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U-F-Oh-No!!

Jasmine fixes a bad celebrity tat, Gus gets rid of the wrong number, and Tommy covers a close encounter.

- ALL RIGHT, GIRL,

YOU GOT TO TELL ME HOW YOU ENDEDUP WITH A 69 ON YOUR BACK.

- I WAS RAISED BY REALLY STRICTCATHOLIC PARENTS.

THEY WOULDN'T LET MEGO TO PARTIES

AND WOULDN'T LET MEWEAR MAKEUP.

I DIDN'T GO TO CHURCH.I DIDN'T BELIEVE IN GOD.

- [grunts]

- THEY WOULDN'T LET ME DATE.

- SWEET BIRDIE.

SUCH A SWEET BIRDIE.

- AND I SECRETLY DATED GUYSMY PARENTS DIDN'T APPROVE OF.

- SWEETIE?

- OH, WE HAVESUCH A GOOD DAUGHTER.

OH...

- ONE NIGHT I WAS READINGMY HOROSCOPE,

AND IT SAID TO STOPLETTING FIGURES CROWD MY SPACE

AND THEN TO EMBRACEMY ZODIAC IDENTITY.

- OH, STOP CROWDING ME!

I NEED MY SPACE!

I KNEW I HAD TO FOLLOWMY HOROSCOPE,

AND I FOUND A PLACETO MOVE INTO.

I WAS TURNING 18.IT WAS TIME.

- CAN I--CAN I SEE THIS?

- HE GRABBED MY LEASE AGREEMENTAND RIPPED IT UP.

- DADDY, WHY ARE YOU TEARING UPMY LEASE?

I CALLED MY SECRET BOYFRIEND.

- DID YOU WHISTLE, GIRL?

- MY DAD SEES HIMPICKING ME UP.

HE'S RUNNING AFTER USWITH A BAT.

- BYE, DADDY!

- HONEY, YOU HAVE TO SAVE HERFROM SIN!

- COME BACK HEREWITH MY DAUGHTER, YOU!

- I HOP IN THE CARAS FAST AS I CAN.

MY BOYFRIEND TOOK METO A BACKYARD BARBECUE

TO CELEBRATE MY NEW FREEDOM.

- TO HER FIRST DAY OF FREEDOM!

[cheering]

- THERE WAS A GUY AT THE PARTYTHAT WAS FRESH OUT OF JAIL

THAT WAS GIVING TATTOOS.

- OH, LOOK AT ME!I'M LIVING ON MY OWN!

I'M GETTING TATTOOEDBY A PRISONER.

[laughs]

- I WAS SO DRUNK AND HIGH,

I BARELY EVEN REMEMBERGETTING THE TATTOO.

A FEW DAYS LATER,MY PARENTS SAW MY TATTOO,

AND THEY STARTED FREAKING OUT.

- THAT SOUNDS LIKE HE CAN GETINTO A LOT OF TROUBLE,

SO LET'S MAKE SURE WE CAN GETTHIS THING TAKEN OFF YOU, HUH?

- YES.

- SO HOW DID YOU GET THIS MESS?

- WHEN I WAS YOUNG,I WAS A HUGE FAN

OF THE R&B SINGER ADINA HOWARD.

SO, LIKE, YEARS LATER, YOU KNOW,I'M A PHOTOGRAPHER,

AND I WAS INTERVIEWINGWITH A CLUB OWNER

ABOUT DOING, LIKE,A BIRTHDAY PARTY.

HE'S LIKE, "MY SPECIAL GUESTOF THE EVENING

IS GONNA BE ADINA HOWARD,"AND I'M LIKE--

- SO NOW YOU GETTO ACTUALLY MEET HER.

- YEAH!

AND I WAS JUST, LIKE, ECSTATIC.

- I'LL BE MR. ADINA HOWARD!

- LIKE, I TOTALLY WANTEDTO DO SOMETHING TO STAND OUT,

SO I WAS LIKE, "I'M GONNA GETA TATTOO OF HER

WITH THE WORDS'MY BLACK MARILYN MONROE.'"

YEAH, I DECIDED, LIKE, YOU KNOW,WHAT BETTER WAY

TO, LIKE, SHOW HER THAT SHE HADTHAT SWAG TO HER THAT, YOU KNOW,

THAT THIS YOUNG BOYJUST COULDN'T GET ENOUGH OF?

SO...- [laughs]

- SO I ONLY HAD, LIKE, A FEWHOURS TO GET THIS TATTOO DONE,

SO I FOUND THIS GUYON THE INTERNET.

AT THE TIME, I THOUGHTI WAS GOING TO AN ACTUAL STUDIO,

BUT WHEN I GET THERE,I REALIZE THAT IT'S A HOUSE.

- UGH...

- BUT, YOU KNOW, I HAD TO FINDSOMEBODY THAT WAS AVAILABLE.

WHEN HE WAS DONE, LIKE,I RUSHED OUT.

- AH, I'M HELLA LATE.I GOT TO GO.

- HEY, MAN, NO TIP?

- I BRIEFLY LOOKEDAT THE TATTOO,

AND I REALIZE THAT THERE WASSOME DISCREPANCIES,

BUT I HAD NO TIMETO EXAMINE THE WORK.

- YOU SHOULD'VE KNOWN THAT THEREWAS SOMETHING UP WITH THAT.

- YO, SO THAT NIGHT,ADINA, LIKE, KILLED IT,

AND AT THE END OF HER SET...

- HEY, ADINA, MISS HOWARD.

- I SHOWED HER MY TATTOO.- LOOK AT THEM BUTT CHEEKS.

- I KNEW IT WAS BAD, BUT SHE,LIKE, TOTALLY LOVED IT,

FROM THE IMPRESSION I GOT.

- MAN, OKAY, WAS IT DARK?WAS IT A CLUB?

- IT WAS DARK.IT WAS...

[laughs]- YEAH, COME ON.

- IT WAS UNDER-LIT.- KEEP IT REAL.

- I'M SURE IT LOOKS GOOD.

- SO, LIKE, A FEW DAYS LATER,SHE SENT ME A DIRECT MESSAGE

ON TWITTER, SAYING SHE WANTEDTO SEE THE TATTOO.

I WAS SO EXCITED,BUT I WAS NERVOUS, BECAUSE...

- IT LOOKS LIKE MY GRANDMOTHER.

- I KNEW THAT THE TATTOO DOESN'TLOOK NOTHING LIKE ADINA HOWARD.

- SAY "CHEESE," ADINA.

- BUT, YOU KNOW,I STILL SENT HER THE PHOTO

BECAUSE I WANTED HERTO STILL CORRESPOND WITH ME.

- AND WHAT'D SHE SAY?

- I AIN'T HEAR NOTHINGFROM ADINA.

- HIT ME BACK, ADINA.COME ON, BABY, HIT ME BACK.

AH, MAN.

- I DIDN'T EVEN GETA SMILEY FACE.

- WHAT?[laughs]

THAT'S HORRIBLE.

[laughs]

- AND I WAS JUST LIKE,"I'M SOMEBODY'S PUNCH LINE."

LIKE, PEOPLE SEE IT,THEY LAUGH.

AND I JUST REALLY FELT LIKE,YOU KNOW, THIS TATTOO, LIKE,

BACKFIRED IN MY FACE.

- YEAH, IT DID BACKFIRE.

- ALL RIGHT, YOU ARE DONE.

- YOU'RE KIDDING ME.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MY TATTOO.

I DON'T WANT MY HUSBAND TO BEGETTING INTO FIGHTS WITH GUYS.

IT'S TIME FOR ME TO PUT THE PASTBEHIND ME AND START FRESH.

- ARE YOU READY?- YEAH.

- ARE YOU SURE?- YEAH.

- CHECK IT OUT.

- OH, MY GOD!

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

OH, MY GOSH.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, GUS.

MY TATTOO LOOKS AMAZING.

IT'S LIKE A PHOTO,AND IT LOOKS SO REAL.

THAT FROG JUST CATCHES YOUR EYE,JUST, LIKE, FULL OF LIFE.

OH, MY GOSH.

- THE COVER-UP IS PRETTY MUCHIN THE BELLY

IN THE TEXTUREOF THE FROG HERE.

IN ORDER FOR ME TO MAKETHIS TATTOO WORK TODAY,

I REALLY HAD TO USE THE SAMEBLUE THAT SHE HAD IN THAT OLD 69

AND PLACE IT INTO MY NEW IMAGE.

THOSE TWO CIRCLESSTARING RIGHT AT YOU--

I HID THEM IN THE TEXTUREOF THE SKIN OF THE FROG.

AND THAT SCARRING--I MADE ITGO IN THE SAME DIRECTION

AS MY BACKGROUND.

- THIS IS GONNA CHANGE MY LIFEDRAMATICALLY.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- YOU'RE WELCOME.

YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.

- IT MEANS A LOT TO ME

TO NOT HAVE TO LIVE,YOU KNOW,

WITH THIS BURDENON MY SHOULDERS,

TO ALWAYS HAVE TO WONDERWHAT PEOPLE THINK.

MY HUSBAND IS GONNA BE ELATED,

AND MY PARENTSARE GOING TO BE SO HAPPY.

FINALLY, I'M GOING TO BE ABLE TOMOVE ON FROM THIS BAD DECISION

THAT I MADE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER.

FINALLY!

OH, MY GOD!

- ALL RIGHT, I AM FINISHED.

- REALLY?

- YES, BUT DON'T LOOK.

- I'M JUST LOOKINGFOR REDEMPTION.

I'M LOOKINGTO REESTABLISH MYSELF.

AND, QUITE FRANKLY, I NEEDTO GET THIS TATTOO COVERED UP

SO PEOPLEWON'T LOOK AT ME AWKWARD.

- ARE YOU READYTO SEE YOUR TATTOO?

- YEAH.- THIS TOOK A LOT OF WORK.

- I APPRECIATE IT.

- I'M GONNA MOVE OUT THE WAY.- ALL RIGHT.

DUDE, THIS IS SICK!

ARE YOU FOR REAL?

IS THAT FOR REAL?- IT'S FOR REAL.

- DUDE, SHE'S NO LONGER HERE.

THIS TATTOO IS, LIKE,THE DOPEST THING EVER.

THE CAMERA LOOKS SO REALISTIC

THAT I CAN WALK AROUNDWITH SELF-RESPECT AGAIN.

JASMINE DID A FANTASTIC JOB.

INCREDIBLE.

LIKE, I WENT FROMA BEAT-UP PORTRAIT

TO, LIKE, A DOPE CAMERA.

YOU PUT ALL MY OTHER TATTOOSTO SHAME.

[both laugh]

- WHAT I HAD TO DO WAS,MAKE SURE THAT THE WRITING,

THE HEAD, AND PART OF THE BODYWAS COVERED UP IN THE CAMERA,

WHICH IS BLACK.

THE BOTTOM WRITING WAS COVEREDUP BY THE STRAP OF THE CAMERA.

THEN I MIRRORED THOSE LINESTO INCORPORATE THE NEW TATTOO.

- THAT'S FREAKING AWESOME.WOW.

- HOW DO YOU FEEL, BRO?

- DUDE,I'M ON CLOUD NINE, MAN.

I CAN ACTUALLY WALK AROUNDWITH A SHORT SLEEVE AGAIN.

THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN.

NOW WHEN PEOPLE SEE THIS TATTOO,THEY'RE GONNA BE JEALOUS.

I THINK WHEN ADINA HOWARDSEES THIS TATTOO,

SHE WILL WANT TO WORK WITH ME.

WHOO!

DUDE, THIS IS DOPE.

THANK YOU, TATTOO NIGHTMARES.BAM!

- THAT THING IS DOPE.

- YEAH, BOO,VERY BEAUTIFUL TATTOO.

- THANK YOU.THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- YOU KILLED IT, SIS.

- HOW DO WE DO IT?

- [laughs]

NO, YOU GUYS WERE DOINGPATTY-CAKE JUST NOW.

[laughter]

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