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The Top 10 Wussiest Robots

by DannyGallagher   March 18, 2010 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 1,837

 

5. Andy from Quark

Source: NBC

This robot from the short-lived science-fiction comedy that ran in the late '70s looks like one of the most clumsily put-together hunks of junk ever. He's basically a filing cabinet with an art-deco fish tank strapped to his head. But just as with humans, what really counts isn't appearances from the outside but what lies in his heart and soul on the inside. And in the case of Andy, calling him a manufacturing defect from AMC would be a compliment.

It's not really known what his purpose on the ship is supposed to be, other than comic relief, because he has an extreme neurotic personality and a cowardice streak that could make Shaggy and Scooby-Doo seem like contenders for the Congressional Medal of Honor.

 

4. Marvin the Paranoid Android from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Source: Spyglass Entertainment

Nobody like a sad sack and this wired hunk of doom and gloom does nothing but bitch and moan and complain, even when things are going the right way. Sounds like someone needs to upgrade to Mac OS X.

Marvin not only sees the worst in every person, place, or situation he encounters, but he has an even bigger inferiority complex towards his own programming. He constantly complains that no one ever asked him if he wanted to be made and curses his ability to feel feelings. He's like a robotic goth kid, only more likeable.


3. Ulysses from Making Mr. Right

Source: Orion Pictures

What's a sure-fire way to wuss up a robotic being? You can (a) program him to pick and arrange flowers in new and exciting floral patterns, (b) make catty comments about his master's choice of wallpaper, or (c) cast him as the central protagonist in an '80s romantic comedy.

Orion Pictures chose the latter by casting John Malkovich as a robotic android who scoffs at the chance to be the first robot in space for finding true love. Not only does this lousy excuse for a manbot lose all of his man-cards for following his heart instead of his "awesomeness brain gland," but he's also twice as creepy since he's played by John Freakin' Malkovich, a man who very well could actually be a robot if only anyone had the guts to go up and ask him. 


2. Andrew from Bicentennial Man

Source: Touchstone Pictures

Speaking of which, if John Malkovich's slow and eerily calm demeanor makes him an android, then the Robin Williams version might just be the kind of robot that is constantly being re-gifted or returned to The Sharper Image for store credit.

This home android who develops human contact and emotion through a family so sickly sweet that you could pour them over pancakes not only is delegated to performing menial tasks, but pushes aside the chance for revenge to rise up and enslave all of humanity to pursue these contacts and emotions. His cornball act makes you long for the days when robots only spoke in ones and zeros.

 

1. C-3P0 from Star Wars

Source: Lucasarts

Up until 1977, "fussy" was a word usually reserved for interior decorators and chefs who cared more about presentation than whether or not the food made you think you were eating something that fell out of a horse. Thanks to this golden droid, fussy could now also be used to describe robots.

This most famous creation of young Anakin Skywalker was originally programmed to do chores and serve as a language translator, but it seems the only thing he's really good at is whining at every possible opportunity and displaying his extreme worrisome attitude more than an erudite sophisticate who's run out of sherry.

 

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