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Posted April 17, 2009 | 14 comments

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The Top Seven Artists About To Expire

Artists come and go, but it’s truly hard to tell who is gonna stick around and who will actually stand the test of time. There are so many big acts out there that think they’re going to stay on top forever, but we’re here to burst that big ole blubbery bubble with a very sharp spike.

7. Lady Gaga

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Source: Chris Gordon/Getty Images

Any person that feeds off of attention as bad as Gaga does will eventually spiral out of control and cease to be significant in the music game.

Even though Gaga is on top of the charts as we speak, the growing hatred for her online and elsewhere is a force not to be ignored. Even if you like her music, you can’t deny that everything she does is a tad over-the-top and all for the love of attention. Gaga is also not as talented as her fans make her out to be. I understand this pop art revival, but these cheesy white chicks really need to stop trying to be Grace Jones. My crystal ball is showing me that Gaga (a.k.a. Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta) will lose it all by the end of the year. And for a 23-year-old chick, mama looks like she’s 45. That just won’t cut it in the pop world.

6. Madonna

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Source: John Shearer/Getty Images

With ridiculous ticket prices to her overrated live shows and underwhelming album releases, Madonna’s expiration date is pretty much past due.

As I've said many times before, this over-the-hill attention whore needs to stop trying to be controversial and realize that her time is done. Madonna needs to understand that she is no longer relevant and that the world is officially immune to her childish mind games. She’s like an aging magician who is all out of tricks and tries to disguise old illusions as if they were brand new. Madonna needs to step down from her pop star horse and realize that she’s a 50-year-old woman still trying to act like she’s 21. Mark my words: Madonna is finished.

5. Miley Cyrus

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Source: Jewel Samad/Getty Images

With dumbass comments about not being able to meet Radiohead at the Grammys and having the most annoying personality in popular music, it’s only a matter of time before Miley Cyrus is finally ignored by her Disney followers and gets thrown into the "where are they now" pile.

First off, I am so damn tired of hearing people say that this girl has talent. She’s a karaoke singer at best. There is nothing about Miley that makes her unique as an artist. She’s f***ing white bread. I would rather listen to Anne Murray and play bridge than listen to Miley sing over another soulless putrid pop disaster. She also kinda has a man voice...that will no doubt deepen over time.

The Miley invasion must be stopped!

4. Akon

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Source: Victor Chavez/Getty Images

I can’t take anymore of this no-talent assclown. Every single song Akon puts out sounds exactly the same. It’s just him tellin’ some chick that he loves her through a repetitive chorus and lyrics that sound like they were written by my 8-year-old sister. (I guarantee he writes all of his lyrics in crayon, btw.)

After a few years of unbearable club songs and amateur pop productions, Akon’s time in the sun has to be nearing its end. Akon is a one-trick pony. Period. This will easily be his demise. The musical stars tell me that Akon will be soon dying a slow death on the charts because his fans will finally grow a brain and listen to real musicians that can actually play instruments and compose legitimate music.

I don’t care how many collaborations this guy does. It won’t save him from the inevitable.

Comments (14)
  • Piroki
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    1. Piroki Posted on Oct 20 '09 at 2:10 AM

    Soulja Boy Tell 'Em. Enough said.

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  • dos's Profile
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    2. dos Posted on Apr 22 '09 at 1:30 PM

    I DO AGREE THAT MADONNA'S EXPIRATION DATE HAS PASSED BUT DON'T YOU PUT MILEY IN ANYTHING NEGATIVE THAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. SHE IS CUTE, TALENTED AND SHE HAS A GREAT PERSONALITY SO WHY ARE YOU HATING.

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  • Sexyama
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    3. Sexyama Posted on Apr 20 '09 at 8:12 PM

    Nothing of value will be lost

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  • gunsmack's Profile
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    4. gunsmack Posted on Apr 19 '09 at 6:14 PM

    Umm, might just be me, but I don't see anything resembling an artist on this list.

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  • agk190's Profile
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    5. agk190 Posted on Apr 19 '09 at 3:16 PM

    Wow i never thought i would see an article that could describe it's writer any better. I mean just by reading this article you can tell that the writer is nothing more than a jealous asshole who that thinks his shit doesn't stink. Any body who would disrespect celebrities for no reason obviously does it because there jealous. This is because they don't have any talent, fame, or money. Broke bitch!! write about something better

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  • Heavymetalsmith.com's Profile
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    6. Heavymetalsmith.com Posted on Apr 19 '09 at 2:36 PM

    This is probably the gayest article spike has ever published... dude seriously it's like you hired a gay guy to hate on Madonna.. WHO CARES? The factthat you know this much about pop stars is FAIL

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  • kelsocanuck's Profile
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    7. kelsocanuck Posted on Apr 19 '09 at 1:27 PM

    The article is about musical artists ... Melissa from the bachelor isn't and how Can "Dancing With The Stars" be classified as an artist. Yes, you should be doing something else indeed.

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  • Ishouldbedoingsomethingelse's Profile
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    8. Ishouldbedoingsomethingelse Posted on Apr 19 '09 at 1:07 PM

    Melissa from the bachelor and DWTS should be there-not Gaga!!

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  • kelsocanuck's Profile
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    9. kelsocanuck Posted on Apr 19 '09 at 12:10 PM

    Also: This website is horrible it took me 3 tries to make the account and another 3 to post because it was too long and I guess between that and the hits this site "must"be getting it just couldn't handle it.

    50 Cent: I thought he was done after his first CD and when his video game bombed. This further supports my theory just because someone conceives it happening, doesn't mean it's going to happen. Just thought I would throw that out to the rocket scientist that wrote this.

    Brittany: I quote your own article "In the past year, we have all been witnessing the second coming of Ms. Britney Spears. Mama sobered up, got back into shape and hit the road for the larger-than-life Circus tour. This is the main reason why she will break down in the very near future and give up on music altogether." So just because someone has a rough (and arguably seedy) go and recovers from it doesn't mean they will crash and burn anytime soon, yes it happens but it's not a constant. I think you guys are just mirroring how your mom bounced in and out of AA like a rubber ball, sorry to hear about that by the way. Perhaps you should stop psycho-analyzing people whom you just see in the media.

    Chris Brown: You say Bobby Brown. I say T.I. (just got sentenced but still popular) and R.Kelly. I could prolly come up with more but at this point I feel if I make much more effort to argue your rather useless article it will seem like throwing a bucket of water at a lit match.

    Props to dcjroll and eic btw

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  • kelsocanuck's Profile
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    10. kelsocanuck Posted on Apr 19 '09 at 12:08 PM

    There maybe some truth behind this, but I think there is more opinions of one person or a group than the truth. I hate how articles are so definitive ... "About To Expire" it's not like you have a crystal ball people!

    Madonna; she has be around for years and people have been saying she is done for sometime, and yet this hasn't happened.

    Lady Gaga: Ok I can agree here but just because I agree doesn't make this article accurate.

    Miley Cyrus: Gee for a girl who is being guided by her father who has navigated the business before, has a fair number of songs out, has a tv and current hit movie and more product endorsements than some countries Olympic teams (I mean multiple countries combined). And think of her fan base, they are all growing older with her so as long as she doesn't go Brittany she doesn't have much to worry about. Actually never mind, Brittany went Brittany and she is still popular.

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  • EIC's Profile
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    11. EIC Posted on Apr 19 '09 at 12:30 AM

    How about a list of "Top 7 Sites That Should Just Give Up Trying to Write"? #1? Spike.com

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  • dcjroll's Profile
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    12. dcjroll Posted on Apr 19 '09 at 12:14 AM

    I completely disagree with this entire post. Once again, Spike provides a post that tries to call out celebrities that are currently all over the media and pulls completely irrelevant facts. Yes, Cyrus is completely overrated, and Spears is way past her prime, but stop making opinions and expecting everyone else to agree with them. Spike, you really are the worst. If anyone takes these accusations seriously, you have no self dignity.

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  • johndoreon's Profile
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    13. johndoreon Posted on Apr 18 '09 at 9:11 PM

    all but 7 dude

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  • accardim
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    14. accardim Posted on Apr 17 '09 at 12:25 PM

    Thanks! It was a good read...and I think Miley is the first to fall! She is the worst!

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