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Allen vs. Ton

Ton and Allen face off at auction, but a common enemy and the discovery of pro go-karts might mend fences.

- OKAY, GUYS,TAKE A LOOK INSIDE.

NOBODY TOUCH.

[laughs]

- YOU CAN INVENTORYWHEN YOU BUY.

- TON CAN TALK ALL HE WANTS.

YOU SEE, THE THING IS,BY NOW,

I KNOWEXACTLY WHAT HE'S THINKING,

AND HE KNOWSWHAT I'M THINKING TOO.

I WANT THAT VINTAGE UNIT,

AND I'M GONNA DOWHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET IT.

- YEARS OF BEINGIN THE AUCTION GAME

HAVE TAUGHT ME THAT FURNITUREIS A QUICK SALE.

BUT THE ONLY PROBLEM IS,IF I WANT IT,

I GOT TO OUTBID ALLEN.

- ALL RIGHT, GUYS.THE FIRST UNIT TO GO HERE.

DO I HAVE AN OPENING BID?200 THERE. NOW 300.

WE'RE LOOKING AT 300,200, 300.

WE'RE LOOKING AT 300.300, WE'RE LOOKING AT 300.

- YEP.- 300 THERE, NOW 400.

300, 400, 400 THERE.- YEP.

- NOW 500,WE'RE LOOKING AT 500.

500 HERE. NOW 600.

WE'RE LOOKING AT 600.500, 600.

WE'RE LOOKING AT 600 THERE.NOW 700.

600, NOW 700.- YEP.

- NOW 800.

- 1,500.- 1,500. 1,500, NOW TRY 1,600.

- YEAH.- 1,500. 1,600.

- YEAH.- NOW 1,700.

1,600, NOW 1,700.

- $2,000.- $2,000 THERE.

2,000, NOW 2,100.WE'RE LOOKING AT 2,100.

2,000, 2,100.ANYBODY ELSE WANT TO GO?

GOING ONCE, TWICE,

YOU GOT IT.2,000.

- THIS DUDE HAS MORE MONEYAND THE LACK OF COMMON SENSE

TO OUTBID EVERYONETILL THE SUN GOES DOWN.

NOW THAT I'M ROLLING SOLO,

THAT MEANS I GOT TO SPENDALL OF MY OWN MONEY,

AND THE RISK IS ON ME.

- SOME NICE ANTIQUE VINTAGEFURNITURE, BROTHERS.

- THAT JACKET IS THE SAME ERAOF THAT FURNITURE, ISN'T IT?

MOVE RIGHT IN THAT UNITAND LIVE THERE.

MY REAL COMPETITION TODAYIS NOT THE TON-SIZED MOSQUITO

THAT KEEPS BUZZINGAROUND MY HEAD.

IT'S YOSEMITE SAM,AND IF TON KEEPS THIS UP,

WE'RE BOTH GOING HOMEEMPTY-HANDED.

WOW.

- ALL RIGHT,LET'S GET TO IT.

- IT'S GONNA BE GOOD.

- YOU MUST MISS THE WORKA LITTLE BIT.

- I ACTUALLY DO MISS IT.

SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT ABOUTMISSING OUT ON A TREASURE HUNT.

- HOW ARE WE DIVIDINGTHIS STUFF?

- LET'S JUST DIG THROUGH ITAND SEE HOW IT GOES.

- ALL RIGHT, DUDE.LET'S JUST SEE HOW IT GOES.

OH, GROSS.YOU CAN'T USE THAT.

DON'T GET ME WRONG.I APPRECIATE IT.

BUT WAS THAT NEW?

- DUDE,CHICKS LOVE THIS STUFF.

- OOH, LA-LAY-LAY-LOO.

THIS IS A NATIONALCASH REGISTER.

HEY, BEFORE THE MECHANICALREGISTER, THERE WAS NO WAY

TO TELL IF EMPLOYEESWERE STEALING FROM THE POT.

AND THEN, WHEN THEY INTRODUCEDTHE RECEIPT,

WELL, THEY HAD A RECORDOF EVERY TRANSACTION.

AND YOU'LL NEVER GUESSWHEN THIS THING WAS MADE.

- '54.

- THAT'S WHATI WOULD'VE THOUGHT.

'35.- WHAT?

- WHAT IT SAYS.

YOU CAN SEE IT'S BEEN REPAINTED,WHICH HURTS THE VALUE.

IF IT HADN'T BEEN REPAINTED

AND IT WAS IN THISKIND OF CONDITION, BRAND-NEW,

MAYBE 1,200, 1,300 BUCKS.

AS IT IS, I THINK 700,800 BUCKS. PRETTY COOL.

DUDE, THAT'S GROSS.

IT'S GROSS BECAUSEIT WAS ALREADY OPENED.

IT'D BE ONE THING--- NO, I OPENED IT.

- OH, DID YOU?OKAY.

- OH, NOPE.IT WAS OPEN.

- YOU KNOW WHO ELSEHAS BEEN EATING FROM THAT?

RATS, PROBABLY.HERE YOU GO.

YOU HAVE JUST EARNEDYOUR OWN DOLL.

- HEY, THAT'S GOT TO BEWORTH SOMETHING.

SHE'S SMOKING A CIGARETTE.- THAT'S CLASSY.

- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

MY DEAR FRIEND ALLENTAUGHT ME THIS.

IF IT SAYS "COLLECTIBLE,"IT'S NOT COLLECTIBLE.

SO IT IS ABSOLUTELYPROBABLY WORTH ABOUT 5 BUCKS.

- I THINK THAT'S IT.WOW.

I'VE NEVER BEEN PROUDER, DUDE.THANK YOU.

LOOK, A MARTIN CASE,AND IT'S HEAVY.

OH! A VINTAGE MARTIN.

PROBABLY $400 TO $500.

DUDE, THIS ISA SWEET-LOOKING TRUMPET.

YOU KNOW, TRUMPETS HAVEBEEN AROUND SINCE ANCIENT EGYPT.

OF COURSE,THEY DIDN'T LOOK LIKE THIS.

[playing trumpet terribly]

- I THINK YOU ALMOST HAD IT.

- HOLY [bleep]!

DUDE,THAT'S NOT A LAWNMOWER.

THAT'S GO-KARTS.

- LAST ONE TO THE GO-KARTSDOESN'T GET TO PICK.

NO, DON'T, TON! NO!DUDE, YOU'RE GONNA CRUSH IT.

- I'M THE FIRST ONE HERE.

- LOOK AT THIS BEAST!WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK'S FASTER?

- I DON'T KNOW. LET ME GET SOMEOF THIS STUFF OUT OF THE WAY.

- WAIT, THE ONES THAT THE KIDSDRIVE AROUND IN ARE NOT THESE.

THIS THING'S ALL SOUPED-UP.

THEY GOTLITTLE MINI-BIKE ENGINES.

LOOK AT THE AIR FILTER,EXPOSED RIGHT OUT HERE.

I BET YOU THESE SUCKERSGO SUPER FAST.

- THIS ISPRO GO-KART RACING.

LOOK HOW LOWTO THE GROUND THEY ARE.

WE'RE PROBABLY LOOKINGAT UPWARDS OF 5 GRAND A POP.

SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DOWITH ALL THE SMALLS, MAN?

- I DON'T KNOW, MAN.I DON'T KNOW.

I GUESS WE SHOULD'VETHOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE.

IN THE OLD DAYS, WE USED TO JUSTSORT OF SPLIT THE VALUE IN HALF,

AND THEN WHOEVER WANTED WHATCOULD HAVE AT IT.

I DON'T KNOW, MAN. YOU'RE MAKINGALL THE DECISIONS LATELY.

- WELL, SPLITTING THIS UNITISN'T GONNA SOLVE OUR PROBLEMS.

- I KNOW. I KNOW.

HONESTLY, WE'RE IN OVER OUR HEADA LITTLE BIT.

- I VALUE YOUR FRIENDSHIP

WAY MORE THAN I DOVALUE THE SHOP.

- WELL, I THINK THAT'SKIND OF WHAT BUMMED ME OUT.

IT'S ONE THING IF YOUKIND OF FLAKE ON THE SHOP,

BUT YOU FLAKE ON ME,THAT'S A TOUGH DEAL, MAN.

- LET'S DO THIS:TAKE ALL THIS BACK TO THE SHOP

AND LET ME THINK ABOUT IT.

- OKAY, SO HE KNOWSWHERE I STAND,

BUT THE FUTURE OF HAFF-TON PAWNIS HANGING IN THE BALANCE,

SO TIME TO GET SOME ANSWERS.

- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE COMINGOR IF YOU'RE GOING.

SO PLEASE,DO US BOTH A FAVOR.

ARE YOU INOR ARE YOU OUT?

- I'M BACK IN.

I'M HERE WHOLEHEARTEDLY,AS LONG AS IT'S 50/50.

IS IT TIME FOR YOUTO TAKE A VACATION?

YOU'RE LOOKING LIKE METWO WEEKS AGO.

- WELL, THAT'S NICE. ALL RIGHT.TAG, YOU'RE IT.

- YOU GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE,GO TAKE A BREAK.

AND DO ME A FAVOR.DON'T CALL, DON'T WRITE,

DON'T ANSWER YOUR PHONE,AND I'LL SEE YOU MONDAY.

- I WILL CONSIDERYOUR VACATION REQUEST FOR ME,

BUT IN THE MEANTIME,WE GOT GO-KARTS TO SELL.

AND I GOT A LITTLE SOMETHINGFOR YOU THAT SHOULD

PUT A LITTLE BIT OF OINTMENTON THAT WOUND OF YOURS.

IN "GIGANTERSIZE..."

BLAMMO!- [chuckling] OH, YEAH.

- I JUST GAVE THE BIG GUYA HAFF-TON PAWN SHIRT.

- YES!- VERY NICE.

- AND HE'S GONNA PUT IT ON.- THANK YOU.

- LET'S GO MAKE A SALE.

- ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS.THIS IS HAFF-TON PAWN.

- NOW THAT WE'REBACK AT IT,

LET'S TRY TO GET THESE GO-KARTSSOLD FOR SERIOUS MONEY.

- SWEET.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE HEADEDTO VENTURA TO MEET WITH ANDRICK.

HE KNOWS ALL ABOUTTHESE MINI MOTORCARS,

AND HOPEFULLY, HE'S WILLINGTO BEEF UP HIS FLEET.

- ALL RIGHT. DID YOU HAVEA CHANCE TO LOOK THESE OVER YET?

- I DID, I DID.- WHAT'S HAPPENING, MAN? TON.

- ANDRICK.HOW YOU GUYS DOING TODAY?

- GOOD, MAN.- YOU'VE KIND OF GOTTEN YOURSELF

IN THE DEEP END HERE.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE?- TROUBLE.

- YEAH. YOU DO HAVESOME TROUBLE.

YOU GUYS EVER DRIVENANY GO-KARTS BEFORE?

- OF COURSE.

- OKAY, WELL,THIS IS NOTHING LIKE THAT.

EVERYTHING YOU SEE HEREIS, LIKE, TEN TIMES BETTER.

LIKE, TEN TIMES THE SPEED,TEN TIMES THE GRIP,

AND TEN TIMESTHE STOPPING ABILITY.

- SO THESE AREPRO LEVEL RACING GO-KARTS.

- YEAH. THESE TWO KARTS, THEY'LLGO ABOUT 90 MILES AN HOUR.

- WOW.- YEAH!

WHERE'S THE CRUMPLE ZONES?

- THERE ARE NO CRUMPLE ZONES,AND THERE ARE NO UPGRADES.

- AT 90 MILES AN HOUR,IF YOU GET IN AN ACCIDENT,

IT'S PRETTY MUCHGONNA BE CATASTROPHIC.

- EH.

- TUCK AND ROLL.- TUCK AND ROLL.

PRETTY MUCH ANYONECAN DRIVE A GO-KART.

- WELL, ANYONE THAT COULD FITIN A LITTLE SEAT LIKE THAT.

WHEN MY BUTT WAS 12 YEARS OLD,I MIGHT HAVE SQUEEZED IN THERE.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?- I'M 20 YEARS OLD.

- I JUST DON'T KNOWA LOT OF 20-YEAR-OLDS

THAT CAN AFFORD THESE.

- WELL, IT ISKIND OF AN EXPENSIVE SPORT,

BUT I WAS ACTUALLY ABLE TO GETHOOKED UP WITH A MANUFACTURER

WHO PAYS FOR MY RACING.

- YOU'RE SPONSOREDIN GO-KARTING?

THAT'S A THING?- YES, IT IS A THING.

- I THINK I MISSEDMY CALLING, TON.

- [laughs]EVEN THOUGH I'M ONLY 20,

I'M ONE OF THE TOP RACERSIN THE UNITED STATES.

- SO ARE YOU INTERESTED, KID?

- I'M DEFINITELY INTERESTEDIN THESE KARTS, YEAH.

- WHAT WOULD IT COSTTO BUILD ONE OF THESE?

- FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS,NEW, I'D SAY

THE TOP DOLLAR ON IT'SABOUT $3,000.

- WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER ONE?

- THIS IS DEFINITELYMORE RELEVANT.

IT'S MORE MODERN, AND IT'SFOR SURE IN BETTER SHAPE.

FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS,$4,000.

- SO YOU'RE OFFERING$7,000?

DO YOU WANT TO CALLYOUR PARENTS FIRST?

- NO WAY AM I GONNAOFFER YOU $7,000.

I RUN A RACE TEAM,I'VE GOT OVERHEAD,

I'VE GOT TRANSPORTERSTO GET TO THE TRACK,

AND I'VE GOT CUSTOMERS THAT RELYON ME. I CAN'T AFFORD--

- AND YOU GOT SPONSORSTHAT PAY FOR ALL THAT,

SO QUIT BLOWING SMOKEUP MY ASS.

- I DON'T KNOWWHERE THESE KARTS CAME FROM.

I DON'T EVEN KNOWIF THE BRAKES WORK.

IF THESE CHASSIS AND MOTORS

IN GOOD WORKING CONDITION,

I'LL OFFER YOU $5,000FOR THE PAIR.

- I LIKE THIS LITTLE JERK.HE REMINDS ME OF SOMEBODY.

- YEAH, REMINDS ME OF YOU.

- YOU HAVE SOME REAL POTENTIALHERE, CLEARLY.

WE'RE IMPRESSED.

- 6 GRAND.- NO WAY.

THEY'RE JUSTTOO UNKNOWN TO ME.

- 5,500.- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

IF I GET SOME BIGGER SEATSAND YOU GUYS ARE WILLING

TO TEST THEM OUT ON THE TRACK,WE COULD TALK.

WE SHOULD BE HITTINGAT LEAST 80 MILES AN HOUR.

IF WE'RE NOT, THE DEAL IS OFF.

- SO IF I CHOOSETO DRIVE THIS THING,

I HAVE TO GO AT 80 MILES AN HOURTO MAKE THE SALE?

- IF YOU WANT TO SELL THESE.

- I'M ALL ABOUT GOING FAST,BUT 80 MILES AN HOUR

IN A LITTLE THING LIKE THAT?[groans]

- HEY, DON'T WORRY, BRO.

IF YOU CRASH, IT'LL BEA SWIFT AND PAINLESS DEATH.

- THAT DOESN'TBRING ME COMFORT.

- IS THAT A DEAL?- 5,500.

- 5,500 BUCKS,BUT YOU CAN'T DECIDE

AT THE LAST MINUTETHAT YOU LIKE THEM SO MUCH,

YOU GET TO TAKE THEM HOME.

- DON'T WORRY, KID. WE'LL NEVERBE ANY COMPETITION FOR YOU.

- THAT'S A DEAL.- ALL RIGHT.

- ALL RIGHT, GUYS.YOU READY TO GO

HAVE SOME FUNIN THESE GO-KARTS?

- OH, YEAH.- I GUESS.

- ALL RIGHT.LET'S DO IT.

[countdown beeps]

[rock music]

- WHOO!

YEAH!- WHOO!

- DUDE, WAS THAT FUN OR WHAT?- OH, THESE ARE BADASS.

- I KNOW, DUDE,BUT WE'RE NOT KEEPING THEM.

LET THE KID HAVE HIS TOYS,ALL RIGHT?

WE GOT BIGGER FISH TO FRYANYWAYS, BACK AT THE SHOP.

DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.WE'LL DO THE DEAL, 5,500.

SEE THAT?WITH MY NEGOTIATING TACTICS

AND YOUR KNUCKLE-DRAGGINGKNOW-HOW,

DUDE, WE AREAN UNSTOPPABLE TEAM.

- AND THAT'STHE KIND OF FUN I MISSED.

IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK,BROTHER.

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