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Posted April 25, 2009 | 8 comments

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The Top Seven Worst Bands That Hipsters Love

Hipsters seem to love getting to things before everybody else just so they can say that they were ahead of the game. They never want to admit that they haven’t heard of a random thrift store, a particular piece of art, or some random indie film. Music has always been the worst though. I feel bad for artists that get placed on this unbelievably high pedestal by neon flannel-wearing douchebags, but I refuse to let these fools get away with this crap.


7. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

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Source: Gary Miller/Getty Images

If it was the ‘80s this band would have been filed under the one-hit wonder category. The reason why I say this is because they really only have one decent song and were very overblown in terms of talent, sound, and songwriting ability. I am, of course, talking about the song "Upon This Tidal Wave of Young Blood" by the way.

If you can actually get through an entire CYHSY record without stabbing yourself in the ears with a rusty screwdriver due to the lead singer’s skin-curdling vocals, you are a better man than I. I’m all for David Byrne-like vocals, but this dude Alec Ounsworth just ain’t cuttin’ it. The band recently performed on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and it was awful. The vocals were a joke and the song was average, at best.

6. Peter Bjorn and John

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Source: Tim Mosenfelder/Getty Images

If you're going to jump down my throat over this pick, you really need to ask yourself one question: Is this band actually good? Come on, you know the answer is "no."

I just saw these Swedish dudes at SXSW as well as Coachella recently and it was pretty bland to say the least. Their songs in particular are so boring it makes me sleepy just writing about them.

I gotta say what everyone is thinking though: “Young Folks” is a really good song. This aside, the band really doesn’t have anything else to fall back in terms of other solid material. There are a couple halfway decent tracks on their critically-acclaimed Writer's Block LP, but they are totally forgettable and not as mind-blowing as hipster die-hards have made them out to be. “Young Folks” is a perfect karaoke song and nothing more.

5. Times New Viking

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Source: Gary Wolstenholme/Getty Images

When I bought this record a while back I thought I knew what I was getting into. I thought the LP would be filled will some skillfully crafted lo-fi/no-fi tunes straight outta the city of Columbus, Ohio. What I got was a record that was almost unlistenable. Literally. There is so much distortion on the record that it’s overdriven to the point of being incomprehensible.

I’m all for that My Bloody Valentine/No Age sound that they try to pull off, but all the songs off of Times’ Rip It Off LP are just a jumbled mess.

Comments (8)
  • mklauschie
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    1. mklauschie Posted on Apr 25 '09 at 11:01 PM

    great article. honestly don't no much about any of these bands but still a great read. I hear you on the M.I.A.

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  • enjoymusic's Profile
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    2. enjoymusic Posted on Apr 28 '09 at 3:22 PM

    To the author,

    You have no idea what you are talking about... Try doing a little research about M.I.A's creative process before making the same assumptions that got p-fork and other blogs into trouble. She makes her own music with the help of switch, diplo, and others- not the other way around.

    Your idiotic hipster rant is incomplete without providing a better definition of hipster. I gather that you certainly do not consider yourself a hipster even though you pay attention to new music, name drop my bloody valentine, and can't help but mention that you made it out to SXSW and coachella. Get off your high fucking horse you elitist piece of shit. Go ahead and write articles differentiating yourself from ill-defined groups, but don't think for a second that you are superior.

    I'm sure you listen to the best music. You make no mistakes. Your taste is so original and eclectic. You hype new bands, but only after you have seen them live. You never buy into P-fork hype. Ohh yes, everyone else is so transparent...

    -Jacob

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  • zystudios's Profile
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    3. zystudios Posted on Apr 29 '09 at 10:54 PM

    Author,

    Despite what Jacob said I thank you for steering me clear of this crap that no-talent musician wannabes are producing. It's tough to be a musician and write music for a population that doesn't want to listen. It's also tough to go to a show and see people on stage who can't play their instruments and you're just in the crowd. I think people should be more critical of music thus creating better musicians. I mean the best music was written hundreds of years ago not hundreds of seconds ago.

    Z

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  • thatguyky's Profile
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    4. thatguyky Posted on May 10 '09 at 10:56 AM

    I went and checked out every act on this list and everyone of them suck. These are some of the worse musical acts I have ever heard.

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  • txdude's Profile
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    5. txdude Posted on May 20 '09 at 9:32 PM

    you should do a top 100...trust me they are out there

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  • heybett's Profile
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    6. heybett Posted on May 26 '09 at 7:22 AM

    ooo very good...

    www.orjinaltala.net

    www.bitkiselada.com

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  • humpitydumpity's Profile
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    7. humpitydumpity Posted on Jun 19 '09 at 9:34 AM

    Jacob - I absolutely agree with every word you say. It's fine to not like certain bands, but then you have to go and label them "hipster," which is really just fucking stupid, because like you said, "hipster" is a very ill-defined term, generally referring to 20-something college kids who like indie bands. It's just like "metalheads" except for some reason there are usually negative connotations to the word "hipster." Understandable, because they do come off as pretentious, but there are pretentious people in every genre. I've met many metalheads and some of them are the most pretentious fucks I've met. So it's stupid to just limit the whole pretentiousness thing on just "hipsters."

    And this dude who wrote the article seems quintessentially "hipster" himself, which is pretty fucking ironic.

    But anyway, my main gripe with this is that by slapping on the "hipster" label on this article, you are giving those who are less-informed about "hipster" music an idea that all "hipster" music is bad, which is false. Take bands like Radiohead, Sigur Rós, and I could go on, they are fucking amazing bands. And it pisses me off that people like zystudios and thatguyky just went along with what you said, and I doubt they barely listened to a song by each band.

    But anyway, my final message is this: ignore fucking labels like "hipster" or whatever other fucking labels douchebags use to obtusely refer to music. There are good things in every genre (and "hipster" isn't even a fucking genre anyway), and you shouldn't turn anything away just because said douchebags label it what it is. There are hidden gems in all types of music. Be more open-minded, essentially.

    I'm sorry, I realize this may have been rambling a bit.

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  • SpoiltVictorianChild's Profile
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    8. SpoiltVictorianChild Posted on Sep 21 '09 at 5:27 AM

    Top Seven Worst Bands Enjoyed by dsussman:

    7. Hatebreed
    6. Lady Gaga
    5. Muse
    4. Eminem
    3. Rancid
    2. T.I.
    1. Asher Roth

    That, plus the photo with the hilariously ironic mustache, sort of speak for themselves.

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