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Hatchet Girl

Gus confronts a gory tattoo, Tommy battles a satanic symbol, and Jasmine saves a man from bullying.

- ALL RIGHT, GIRL.

HOW DID YOU END UPWITH THIS THING?

- I TOLD YOU, IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

I WAS A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL.

MY PARENTS SAID I COULD HAVE

A PARTY FOR MY 18TH BIRTHDAYAS LONG AS THEY WERE THERE.

WE'RE KINDOF A CONSERVATIVE FAMILY,

SO THEY HAD TO SUPERVISE.

I'D JUST STARTED DATINGTHIS ASPIRING TATTOO ARTIST.

FOR MY 18TH BIRTHDAY,HE TOLD ME...

- I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

IT'S IN MY PANTS.

RIGHT?

- I WAS EXCITED,AND MY ENDORPHINS WERE PUMPING.

I WAS READY.SO I HAD TO HAVE MY BEST FRIEND

KIND OF DISTRACT MY PARENTS.

- WHOA![applause]

- WE END UP GOINGIN THE BEDROOM.

- SO, BABE, WHAT DO YOU WANTFOR YOUR TATTOO?

- I ACTUALLY COLLECTEDMARIONETTES, SO HE TOLD ME THAT,

OKAY, YEAH, I'LL GIVE YOU, LIKE,A MARIONETTE

THAT'S KIND OF LIKE YOU...

- BUT I'M GONNA KIND OF DOMY OWN THING ON IT,

SO I DON'T WANT YOUTO LOOK UNTIL IT'S DONE.

ALL RIGHT?- I TOTALLY TRUSTED HIM.

HE ACTUALLY HAD ONEOF HIS FRIENDS HOLD UP A SHIRT

SO I COULDN'T SEE MY TATTOOWHILE HE WAS DOING IT.

BUT 45 MINUTES AFTER,IT WAS DONE.

AND IT WAS TIME FOR, YOU KNOW,THE BIG REVEAL.

SO EVERYBODY GATHERED AROUND...

all: THREE, TWO, ONE!

- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABE!

- [screaming]

OH, MY GOD!WHAT DID YOU DO?

GET OUT!- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABE!

- I KICKED EVERYBODYOUT OF MY HOUSE.

HE KILLED MY MARIONETTE DOLL ANDCHOPPED OFF SOME OF HER LIMBS.

- DAMN!

THAT'S SOME SERIAL KILLER STUFFRIGHT THERE, MAN.

- MY PARENTS HEARD MESCREAMING...

- OH, MY LITTLE GIRL.

- IT'S A MARIONETTEON HER PERIOD!

[all weeping]

- AND THEY GROUNDED METILL GRADUATION.

- OH, MY GOD, GIRL.

- AND I CAN'T BE SCARING LITTLEKIDS WITH A DEAD GIRL ON ME.

- YOU NEED TO GET IT COVERED UP.

- CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME HOWTHE HELL YOU GOT THIS TATTOO?

- I HAD ALWAYS KIND OF BEENPICKED ON, BULLIED.

- WET WILLIE!- OH, WET WILLIE!

GROSS!

SEE YOU GUYS TOMORROW.

PURPLE NURPLES?WEDGIES?

YOU NAME IT.- YOU GOT TO MAN UP, BRO.

- I DECIDED I'M TIREDOF BEING BULLIED.

SO MY ROOMMATE, WHO'S COVEREDIN TATTOOS IS LIKE, "HEY, MAN.

"YOU'VE GOT TO GET SOME TATTOOSTO BE TOUGH.

"COME ON, DUDE.I GOT A TATTOO ARTIST

"THAT'S DOING THEMOUT OF HIS APARTMENT,

"AND HE'S EVEN WILLING TO TRADE.

IT'S PERFECT.HE WANTS, LIKE, A NICE TOOLBOX."

- WELL, THIS OUGHT TO WORK.

- SOLID, BRO.BOOM.

- SO WE DRIVE OVERTO THIS GUY'S HOUSE,

AND I'M SITTING ON THE COUCHWITH THESE FOUR BIG ASS DUDES.

AND THEN I WAS LIKE,"HEY, MAN, YOU KNOW,

I GOT YOUR TOOLBOX HERE."

AND HE KIND OF JUST LOOKED AT ITIN DISGUST.

- WHAT IS THIS DOUCHE BAGTOOLBOX YOU'RE BRINGING ME, BRO?

- HE JUST LOOKED AT ITIN DISGUST

AND WALKED BACKINTO THE ROOM.

SO MY ROOMMATE FOLLOWS HIM.

I HEAR HIM, LIKE,"WHAT IS THAT?

"THAT AIN'T A TOOLBOX.

THAT'S NOTWHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT."

AND HE'S LIKE,"NO, DUDE, IT'S GOOD, IT'S GOOD.

HE'S LIKE, "NO,THAT'S BULL[bleep]."

YOU KNOW, RIGHT THENI DON'T WANT TO GET TATTOOED.

YEAH, I'M STILL REAL UNEASY,BUT I SIT DOWN.

I'M LIKE, "ALL RIGHT.LET'S DO THIS."

- ALL RIGHT, WEIRDO.

WHAT ARE WE DOINGWITH YOUR WEIRD FACE?

- AND I'M LIKE,I WOULD LIKE, YOU KNOW,

THE TRINITY SYMBOLON MY LEFT SHOULDER

IN, LIKE, BLACK AND GREEN.

MAN, THAT FIRST LINE HE HIT ME,OH, GOD, IT HURT SO BAD.

HE'S JUST DIGGING,AND I START GETTING COLD.

AND I START SWEATING.

I START FEELING KIND OF DIZZY.

- I THINK I'M GONNA PASS OUT.

- [bleep].- EVERYTHING GOES BLACK.

WAKE UP, JUDY...

POW!guys: OH!

- DUDE SMACKS MEACROSS THE FACE.

- YOU JUST BITCH-SLAPPED ME,MAN.

- AND I LOOK AT IT,AND I'M LIKE,

"WHAT IS THIS BLUE AND PURPLEGIRLIE [bleep]?"

AND HE'S LIKE, "AH, I RAN OUTOF BLACK INK."

I LOOK OVER, AND THERE'S A FULLBOTTLE OF BLACK ON HIS TABLE.

- HE DID THAT [bleep]ON PURPOSE.

I HOPE YOU CALLED HIM OUT.- I DID, I CALLED HIM OUT.

AND THEN HE LOOKS AT ME,HE'S LIKE...

- OOPS, MY BAD.

- YOU NEED TO FIXTHIS [bleep], MAN.

- OH, YEAH, DOUCHE BAG?

JOEY, SMASH HIS TEETH OUTOF HIS MOUTH.

- AND RIGHT AT THAT TIME,A FRIEND PICKS UP

ONE OF THOSE WRENCHESAND SWINGS AT ME.

[overlapping chatter]

I DUCK...

- [screams]

[bleep].COME ON, MAN.

- ROOMMATE GRABS MEAND DRAGS ME OUT.

IT PISSES ME OFF, AND I'VE HADTO LIVE WITH THIS FOREVER.

AND EVERY TIME I LOOK AT IT,I KIND OF RELIVE THAT NIGHT.

- I MEAN, I CAN TOTALLYUNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE

TRAUMATIZED, AND WE NEED TO GETTHIS THING COVERED.

- THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

- ALL RIGHT, MY MAN.YOU ARE DONE.

YOU EXCITED?- FREAKED, TOMMY.

WANT TO SEE THIS THING, MAN.

IF I COULD STILL SEE THE SATANICSYMBOL THROUGH THIS COVER-UP,

MY MOM'S GONNA BEVERY UPSET.

I'M OUT OF OPTIONS,AND SO IS SHE.

- I'M GONNA STEP ASIDEAND TAKE A LOOK, DUDE.

- ALL RIGHT.LET'S DO IT.

DAMN, TOMMY.

OH, MY GOD.

I LOVE IT, TOMMY.CRAZY.

YOU OUTDID YOURSELF.

WHEN I LOOK AT IT,I DON'T SEE IT.

- AWESOME, MAN.

- I DON'T SEE IT,

SO HOW'S SOMEBODY ELSEGONNA SEE IT?

- NO ONE'S GONNA SEE THAT.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH, MAN.

I LOOK AT THIS TATTOO,AND I'M JUST LIKE, WHOA!

TOMMY PULLED IT OFF.ALL THE COLORS ARE THERE.

IT POPS RIGHT OFF MY ARM.THERE'S NO MORE SATANIC TATTOO.

IT'S AMAZING.

- THE CRAZIEST PART OF THISWAS THAT LETTERING.

- YEAH.- SO THAT'S ALL HIDDEN

IN THIS SHADOW UP HERE.

WITH STEVE'S TATTOO, I HADTO USE AN ARCHITECTURAL DETAIL

TO CAMOUFLAGE THAT SCARRINGSO YOU'LL NEVER SEE IT.

I ALSO RAN A LOT OF DRAMATICCOLORING THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE

TATTOO SO YOUR EYE WANDERSAND DOESN'T GET CAUGHT UP

ON THAT SHADOW.

- TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.- BE SAFE IN YOUR TRAVELS.

- HOPEFULLY I SEE YOUAROUND LONG ISLAND, YOU KNOW?

- ABSOLUTELY, DUDE.NOW THAT STEVE'S

GOT THIS TATTOO COVERED UP,MAYBE HIS MOM COULD REST ASSURED

THAT HER SONIS NOT A SATANIC WORSHIPPER.

- AHA!

- ALL RIGHT, GIRL.WE'RE DONE!

- AT THIS POINT,I'M JUST SO NERVOUS.

IF THIS NEW TATTOO DOESN'T WORKOUT, I'M GONNA HAVE TO DO

LIKE HATCHET GIRL AND CUT OFFMY OWN FOOT.

I AM SO READY TO HAVE A TATTOO

THAT'S NOT GONNA GIVE ANYBODYNIGHTMARES.

- SO ARE YOU READYTO SEE THIS THING?

- I THINK I'M READY.- ARE YOU SURE?

- I'M NERVOUS.- PUT YOUR LEG UP THERE

SO YOU CAN CHECK THIS THING OUT,SWEETIE.

- OKAY.

OH, MY GOD!

- WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- IT'S BEAUTIFUL.- AWESOME.

- I'M JUST IN COMPLETE SHOCK.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT BIG GUSPULLED IT OFF,

'CAUSE IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

AND I WAS JUST SO AMAZEDTHAT HE CHANGED IT

SO MUCH TO SOMETHINGI COULD BE PROUD OF.

HE CAPTURED MY REAL LOVEOF ASTRONOMY.

[sniffling]

- HER HEAD WAS RIGHTWHERE THE CYLINDER IMAGE IS AT.

AND THEN HER LEGSCAME DOWN HERE.

TO FIX BRITTANY'S TATTOO, I HADTO SPREAD OUT THAT TURQUOISE

EVENLY THROUGHOUTTHE WHOLE PIECE.

AND THE HATCHET GIRL IS HIDDENWITHIN THE BASE OF THE TELESCOPE

THAT'S HIDDEN WITHINTHE ELEMENTS OF THE SUNDIAL

SO THATYOU'LL NEVER KNOW IT WAS THERE.

- WOW, MAN.- THAT'S AWESOME.

- I'M SURE THE KIDS WOULD LOVETO SEE THAT ONE.

- OH, YEAH.- NO MORE SCARING KIDS.

- NO MORE, I PROMISE.- NO MORE.

THEY'LL FEEL LIKEYOU'RE LIKE THE HOMIE.

- THANK YOU, GUS.WITH THIS NEW COVER-UP,

I DON'T HAVE TO BE WORRIEDABOUT SCARING

MY STUDENTS ANYMORE.

I DON'T HAVE TO BE SCAREDFOR MY JOB.

AND I FEELLIKE THAT 18TH BIRTHDAY PARTY

DIDN'T EVEN HAPPEN.

- IT JUST GOES TO SHOW, YOUNEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER.

- SCHOOLTEACHER, HUH?- IT'S CRAZY.

SCHOOLTEACHER'S GOT SOME FLAVA!

COME ON.LET'S GET OUT OF HERE, MAN.

[laughter, chatter]OH, MY GOSH.

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