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Posted October 08, 2009 | 8 comments

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The Top 10 Creepiest Commercial Mascots of All Time

Who says the only way to get a case of the creeps from your living room television is by tuning into old Twilight Zone episodes or staring directly into Nancy Grace's shrill Medusa-like face? Some of the most spine-twisting and stomach-churning moments don't happen on your favorite TV shows. They happen in between them.

Source: Palm, Inc.

By Danny Gallagher

10. Jack, the Jack in the Box CEO

image

Source: Jack in the Box Inc.

Clowns are scary enough on their own. They don't need image enhancements. They need a full-blown facelift with a shovel. But Jack takes coulrophobia to an untreatable level. It's a clown with a giant globe head with the most inhuman looking face on a human body since Gary Busey. And he's everywhere. Every commercial features him in some new setting doing something that only someone with an inordinate amount of power, money, and resources can do. So he's not only got the looks of pure evil, but the money and resources of pure evil. He's his own axis of evil.

9. The Palm Pre Chick

Palm Pre - My Phone Can Read My Mind

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Cell phone ads are supposed to convey a message of hope for the future, that new technologies will help usher in a new age of enlightenment and understanding. The only thing the Palm Pre ads convey for the future are a recurring series of night terrors and ruined bedsheets. And that's the way the ad agency likes it! Modernista, the agency that created the creepy girl ad campaign, said they love that so many people are talking about their ads. So apparently if you create an ad campaign that features elves being tossed into a wood chipper and everyone talks about it, then you've done a good job. That concept only works if the product you're selling are wood chippers. 

8. Ronald McDonald

image

Source: McDonald's

Only adults can smell evil. That's why one of the world's most iconic and beloved clowns by children slowly turns into one of its scariest the older you get. The McDonald's spokes-face has the kind of mug that even clowns find creepy, spends more time with a random group of rotating children than most public school teachers, and (worst of all) has the ability to control magic. So if you're on his set, don't badmouth the new Southern Style Chicken Sandwich when the cameras stop rolling or you'll turn that supposedly never-ending frown upside down and make you one of the 70 million who are literally served to his customers.

7. The Quiznos Singing Rodents

Quiznos - Sponge Monkeys

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Two genetic mistakes that appear to be rodents with bad teeth, even for street rats, singing about the joys and happiness that come from a discounted sub is a weird concept. But the design of these nightmare stars really sticks in your mind harder than a poorly thrown javelin. It's hard to imagine exactly what was running through the minds of the ad agency who came up with this ad concept. Then again, anyone who has ever been through college or Vietnam can probably guess.

6. Mr. Six, the Dancing Six Flags Guy

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Source: Six Flags, Inc.

Here's the challenge: your amusement park franchise is sinking. You need to make your customers feel as though they are welcome and taken care of when they enter your businesses. What do you do? The last answer to that question should be, "Prop up a creepy old guy who looks like everyone creepy old guy in every neighborhood in America in front of the camera who never talks and expresses every emotion possible through dance." Six Flags recently upgraded the creepiness factor by giving Mr. Six...(gasp!)...a voice! Now Hell officially has a new elevator music DJ.

Comments (8)
  • MR.B187's Profile
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    1. MR.B187 Posted on Oct 9 '09 at 10:14 AM

    1) There's somethin' not right with that guy and the talkin' oven.

    2) Who's bright idea was it to put tose no-singin'-ass rats on the Quizon's commercials?

    3) I always HATED clowns. Only thing that's worse is mimes.

    4) Bob won't be smilin' if he get a 4-hour erection. I know I wouldn't be.

    5) Why do people need mascots in the first place?

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  • SMoKiN_HoT_MoMMa
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    2. SMoKiN_HoT_MoMMa Posted on Oct 9 '09 at 6:35 PM

    OMG!!! They are so freaking funny though! Except for Ronald McDonald..... he scares me

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  • Niffer425's Profile
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    3. Niffer425 Posted on Oct 10 '09 at 9:08 AM

    OK, I have to admit that I like the Quiznos rats. But I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who sees the pure evil in the Jack in the Box guy. An ice cream cone head on a human body is a sign of end times. It's in the Bible somewhere. Look it up.

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  • Thor24's Profile
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    4. Thor24 Posted on Oct 11 '09 at 12:09 PM

    Dude, those are the spongemonkeys from rathergood.com!

    http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song

    The guy that created them lists creating the Quiznos commercial as a "big cult hit in the (United) States". Maybe if you define "big cult hit" as "creepy little song that makes me never want to eat another Quiznos' sub"...

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  • Thor24's Profile
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    5. Thor24 Posted on Oct 11 '09 at 8:25 PM

    By the way, I'm curious as to why Quiznos managed to make the list twice--including making the number one spot. Did someone have a bad Quiznos experience?!

    I'm just sayin'...

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  • cerberus1's Profile
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    6. cerberus1 Posted on Oct 12 '09 at 10:29 AM

    Umm.... Where's The King. The king belongs
    on this list as a warning to others!

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  • Thor24's Profile
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    7. Thor24 Posted on Oct 13 '09 at 9:07 PM

    Gotta agree with cerberus--one of The King commercials featured a man waking up in bed on what one assumes is a typical Saturday or Sunday morning next to "The King" offering him breakfast. I've had nightmares that began (and end) that way. Maybe if Danny didn't have such a thing against Quiznos...

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  • iggyflea1's Profile
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    8. iggyflea1 Posted on Nov 20 '09 at 8:54 AM

    I will never eat at Quizno's because of those damn creepy THINGS in the commmercials. I had to quickly scroll past the picture so I didn't have to look at them while reading. I am a huge horror fan, but nothing has ever creeped me out as much as those... whatever they are.

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