Some actresses age gracefully and seem to become more radiant over time. Other actresses are not so lucky. They hit their expiration date and go bad, and once they hit that point there’s no making the sour gallon of milk scrumptious again. These actresses keep getting cast in big movies, but it’s only a matter of time before Father Time catches up with them.
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10. Nicole Kidman
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Kidman was one of the sexiest actresses around for a long, long time – she’s kept her shiny gloss for nigh on twenty years now. And she’s probably aged better than anyone else on this list, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t gone past her "Use By" date. Her face has begun to look like an evil bubble, those beady little eyes bearing down on whomever dares draw near.
It’s easy to see why Tom Cruise would have grown tired of this uptight Aussie getting up in his grill every night. And after the bomb that was Australia, I think it’s clear that audiences are not drawn to her in droves anymore (were they ever?). Kidman works best now as a villain or a mom. She and Keith Urban deserve each other.
9. Teri Hatcher
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Teri Hatcher first came to our attention in Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman and a classic episode of Seinfeld in the mid-'90s. And she was pretty darn hot. Skinny, large-breasted, big eyes, and an even bigger smile...there really wasn't much not to like about her. Sure, her acting chops were never anything to write home about, but dang if she didn't know how to stand around and look pretty.
Oh, how times change. Though she continues her television work in Desperate Housewives, her days of hotness have most definitely come to an end. She got the skinny thing down, but then she kept getting skinnier. And skinnier, and skinnier, and skinnier, until we couldn't even remember what it was we liked about her so much to begin with. She now looks like a scary mix between Michael Jackson and the mummy of King Tut. This is not what we want to be looking at having affairs with the pool boy and the next door neighbor.
Someone get this woman a cheeseburger on the double.
8. Drew Barrymore
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Okay, let’s be honest: Drew Barrymore was never really all that hot. In fact, hot was never the appropriate adjective for her. She was cute as a little kid in E.T. and sometimes adorable in her twenties, and now…well, now she’s just another talking chubby face attached to a chubby body that should know better than to be projected on a giant movie screen.
The tragedy is that at 34, Barrymore doesn’t even come close to being old. But there are only so many romantic comedies she can foul up with that Batman chin of hers and that I’m-so-adorable-and-don’t-even-know-it voice that shreds your ears like a cheese grater. Enough is enough. Someone do the right thing and get this woman in the plus-size section of a JCPenney catalogue, stat!
7. Helen Hunt
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Helen Hunt was actually aging very gracefully for a while; she was lovelier with each successive film she starred in. The movies she chose weren’t always winners (What Women Want, Pay It Forward) but hell if she didn’t look good acting in them. In Castaway you really feel bad for Tom Hanks because of how bad fate screwed him over – he lost a damn fine woman!
And then along came anorexia. In the last film she starred in, Then She Found Me (also her directorial debut) she looked like an emaciated victim of malnutrition on the brink of death. The movie should have been called Then She Found My Skeleton Walking Around and Talking. Because that’s what it looked like was going on: a corpse had been reanimated and given some heartfelt lines to say. It was more than a bit frightening, and somewhat perplexing, that someone so intelligent would buy into the unattractive Hollywood fad of self-starvation.
6. Renee Zellweger
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Renee Zellweger has always walked the fine line between cute and hot, and usually fell on the side of cute. But these days she doesn’t fit in either. Her squinty-eyed circle of a face often seems like a pumpkin that’s been ham-handedly carved into a woman, and it’s not something most people care to spend too much time looking at.
It doesn’t help that she’s continually starring in stupid movies, or movies that she doesn’t really belong in. Leatherheads, Appaloosa, New in Town…none of these movies have done well and it doesn’t seem like an accident that she’s been the female lead in all three of them.
There was once a time when Zellweger’s cutesy, girl-next-door qualities were called for. And then the credits rolled at the end of Jerry Maguire.
