEN DOING

BEFORE.

>> CHET WAS ON HIS WAY TO MEET

TRICIA, ARGUING BY TEXT OVER

WHERE TO PICK HER UP IN HIS

HALF-TON PICKUP.

[horn honks]

>> WHAT?

WHAT?!

[horn honks]

>> PEOPLE GET LULLED INTO A

SENSE THEY CAN DO PRETTY MUCH

ANYTHING IN A CAR BECAUSE MOST

OF THE TIME NOTHING HAPPENS.

>> "RELAX."

>> CHET THOUGHT THAT HE COULD

TEXT AWAY WHILE DRIVING.

THAT WAS DANGEROUS.

>> MOST OF THOSE DRIVERS ARE

DRIVING IN A WAY THAT WHEN

CERTAIN FACTORS COME TOGETHER,

THEY'RE IN AN IRREVERSIBLE

SITUATION.

>> TRICIA THOUGHT SHE COULD WALK

AND TEXT, NEVER LOOKING UP FROM

THE SCREEN.

THAT WAS STUPID.

WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN

STUPID MEETS DANGEROUS.

[tires screech]

>> WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

>> RIGHT NOW WE ARE SORT OF IN

THIS EXPERIMENTAL PHASE WHERE A

TECHNOLOGY HAS EMERGED AND

UNFORTUNATELY SOME PEOPLE WILL

LOSE THEIR LIVES BECAUSE THEY

DON'T NECESSARILY ADAPT OR THEY

USE THE TECHNOLOGY

INAPPROPRIATELY.

AND SO THERE'S A PARTICULAR

SOCIAL DIMENSION IN THIS KIND OF

SOCIAL DARWINISM.

[tires screech]

>> AND SO ENDS ANOTHER MODERN

ROMANCE.

[cell phone rings]

IRISHMEN PATTY AND NICK HAVE TWO

PASSIONS IN LIFE.

GOLFING AND DRINKING.

NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT ORDER.

ON A VACATION TO THE UNITED

STATES, THESE TWO MATES PROVED

TO BE MUCH BETTER DRINKERS THAN

THEY WERE GOLFERS.

>> [chuckling]

>> IT'S BAD GRASS.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

>> GOLFERS ARE GOING TO THE GOLF

COURSE TO PLAY WELL.

THEY WANNA HAVE A GOOD TIME AND

PLAYING A GOOD ROUND OF GOLF IS

FAIRLY ENJOYABLE.

BUT WHEN YOU DO START TO SLICE

THE BALL AND IT'S GOING VERY FAR

OFF-LINE, YES, YOU'RE GONNA

EITHER LOSE IT OR GET IN SOME

BRUSH AND WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GONNA

HAPPEN.

>> WHEN PATTY HIT AN ERRANT SHOT

INTO THE ROUGH, THINGS GOT A LOT

ROUGHER WHEN A RAT RAN UP HIS

PANTS LEG.

>> AH!

[stammering]

GET OUT, GET OUT!

OUT, OUT, OH!

[gasps]

OH, GEEZ.

>> THE RAT TOOK OFF BUT NOT

BEFORE LEAVING PATTY A BIG, WET

SURPRISE.

>> YOU'VE PISSED YOURSELF, MAN!

>> IT WASN'T ME.

IT WAS SOME KIND OF BEAR,

POSSUM, OR RAT OR SOMETHING.

>> PATTY EVENTUALLY CALMED DOWN

AND THE TWO FINISHED THEIR

MATCH.

BUT THE DUFFER'S DEMISE HAS

ALREADY BEGUN.

>> IF YOU GET PEED ON BY A RAT

AND YOU HAVE A BREAK IN THE SKIN

AND IT'S ALLOWED TO GET IN

THERE, THEN, YES, IT WOULD BE

POSSIBLE TO GET INFECTED THAT

WAY.

IT'S A BACTERIA THAT GETS INTO

YOUR BODY AND THEN IT REPRODUCES

AND SPREADS THROUGHOUT YOUR BODY

AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU SICK.

>> AFTER A WEEK BACK IN IRELAND,

PATTY'S HEALTH TAKES A NASTY

TURN.

HE'S BEEN INFECTED WITH A DEADLY

BACTERIA KNOWN AS LEPTOSPIROSIS.

>> MOST PEOPLE WHO GET INFECTED

WITH LEPTOSPIROSIS, THEIR IMMUNE

SYSTEM WILL KICK IN AND WILL GET

RID OF IT.

A FEW PEOPLE WILL GET A MORE

SEVERE FORM CALLED WEIL'S

DISEASE.

>> WEIL'S DISEASE ATTACKED

PATTY'S MAJOR ORGANS.

FIRST, A LIVER ALREADY SUFFERING

FROM A LIFETIME OF PUB CRAWLING.

HIS KIDNEYS WENT NEXT.

>> VERY OFTEN, BY THE TIME THE

PERSON IS SICK ENOUGH TO COME

INTO THE HOSPITAL, SICK ENOUGH

TO GET STARTED ON THE

ANTIBIOTICS, THE DAMAGE HAS

ALREADY BEEN DONE.

>> IT ENDED WITH PATTY FADING

FAST, NOT FEELING UP TO PAR.

>> PAT?

>> PATTY?

>> HE HIT INTO THE HAZARD AND

WOUND UP TAKING A STROKE.

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