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The 10 Dumbest Historical Objects That Sold for Big Bucks

by DannyGallagher   May 02, 2011 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 4,026

5. Winston Churchill’s Dentures

Source: Hulton Archive/Getty Images

I wouldn’t know what it’s like to be famous, but it must be extraordinarily difficult to be an actual mover and shaker in the annals of history. Just about every part of you is up for grabs.

British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, for instance, has long been an object of affection at auction houses and historical preservation efforts for his brave leadership, trademark wit, and steady demeanor in the face of unrelenting violence and horror, but even he would lose his s*** if he knew what part of him went up for auction. Someone in England bought the PM’s false teeth for $23,000. Of course, since this is England, he probably didn’t buy them as a keepsake of history. He probably just needed a better set of teeth.

4. Jerry Garcia’s Toilet

Source: Richard McCaffrey/Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images

Deadheads have had a long and varied history of crazy behavior. Years of LSD and not showering will take a toll on you.

The craziest has to be the long and storied history around the Grateful Dead guitarist’s fabled toilet. It’s actually had one more than owner. An online casino company bought the man’s fabled throne for $2,550 at an auction but someone actually stole it before they had a chance to put it on display. The company even offered a reward for anyone who returned it. I would have settled for hand sanitizer and a bleach shower.

3. Elvis Presley's Autopsy Tools




Source: Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images

It stupefies me to think not of the sick and twisted Elvis fan who would actually want this long lost Elvis artifact, but the person who actually thought it would be cool with the family to sell them to the highest bidder. That guy is a hunka-hunka-burning stupid.

A funeral home in Tennessee tried to auction off the set of autopsy tools used to prepare Elvis’ body for burial following his death and they could have gone for as much as $14,000, but the auction house pulled the item at the last second. And it’s not because selling the body-probing instruments of a bloated drug addict was deemed as immoral and wrong for all of the reasons that mankind holds dear. It’s because they couldn’t confirm that they were the same tools used on Elvis. The absence of fried peanut butter and banana fat must have tipped them off.

2. Marilyn Monroe’s Chest X-Ray

Source: Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images

I honestly could not fault anyone for wanting to purchase the remains of this long lost sex symbol. Someone, however, put the blond bombshell’s chest X-rays up for auction, netting them an easy $45,000. You might think, “Sure, who wouldn’t want to see what was under Marilyn Monroe’s sweater?” The only people who would ask “I wonder what she looks like under that first layer of skin?” are either on a no-fly list, receiving psychiatric care, or running the Hustler magazine empire.

1. Napoleon's Penis

Source: Hulton Archive/Getty Images

When it comes to asking “Who the hell would want to own that?,” here’s an item that should never merit an answer...or rather, answers.

The French Emperor has long been the target of high priced collectors going after everything from his death shroud to parts of his small intestine. But none was more sought after or high priced than his “little General.” The phallus was taken from him by a vindictive priest while he gave Napoleon his last rites and it passed creepily from hand to quivering hand until the 1960s, when a urologist from New Jersey bought the military strategist’s “riding crop” and kept it in a suitcase under his bed for nearly 40 years. And that’s Reason No. 481 that I’ll never visit New Jersey.

THE DAILY FOUR

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