The Top Eight Most Ridiculous Fanboy Freakouts
It's not easy enjoying pop culture. Some fans spend all their mental and spiritual energy on a particular movie, book, TV show, or comic. Of course most people don't care about minor or even major changes to things they like. But other people (real fans) freak out. Here are some of the most ridiculous reasons and reactions of fans who went nuts over a change to the pop culture they love too, too much.
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8. No Organic Web Shooters
In 2000, fans of the amazing Spider-Man got some wicked news. After spending close to twenty years in development hell, the long simmering Spider-Man movie was finally going into production. After a few false starts with a several production companies and a failed bid by James Cameron, everyone's favorite web slinger was now in the hands of Evil Dead genius Sam Raimi, had a huge budget, and looked like it was going to be one of the biggest superhero movies ever. As the movie's cast fell into place and bits and pieces of the story were revealed, there was a growing sense of excitement and anticipation. Comic book nerds around the world circled May 2nd, 2002 on their calendars and sat in their basements trying to not jizz at the thought of Peter Parker whipping through the Manhattan skyline on a huge screen. It was going to be awesome!
And then, something horrible happened. Among the rumors and bits of info that were trickling out about the film was a disturbing bit of information. Spider-Man was going to have organic web shooters! For those who don't know, comic book Spider-Man actually invented the webbing he uses to swing from building to building and he shoots it from two machines that he wears on his wrists under his costume. For whatever reason, the filmmakers decided to simplify things and just have the web be a part of him.
Hardcore Spider-Fans were understandably furious! That the movie producers would have the gall to change one tiny aspect of a remarkably faithful adaptation was unthinkable. Fans flocked to the internet to raise their voices in protest. Some dudes even started a website called "no-organic-webshooters.com" to organize their fanboy rage into concrete action. They huffed and puffed, got mainstream media attention, and begged the studio to reconsider. Of course, they didn't. Sony kept the organic web shooters and released a film that totally betrayed the idea of Spider-Man. For their hubris, they were punished by having their mockery be the first movie in history to make $100 million in a weekend. See! You should have listened to that one guy with the website.
7. Jonas Brothers Fans vs. The Washington Post
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Unless you're a girl under the age of 16 or a really creepy guy in his forties with a dirty van, you probably don't know much about the Jonas Brothers. Sure, you're probably vaguely aware that there are three dudes who sing crappy songs and are brothers, and have the last name Jonas. But that's basically it, right? Oh, who are we kidding? Everyone loves Nick, Joe, and Kevin! They're awesome singers, they're super cute, and they're totally into, like, God and junk. Anyway, some teenage girls are apparently quite fond of the three singers and apparently enjoy reading about them. In their rabid lust for Jonas Brothers-related material, several of them did something very few people of their generation will ever try in their lifetimes. They opened a newspaper. And not just any paper, but the Washington Post, the Woodward-and-Bernstein, screw-you-Nixon Washington Post. In the August 12th, 2008 edition of the paper, cultural critic J. Freedom du Lac wrote a mostly upbeat piece about the band's massive level of fame among the preteen set. He interviewed the boys, talked to some fans, and briefly described their ascent to pop stardom. But he made one mistake.
He had the temerity to suggest one Jonas Brother was a little more boring than the other two. Mr. du Lac described the brothers as "Nick Jonas (15; the cute one), Joe Jonas (nearly 19; the hot one), and Kevin Jonas (20; the other one)," a tongue-in-cheek reference to the oldest brother's perceived deficits in the dreamy department. Suddenly, every single thirteen-year-old girl in America was calling for his head. The nest morning his inbox was filled with bubblegum-flavored rage. Thousands of Kevin fans from around the world sent him e-mails criticizing his diss of their favorite Jonas. "How could you disrespect him?" they cried. "Don't you realize he's the reason the band exists?" they lamented. Once the dust had settled and the hatemail subsided, du Lac learned an incredibly valuable journalistic lesson: don't f**k with a 16-year-old girl's fantasies. They will tear you apart.
6. Fans Threaten Murder Over Torchwood Death
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Hot on the heels of its successful relaunch of the cult classic Doctor Who, the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) created a spin-off featuring a popular character called Captain Jack. Torchwood, as it was called, was a sexy, sci-fi thriller that quickly found an audience devoted to its tales of Captain Jack and his crew of sexy alien investigators who solved sexy problems and generally made the world a safer and sexier place. In Wales, for some reason. Filled with all the monsters, aliens, and gadgets of Doctor Who plus a whole lot more screwing and swearing, the show was a huge hit in Britain and around the world. Fans invested in the characters, bought the mythology, and sat back and enjoyed the sexiness. Riding a wave of popularity, Torchwood decided to do things a little differently for its third season. Instead of a regular run of weekly episodes, the show ran a miniseries of five episodes over five nights. The critics loved it, the fans loved it, and everything was right in the world.
And then, episode four aired. In the episode, a much loved secondary character called Ianto Jones was killed off. Most normal, non-crazy fans of the show were shocked and started a letter writing campaign and raised some money for charity trying to get their favorite character back. Other fans went absolutely apes**t crazy. Furious that someone had made a dramatic choice they disagreed with, they accused the creator of the show, Russel T. Davies, of having "contempt" for them and viewing them as "disposable." If this was all they said, it would still be incredibly stupid. But some fans advocated a slightly different approach. On a website, one impassioned fan promised to, "murder [the show's creators] in a horrific way. In an incredible horrific and painful way. They will never be able to walk again or move any part of their body. They will be a vegetable." Another fan was so outraged he almost forgot how to speak English; "I kill you, if you no bring him back!" Davies, well used to the sometimes rabid nature of fandom, told the nut jobs to grow up, and "read poetry if they can't handle drama." Just don't tell them that Lenore dies in The Raven. Edgar Allen Poe's Twitter account will never know what hit it.
5. Fan Outraged That One Fictional Character Will Marry Another Fictional Character, Decides To Sell A Valuable Asset In Protest
Source: Archie Comics
In the world of comics, Archie is an anomaly. A leftover from the time when comics didn't have to just be about dudes in capes, Archie Comics quietly chugs along, telling cornball stories about teenage love. For almost 60 years, Clueless Archie, gluttonous closet-case Jughead, functionally retarded Moose, and the rest of gang at Riverdale High have been loving, learning, and getting involved in all manner of hilarious hijinks. The characters get a make-over every now and then to keep up with the times (in the seventies they were into disco, in the eighties Reggie was a cokehead, etc.) but the basic premise never changes. It's a comic about a redheaded loser who inexplicably has to choose between sexy, rich brunette Veronica and a sexy blonde Betty, who's an awesome cook and genial doormat. This eternal love triangle provides the drama, the comedy, and the ridiculous wish fulfillment that Archie fans have grown to love. But what if it all changed?
Last year, it did. After six decades of being a lowdown, no good, two-timing cheater, Archie finally nutted up and popped the question. But here's the kicker! He asked Veronica, the rich bitch! When the news hit the mainstream media people across the globe had only one reaction - "They still make Archie?" Fans, on the other hand, were pissed. No one could believe that Archie didn't choose Betty. Although he didn't ask to be a hero, one fan emerged as a voice for the countless readers who couldn't understand why Archie choose the rich, sexy Veronica over poor, Christian Betty. That man was comic shop owner Dave Luebke. Offended by a comic book character's wedding plans, Luebke did the only thing he could. He put his mint condition copy of Archie #1 up for sale. Despite his lifelong love of the characters, he claimed to "outraged" on behalf of Betty. He had to stand up for her and defend her honor! The fact that the comic was now probably worth more than it had ever been due to the publicity was incidental. Luebke eventually sold the comic for almost $40,000, Archie married Veronica, then he married Betty, then everything went back to normal and they were in high school again. At least we assumed that's what happened. Who gives a s**t? It's Archie, for Christ's sake.