It was a long walk back to the dressing room after the fight. The doctor was there waiting on me, telling me I had to go to the hospital to get a CAT scan and stitches, letting me know they were giving me a medical suspension of 45 days. I was in no mood for that, and I know I was rude about it. I’ve known him for a while, but I don’t think I ever got his name. If he happens to read this, I would like to offer him my sincerest apology for my disrespectful behavior.
I was pissed off about the fight, f**king sad, f**king raging, on edge, all of it heavy with me, trying to maintain, trying not to explode. Camera men in my face, corner men, doctors, security, paramedics, friends, journalists, too many bodies crowding me, too many hands pulling me too many ways. I couldn't move, I couldn't breath, standing there afraid of the man that would come out if I lost control. I broke free, turned my back, stepped into the bathroom and closed the door. I tried to catch my breath in that small space, tried to calm down.
I took a moment to myself, then stepped out, talked to who I needed to talk to, signed what needed to be signed, and handled what needed to be handled.
The dressing room cleared, and I had another moment to myself. I was there gathering my things when Brad walked around the corner with a small hand held video camera. He understood where I was, and respectfully asked if he could have a moment to ask a few questions. I've known Brad for a little while. He's always seemed like a good guy. I had no idea where to footage would be used, there are so many cameras all the time. I wasn't paying so much attention to the camera. It was more like I was talking to a friend. I guess that's the footage that's been out on the internet. I haven't seen it.
Losing sucks. It’s been pretty tough the last couple of days. I’ve been keeping to myself. I haven’t felt like talking with anyone. I haven't seen anything about the fight. I know I looked really bad. I don’t need to see it, or hear about it to know that. I’ve been having some serious health problems for a while now. They’ve caused me some problems in my daily life and have seriously affected my training. I obviously haven’t been the same guy in the ring.
I’m going to be taking a little time off to see a doctor. If we can’t get this health issue figured out, I’m done, I’m retiring. I don’t want to step back into the Octagon unless I’m 100%, and I can give the fans the type of fight they deserve to see.
I don’t see it coming to that though. Tomorrow I’m hopping on the bike, and riding up to Oregon to visit the good doctor. I’ve got a good feeling about things.
I’ll be posting up pictures from Saturday night in the next couple of days, and I’ll definitely be telling the story of the motorcycle trip to Oregon.
