You would think if a song went to #1 on the charts it would have some kind of redeeming quality. Even if it wasn’t your favorite genre of music, I’m sure you could find one reason why everybody was raving about it so much. So how do songs that have no originality or creativity whatsoever hit it big with the masses? The only guesses are good, old-fashioned stupidity or poor taste.
10. "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley (1988)
I feel kinda bad for putting Rick on this list, but it’s pretty much impossible to deny that this is one of the most annoying songs of all time. The song and video are so bad that they became phenomenons, creating the classic Internet prank of Rick Rolling (sending someone a link to the video under the guise of something cool). Just thinking of Rick dancing to this 1988 train wreck makes my brain bleed. How can 11 countries allow this to happen? If I was President at the time I would have banned the song and forced our citizens to burn his records in the streets. Although Rick did put out a pretty killer metal album back in '95.
I wonder what Bill Hicks did the first time he heard this song? I assume he decided to dress in all black and force people to open their third eye.
9. "Batdance" by Prince (1989)
I love Prince to death, but this song is so dated it’s ridiculous. It nearly ruined Batman for me when I first saw it as a kid.
I still think that the only reason why this went to #1 on the charts was because the movie was so awesome. I refuse to believe people bought this tape and got their groove on to that crazy mechanical dance beat on a daily basis. How could you? This song is a complete mess. The Jack Nicholson audio samples, horrible keyboard solos, and crappy techno beat make me lose my lunch every time. Get the funk out!
8. "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin (1988)
Did this song even really need to exist? I just say we delete it from our minds and forget it forever. It isn’t even a real song to begin with; it’s just a guy trying to send me some unrealistic positive vibes through a catchy a cappella vocal performance.
Your crappy song won’t pay my rent Bobby!
7. “I Want It That Way" by Backstreet Boys (1999)
If the UK had the new wave of British heavy metal in the late ‘70s, the US definitely had the new wave of shi**y boy bands in the late '90s. Back then, a fat jackass by the name of Lou Pearlman introduced a slew of fresh-faced boys to desperate schoolgirls around the world. This move nearly killed popular music.
At the peak of this musical movement there was no boy band bigger than the Backstreet Boys. When these talentless puppets dropped “I Want It That Way” in 1999 it became a monster. The song set the record for most weeks at #1 on the Billboard Top 40 mainstream chart and broke the record for most radio station adds in its first week with 165.
I am so glad Lou Pearlman is going to jail for a million years.
6. "I’m Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred (1992)
In 1991, the bald English trio released their single, "I'm Too Sexy," which was a tongue-in-cheek dance song from the perspective of a vain male fashion model. Real creative. The song somehow went to number one on the charts in the United States and also went on to become a huge club hit around the world. Ugh.
The worst thing about this song has to be the lyrics...
I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me
I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts
And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan
New York and Japan
Really? The sheer fact that people spent their hard-earned dollars on this record is unbelievable. I’m really convinced that these douchebags had Corky from Life Goes On ghostwrite this for them. Die!
5. "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter (2006)
Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
I guess this means if I write a really sh***y song I can sell two million records. F*** this guy.
4. "Who Let the Dogs Out?" by Baha Men (2000)
I bet you when the Baha Men covered this abomination for the Rugrats in Paris movie in 2000 they had no idea that it would haunt them for the rest of their lives. I can’t even get through a football game without hearing that stupid barking chorus every five minutes. Not only was this song the fourth-biggest selling single of 2000 in the UK, it also nabbed a Grammy. I can’t believe I just typed that.
Watch if you dare…
3. "Wannabe" by Spice Girls (1997)
This craptacular "girl power" opus went to #1 on the charts in over 17 countries in 1996. I really hate it when untalented twats become millionaires overnight. Tear.
Let’s get down to brass tacks here. The group of Victoria Beckham, Melanie Brown, Emma Bunton, Melanie Chisholm and Geri Halliwell was just another shi**y pop group that offered the world a watered-down mix of hip-pop and hollow songwriting, put together by a manager with a Monkees-like marketing scheme. These ladies were no different than a bag of Doritos.
2. "Macarena" by Los Del Rio (1995)
Did you know that this Spanish classic is the second longest running #1 and the best selling debut single of all time in the US? Why do we love to torture ourselves?
Let me first say that I never even liked this song. Ever. Whoever enjoyed this pile of whale vomit was a complete fool. The dance sucks and so do the people who do it.
This song was also freakin’ impossible to escape. The residuals these guys must get from Bar Mitzvahs, wedding receptions, and sweet 16 parties must be outrageous. Maybe that’s how these idiots sold 11 million records worldwide.
I’m convinced that this is the HIV of pop songs. Once you contract it, the virus will never die. It’s stuck in my head right now. Arghhh!!
1. "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt (2005)
This is the worst song in the history of mankind. I hate this man.
Blunt’s 2005 hit "You're Beautiful" achieved widespread success in North America after debuting at 88 before reaching number one 17 weeks later. It remained number one for four consecutive weeks. His record Back to Bedlam has sold over 11 million albums worldwide. This goes to prove that Midwestern housewives should not be allowed to buy music. I’m done.
Why does it sound like his balls are clamped while he’s singing the song…
Side note: I thought about throwing in Soulja Boy’s “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” in here somewhere, but the explanations of this songs ultimate crappiness would have taken up the entire list. Sorry.
