CIA vs KGB (Re-write, Rematch)

October 8, 2010

NOTE: The reason I am re-writing this is because, even though they are spy vs spy, I thought better weapons could be used for a battle. I saw, and know of some weapons that the CIA used differently, for example. Even in a Spy vs Spy situation, the Garrote will just not work head on. It was used for assassinations or sneaking somewhere.


CIA, the intelligence and counter-terrorism agency that, while normally gathering intelligence, can perform paramilitary operations, when appropriate. They are responsible for gathering as much intelligence as possible, and doing diplomatic operations from time to time. After they finish, a military operation may commence. The CIA has a large code of conduct, making them true espionage operatives.

KGB, (¿¿¿¿¿¿¿ ¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿ ¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿) was the secret police for Communist Russia. Their lack of caring, while making them less of an espionage unit, would make them feared. They still managed to covertly finish their job, while killing everyone, as well. They were trained in hand-to-hand combat, as well as firearms, to make them elite killing machines.


Initial Edge: In my mind, both are spies. In that term, CIA is definitely top notch and superior, they would have the ability to eliminate all of the KGB before anyone knew what happened, CONVERSELY, on the side of being the Deadliest Warrior, the KGB are just better equipped for a fight, their hand-to-hand would have the ability to dominate a close quarters fight.


Enough dawdling, now, on to the weapon, defense, and tactic comparisons!


Similar to my other battle, I will not give too many weapon details if it was displayed in the show, however, and new weapons will be detailed.


Long Range:

CIA: Team CIA brings the Mac-10, a popular weapon. Like the Uzi, the Mac-10 was adopted by criminals and law enforcement simply because it spat out bullets, while being small and manueverable. A gas-powered weapon, it will simply shred up an area, while still being highly accurate. Originally called the M-10, it has been called Mac-10 by black market dealers and lawmen alike.

KGB: For a devastating submachine gun, with enough stopping power to be a good weapon. Although it is less powerful than the Mac-10, the Skorpion is reliable. The Skorpion vz. 61 is a Czechoslovak 7.65 mm submachine gun (often classified as a machine pistol), developed in the 1950s by Miroslav Rybá¿ (1924–1970) and produced under the official designation Samopal vzor 61 ("submachine gun model 1961") by the ¿eská Zbrojovka arms factory in Uherský Brod.


EDGE: Team CIA takes the edge. The Mac-10, with a suppressor or without, is simply too awesome of a submachine gun to be doubted. Armed with a suppressor, it will sling out 30 bullets of silent death a magazine. While the Skorpion is an amazing weapon in and of itself, CIA training with the weapon is unbelievable.


Medium Range:

CIA: The Briefcase Gun, a Walther PPK, with a suppressor, inside of a briefcase, the barrel points right outside of a hole in the case. By pulling a ring, a system of pulleys pulls the trigger. The weapon, to the trained eye, would be rather obvious. However, no one would really look down at the knee and expect a muzzle flash.

KGB: The camera gun, a tiny caliber, a single shot before reloading. A very deceiving weapon. If one were to search it, the part of the camera that WOULD be searched would be regular. However, to have such a small  barrel and bullet would mean not much distance would be attained.

Edge: Dead Even. The advantages and disadvantages of both are just too much. Firing from the knee is near-impossible. And if you did, it would all be in center mass. In other words, it's just an inconventional weapon. Were someone to search it, they would see a Walther PPK. The Camera Gun is more stealthy, while being less of a weapon. A well trained spy could use it, and walk away from the scene, no one knowing who did it.

Close Range:

CIA: Dropping the garrote, the CIA brings the Cane sword, called a "Swordstick", also. The swordstick was a popular fashion accessory for the wealthy during the 18th and nineteenth centuries. While the weapon's origins are unknown, it is apparent that the cane-sword's popularity peaked when decorative swords were steadily being replaced by canes as a result of the rising popularity of firearms, and the lessening influence of swords and other small arms. Soon after their introduction, other "gadget canes" became popular, holding the tools of one's trade rather than a blade, compases, and even flasks for keeping alcohol. Today, designer and collector canes have sterling silver handles, and are made with wooden shafts made from various woods, including Malacca and bamboo. Ornate designs, such as animal heads, skulls, and various emblems may also be carved into the wooden handles; these may make them harder to wield, but some find them more attractive. Sword canes are most often made with stainless steel, rapier-pointed blades. While various mechanisms exist to lock the blade in place, accidents have been known to happen regularly with the simple push-to-release mechanism. Twist-lock mechanisms work well, as do double-locking mechanisms.


KGB: Responding to the flimsy, designer sword is the boot knife. A short blade, its reliability to stab while the hands or arms are occupied is amazing. Generally, one would just have to stomp to activate the blade. From there on in, every kick was a puncturing blow that would hurt again and again. The blade has the ability to puncture easily.

Edge: KGB takes the edge for the Shoe Knife/Boot Knife. While the Cane Sword is longer, the general purpose of it is decoration, not full combat. The blade is flimsy, while the boot knife is a powerful point.



CIA: The Cigar Bomb, which I like to dub the last smoke, is a pea-sized piece of C4 wedged inside of a normal cigar. When the smoke has gone on for the set amount of time, the explosion is triggered, destroying someone's face, while leaving everyone else unscathed. The bang is, naturally, loud. However, the explosion is concentrated enough to take out a target, and do the job.

KGB: The Dead Drop Spike, used for transmitting information between spies, a truly impressive and innovative weapon. When opened incorrectly, the large explosion would surely kill the man that had opened it, and the information inside.

Edge: The KGB take the edge for the Spike. The larger explosion and the better chance of success would carry it through in the end.



Suit vs Heavy outfit = Even

No explanation is necessary, neither of these would be truly easy to work with.


CIA: Off-the-radar techniques are employed by the CIA in combat. Their goal it to take out prime targets, and leave, without anyone knowing what happened. With their stealthy arsenal, they can pull off this kind of combat.

KGB: The KGB kill everything necessary, even torturing. While they are spies, they appear to be more of the secret police that they are, as well. Their lack of respect for human life truly makes them a better warrior.

Edge; CIA takes the tactical edge. How can the KGB get a definitive target if the CIA manages to take out everyone before they give themselves away? While this likely wouldn't happen, it is still a possibility.


With all of the comparisons complete, let the battle begin.

Again, this is more of a story. If you don't like it, skip until you see the CIA: KGB:


A recent development in a countryside Italian town had put two political rivals in a ring to the death. One political man thought that creating a population-increasing factory would bring pollution to all of the plants in vineyards and farms, and all of the animals in livestock farms. The other political side wanted to turn Italy in to a nonstop war machine, tired of being a lower military power.

After many heated public meetings, the farmers were taking the side of Alfonse Patrionni, the one man who sought to end Italy's widespread war mobilization. The middle and upperclassmen didn't mind becoming a higher, richer power at all, so they, in turn, sided with Leonardo Fazzio. Leonardo was really an evil man, who sought a pact of co-operation with Russia.

Near the small village town, a group of men had convened inside of an old lady's home, with her permission, of course. She was a small, frail farm-owner who simply wanted the peace of mind to have her own fresh ingredients for herself and the market. The men inside were all wearing upper-class suits, sitting around a table, a group of 5. One man, however, stood up. Briefcases and weapons were sprawled across the table.



"Men, on behalf of the United States of America, we have been assigned to eliminate Leonardio Fazzio, who threatens the safety of Italy and the countrys surrounding." The presenter cleared his throat, before continuing. "We have to finish this covertly, by blending in with the upperclassmen at La Bistro and Vineyard, we can catch him before he speaks on behalf of evil. It has been common knowledge that he has contacted Russia several times, about what is unknown." He walked over to a standing board, with a large paper-book resting against the canvas. He flipped the blank sheet, revealing the floor plan of the Vineyard and Restaurant.

"We are going to be in the reception hall. Everyone, including the politicians, will be eating at opposite sides of the room. If you see anybody that looks Russian, and I mean true-blood, ask them a question. If their accent is heavy, or if they have trouble with English, assume them to be enemies. We cannot be careful as we normally are here. Russia would have no place here, without some sort of plot."

The men all concealed their arms. The less obvious ones were carried out in the open. As the presenter continued, the men were getting closer and closer to mobilizing. As soon as the old grandfather clock struck 10 in the morning, the five men departed the home, hugging the old, feeble woman.

The CIA agents rode inside of an old automobile, bumbling down the street at a slow pace. They crossed an old bridge, relaxing as much as they could before the meeting. They stopped when they pulled up to a sprawling field, the winding paths inside of the grapeyard seemed to take forever to navigate, but when they reached the building, the group of five noticed how crowded it was.


Meanwhile, four Russian men stood in different places inside of the building. They, too, had concealed weapons, while acting like normal civilians. They observed the new entries. A group of five, suspicious enough. They all had pinstripe suits and fancy hats. The Russians managed to blend with the middleclassmen, even though their complexion was much different.

A young lady, wearing a glamorous Italian dress, carried an old camera, offering pictures to people. Little did they know, she had a camera gun. She would tell people to wait for the development, not taking a picture at all. She could differentiate Americans from Italians. Considering that Leonardo was converting to a more Communist cause, the KGB knew that any American was to be killed, travellers were much different looking, after all, than pinstripe upperclass Americans.

Noticing the Americans going to tables near her, she began to draw more attention to herself, even drawing over fellow Russians to get their "picture" taken. She was Svetlana, and her alibi would even touch the hearts of spies.

Finally, one of the CIA agents smirked, when noticing the young, pretty woman. She had gotten a pretty decent tan, her Italian appearance was pretty hard to disprove. "We have to blend in, boys. I'm going to talk to that girl." He got up, his other men agreeing with him. He strode over to the Russian girl. "Why are you taking pictures here?" he questioned.

In response, she spoke "I am poor woman, just got a camera, si. I take pictures for feeding family." Even with her fake Italian accent, it sounded real enough. As soon as she took the picture, it would all begin. The man took out several American dollars. "Take this to an airport, get the money converted. I will get my picture taken." The rest of his men watched in suspicion. While the lady was tan, her hair was too light of a tone.

They watched him take his pose for the picture, a smile, and a gentlemanly posture. She reached for the normal button to take a photo. But then her hand had shifted. "Shit, NO!" One other CIA agent withdrew his Mac-10, startling all of the civilians around. People began to run.

"Crack!" Was not the normal sound a camera made, but in this case, the lethality just rose, as did the threat. The spies were around. And they had found number one. The man with the Mac-10 emptied ten bullets in to the center mass of the woman. They both fell, and the building cleared in no time. The mission was no longer assassination, it was to root out their rivals.

CIA: 4 KGB: 4

One of the CIA agents looked in shock at his fellow agents. He acted like an older man, as he looked like one, too. He grabbed his cane, shouting "You are crazy!" before hobbling off. The burst of fresh air from the outside had made him feel better. However, that was short lived. A man in by the vineyard fence loaded a submachine gun. He twisted the handle of the cane, disengaging the wooden cover.

He slipped his index and middle finger down to hold the cover on, for just a little while longer. The man pointed at the old gentleman coming towards him. "¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿!" He shouted. He instantly fired his weapon at the CIA agent, who ducked and rolled. He slid off the wood cover, and threw it at the Russian, making him dodge out of pure reflex.

He reloaded quickly on his way up. "Good night, Commie." The agent sneered, jabbing his flimsy blade it to the Russian's stomach. It made a deep wound, missing all of the organs. He responded, without any words, by unloading 3 bullets in to the American's head.

CIA: 3 KGB: 4

With Svetlana dead, the men would have to fight to the death. They rushed in to the back room, one was poised to strike with his boot knife. He stomped on the ground, and the blade had disengaged. An American opened the double door on the Russian's side, preventing him from being able to jump out. As soon as he did, the briefcase, and the man flipped to his direction. With the curl of his middle finger, the Walther inside fired a clean shot in to the man's heart.

With a sigh, the now blood-covered CIA agent wiped off the excess blood. His cover was now officially blown.

CIA: 3 KGB:3

The man with the briefcase came across a room called "For the Performer." Given the fact that Leonardo was the only one that was there at the moment, he entered. On the desk was a pen-like device. But every CIA agent knew what that was, a container. Since it was on the Italian's desk, he didn't assume anything too bad.

The object was cold in his hand. The agent gave a clockwise twist. He thought he was home free when the cap slipped loose. But a loud, painless death tought him otherwise. He fell to the floor, burned and riddled with shrapnel from various objects, including whole objects on the desk.


Meanwhile, a Russian pulled off the act that he was stressed and panicked from the event. He was the only one fluent in English. An American stepped in, carrying two cigars. He sat down. "Damn, you look wound up, would you like a cigar?" He inquired, offering the Cuban. The Russian took it with shaky hands, lighting it and taking a puff. "Thank you." He responded. The American smiled, knowing full well this was a KGB agent. However, his eyes widened when it was set down in the ash tray.

"BANG!" The KGB agent, in panic, grabbed a Skorpion from his jacket, firing at the foreigner with ease.


The last American agent still sat in the main room, however, something told him he was the last one left, he was all alone in this conflict, now. He took a gun, and looked outside for a moment. Seeing the bloody cane sword and dead American, he assumed it was a mutual kill.

He kicked open the double doors in the back, peeking inside of the VIP room. He had recognized the fellow Agent. "Damn, rest in peace." He readied his suppressed Mac-10, his sweaty finger on the trigger. He heard laughing and speaking in the Russian tongue, shadows neared, as well.

The American took his position on the wall, the two celebrating Russians stepped out, they couldn't draw their weapons or swing their fists fast enough, and soon enough, they were both dead. The CIA agent thought he was done, and began to take his stroll outside.


He approached his vehicle again, all alone. Fidgeting in his pocket, the keys made their pleasant jingle. He pulled them out, not noticing the slight shadow from around the corner of the Vineyard.

The KGB agent was bleeding, still. He had no bandages on him, he had assumed that the CIA agent would be able to get the kill. He stomped on the ground, the knife from his right shoe springing out of the leather. He hobbled over to the American. "You... Forgot about me, brother." The CIA's head agent for the operation spun around, which was the wrong thing to do considering the Russian's fist that flew right in to it.

He stumbled until his back was to the car. He held his Mac-10, his rival stopped, a foot away from him. "I have won this contest." As if the Mac-10 disagreed, it clicked when the trigger was pulled. "Shit." His chances were slim, now.

The last KGB agent gripped the suppressor, pulling it aside and kicking the man in the side. The weakness was evident as the rival screamed in terror. Another few kicks, and the man stopped altogether, sliding down the car exterior, in his death, he still sat up.


The last man fell to his knees, searching the dead man's corpse. Finding some bandages, he stopped the bleeding with gauze for a long enough period of time to get off scot free.

The KGB proved to be victorious in this re-write, with about 53 percent of the kills to their credit. This is simply due to the fact that while the CIA can operate in stealth, and pure innovation, when it comes to warrior to warrior, the KGB won.

KGB- 533

Skorpion- 341

Camera Gun- 102

Shoe Knife- 53

Dead Drop Spike- 37

CIA: 467

Mac 10 - 400

Briefcase Gun (Walther)- 53

Cane Sword- 4

Cigar Bomb- 10


The reason I didn't give the Cigar Bomb a kill in the battle is because I didn't find it fitting in that particular environment, however, it still could kill, especially an actor.

I am sorry for the overusage of "Russian" "American" "Agent", and "Man". I didn't want to come up with names this time around