Unfortunately for us, there is no retirement home for aging musical stars that need to bow out and officially rock no more. It seems we have been forced to watch on as former golden gods travel the world playing mediocre shows for ridiculous sums when they actually should have called it quits a long time ago.
10. The Smashing Pumpkins/Billy Corgan
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A few years back, The Smashing Pumpkins had a die-hard fanbase ready to eat up an ultimate reunion tour as well as a new LP and they somehow disappointed everyone they crossed paths with. There just seems to be this invisible line that rock stars cross at a certain age and they are never the same again. This, of course, happened to Billy Corgan some time ago, and he has completely alienated himself from the fans that made him who he once was. Fans have even taken to the stage at recent live shows to vent their frustration.
The fact that Billy had to take out a full-page advertisement in the Chicago Tribune to announce the return of The Smashing Pumpkins should have been a serious warning that he takes himself, and his music, a little too seriously.
9. Chris Cornell
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After his mediocre recordings with Audioslave and horrible collaboration with Timbaland, it is now quite clear that Chris ain’t got it no more. I have no idea what happened to the guy on Badmotorfinger, but this new dude is now a soft rock punk who has lost his golden pipes and the knack for writing good songs. After I heard the super-poppy “Like a Stone," I knew it would be all down hill from there.
8. Poison
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This might be a curveball for some, but the retirement of one of the worst bands of the ‘80s would be a great message to all of the other hair metal bands that should be following in their footsteps. Just the idea of middle-aged metal men still putting on make-up and spandex gives me the creeps. It wouldn’t even be ironic fun to go see these guys live either. You would show up drunk and expect to make fun of these washed-up musicians, but you would just end up leaving depressed and feeling sorry for them.
7. Axl Rose
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Axl had his shot to redeem himself with Chinese Democracy and failed with flying colors. In my opinion, this should force him into an early retirement. We all gave the guy a chance to make up for years of band drama, endless recording sessions, and walking out on live shows. There is an infinite list of why Axl is no longer relevant in rock music and why no one needs to look at him as the frontman his was in the ‘80s and early ‘90s. It is very apparent now that Mr. Rose is not the same without his classic Guns lineup.
I have this sad feeling that Axl will get a residency in Vegas in the very near future.
6. Aretha Franklin
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After watching this woman lip-sync at the NBA finals a few years back and almost inhale an entire microphone at Barack’s inauguration, I have come to the conclusion that Aretha needs to take her final bow before she turns her legendary legacy into a giant pile of poo.
Aretha is no doubt the greatest female singer in the history of popular music, but it’s just not fair for the fans to have to sit through an endless string of subpar performances and odd outfit changes. Like many other people, I want to have that classic, immortal image of Ms. Franklin in my head without having her huge ass hat and unbearable live performances tainting me for the rest of my life.
