Apparently professional athletes, regardless of talent, always get the girl. Granted, it’s not exactly a secret that high-profile players always marry (and subsequently cheat on) beautiful women, but even the most irrelevant names in professional sports are taking home extremely attractive females.
Source: Victor Chavez/Getty Images
10. Hank Baskett (alleged NFL receiver)
Source: Michael Tran/Scott Boehm/Getty Images
In 2006, Hank Baskett was passed up 255 straight times in the NFL draft before signing as a rookie free agent with the Minnesota Vikings, and was then promptly traded in a blockbuster deal to the Philadelphia Eagles for Billy McMullen (who may or may not currently work at a local car wash). As a member of the Eagles, Baskett thrived in his “Can you make sure we have enough Gatorade on the sidelines” role before meeting a surgically-altered blonde named Kendra Wilkinson that would eventually dump her 83-year-old polygamist boyfriend and get impregnated (presumably by Baskett) just in time for the couple to film a reality show about moving to Philadelphia. Which turned out great, considering the Eagles cut him to make room for a third-string quarterback who was fresh off a two-year stint in federal prison for extreme animal abuse. If it seems tough to keep up, don’t worry. Disney will likely put a children’s movie together based on the story.
9. Tim Hasselbeck (five career touchdown passes, 63.6 quarterback rating, and one hell of a receding hairline)
Source: Djamilla Rosa Cochran/Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images
Sure, Elisabeth Hasselbeck is a horrible shrew with disturbing and dangerous opinions usually reserved for Irish dockworkers or people who brew their own moonshine, but boy does she look good spreading her patented brand of uninformed propaganda every morning. Even though she may be in bed with Satan (or at least Rush Limbaugh), she decided to marry her college sweetheart Tim Hasselbeck in 2002, just before he was asked to leave seven different professional football teams (one of which was in Europe) over a six-year span. Because if the roles were reversed, you know right when the professional athlete hit it big, the first thing they do is marry their college sweethearts.
8. Carl Pavano, Brad Penny, Russell Martin, Bary Zito, and Joe Torre (Possibly)
Source: Noel Vasquez/Joe Robbins/Getty Images
Alyssa Milano is more about quantity than quality, as evident by her impressive list of aging MLB veterans. Obviously, playing the daughter of a former baseball star on Who's the Boss prepared her for a life of locker room lust, but the way Milano has slept her way through ESPN's list of the most overpaid players in baseball without getting a single one of them to propose has been the talk of the Los Angeles free clinic. In fact, according to fake reports, Slutty Cleat Chaser Magazine has decided to honor Milano's Joe DiMaggio-esque streak of nailing marginally talented ball players and will name her Bleacher Bunny of the Year for 2009. And they said she would never be on top again after Poison Ivy II.
7. Cale Hulse (retired hockey player with 16 career goals)
Source: Dave Hogan/B. Bennet/Getty Images
This one isn’t just difficult to understand, quite frankly it’s dumbfounding. This is a guy whose one accomplishment was winning the Calder Cup trophy during a brief minor league stint with the Albany River Rats and hasn’t had a career milestone since "not getting injured" during the 2003 season as the least talented player on the Phoenix Coyotes roster. Hulse and Baywatch babe Gena Lee Nolan were married in 2004, despite athletes with actual talent still openly attracted to her. Nolan is still pursuing her career, while Hulse spends his days emailing old high school friends in Edmonton, Alberta asking “Dude, have you seen these pictures of my wife? Can you believe I’m married to that?”
6. Josh Booty (less accomplished brother of perennial NFL backup John David Booty)
Source: Tuukka Jannti/Stephen Dunn/Getty Images
What do seven career hits for the Florida Marlins get these days? Apparently, Rachel Reynolds - one of the hottest women ever to get fondled on stage by Bob Barker - and a lifetime of listening to your fiancée explain to people why she’s perfectly happy living with someone who peaked in high school.
